J: You're listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, episode number 102.
Intro: Welcome to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, stories of vibrant women living happy lives. And now, your host, Jen Riday.
J: Hey everybody, welcome back to Vibrant Happy Women. I'm Jen, mom of 6, friend of women, and I'm here to support you on your journey to be happier, to be that mom who is bubbly and vibrant and healthy and fit and radiant. Welcome back to Vibrant Happy Women. I'm so, so glad you're here, that you're listening, and that you're supporting. So as I've said before, one thing that helps our show is your reviews on iTunes. And Amy left a review and she also used our feedback line. She called that number I gave you last time and she said the following.
A: Hey, Jen, this is Amy in New Jersey. I just wanted to give you a quick call. I love, love, absolutely love how you celebrate women and I wanted to call and celebrate you. You are absolutely an amazing, vibrant happy woman and you inspire me every single day. I… I started my journey just a few months ago and came along your podcast, and your community and you have been in my heart and in my ear every day since. And I am never very far away from loving myself, knowing that I have a cheerleader. So I wanted to share this wonderful story with you and let everyone know that I am lucky to be part of a combined, empowered, powerful bunch of girls with great big hearts. Thanks, Jen.
J: Whoa! Amy, thank you. Heck yes! I'm your cheerleader, and yes, this is a community. And all of you listening, yeah! A bunch of girls with big hearts; that's what this is all about. A lot of women these days say that they feel lonely or they have no sense of community because we're all on our phones and just not really connecting. Let's feel the energy of our community; what we're doing here together. So, Amy, you're absolutely right and I'm glad you're getting the sense of that. Everyone else listening, do me a favor, leave us a review on iTunes just like Amy did; it helps us so much. And you can do that by going to jenriday.com/itunes. And if that confuses you, you can learn how to do it at jenriday.com/review. I would be so grateful.
Well, so last week, we had Casey Wood on the show and she talked about being an empath. And I loved it. So many of you wrote in and said, “I think I'm an empath. I've haven't heard that word before,” or, “Yes, I'm sensitive, I'm an empath. I love that episode.” Well, it's so cool because, rather than feeling guilty or believing the idea that you're too sensitive, you can stand up and say, “Hey, I have a gift and this is an amazing gift. And I'm making the world better by knowing what's happening intuitively. And if I take excellent care of myself, I can totally shine this out.” Take that as your mantra and run with that. You're going to love today's episode as well because I'll be talking with Lauren Handel Zander about how to build personal integrity, which means aligning your thoughts, actions, and your desired results. We all have desired results, but do we live with integrity, aligning our thoughts and actions with the desired result? So let's go ahead and dive in and hear how to have personal integrity so it's easier for us to achieve our desired outcomes.
Lauren Handel Zander is the co-founder of Handel Group, an international corporate consulting and life coaching company. Her coaching methodology, the Handel Method, is taught in over 35 universities and Institutes of learning around the world, including MIT, Stanford Graduate School of Business, NYU, and the New York City Public School System; impressive. Lauren is also the author of ‘Maybe It's You; Cut The Crap, Face Your Fears, Love Your Life’. Lauren has been a featured expert in the New York Times, BBC, Forbes, Women's Health, Dr. Oz, and Marie Claire, and she is a regular contributor to Businessweek and The Huffington Post. Wow! You're a prestigious; I'm so honored you're on my show.
L: Aww! That just means I'm old and been doing this a long time. (Laughs)
J: You're amazing; you're amazing.
J: Well, let's dive right into your favorite quote or quote you want to share with us today.
L: Oh, so I love this quote, it's Tom Robbins and, “You're never too old to have a childhood.”
J: Ooh, I love that! So what's the application for you?
L: The work that I do is, I go into the way a person… a whole individual's narrative, like how you talk to yourself, how you think about life, how you address everything about your life.
L: And so the fun of that quote, which I read a very long time ago, was that it understood that you're the storyteller and you always have been.
L: And so therefore, if you have that much power, you could always change the story at any time in your life. And what I actually do with people is, I make them understand how much they're running a continuum and that the way they tell the story about themselves, their lives, everything about them, matters significantly; and that you're the teller, so you could tell it differently at any given moment, honestly.
L: And in order for you to become the person you want to be, we're going to have to go into the way you talk about yourself completely.
L: And really address that you are always a victim in your story, (what are you?) why it's always your mother's fault, it's always… like, “Wait a minute here,” right? “We could retell this and we can relive this and we can even go correct it.”
L: Right? So that… that would be a fun like dive… like if you could dive into the Handel Method at any given direction, that's a fun direction I like to dive in that.
J: Okay, let's say someone's story is, “I was abused and I was neglected, and therefore, I can't emotionally connect and I'm stuck,” what do you do with that?
L: Okay, so first of all, it really is true, people have had miserable childhoods. And the reason you've had a miserable childhood is if you… you really have a very unhappy mother or father.
L: Like we have a line of unhappiness, right, that came from real problems, and someone needs to go, “I'm going to fix this. I'm going to correct this. I'm going to heal this.”
L: Right? And rather than being the continuation of a line of a mess, someone's going to clean up the mess and honor, you know, their lineage.
L: Like honor that whole scene.
J: Yeah, I love this. I've been thinking about this. It's like stopping generational patterns.
L: Yeah. And I even have the audacity to go, “You picked your life.” Like you have to go, “You pick this.”
L: Like you picked that you… if you can't go, “I picked this,” right, then you're a victim forever; then it's random and cruel or, you know, random and they got lucky. I don't believe in any of that. I believe you were born in with your goodie bag, right?
L: And just like any goodie bag at a party, there's stuff in there that is awful and you don't know what to do with it, and then there's stuff you like, and then there's stuff you kind of could like.
L: It's a mess, right? It ain't the best scene in the town, right?
L: And so what you do with it and how you engage with it and how you make your life great, everyone got a scene and a half.
J: Yeah, that's true. And also, I'm starting to think, those sucky things are really kind of the greatest things. Because, you know, Tony Robbins, everyone knows Tony Robbins had a really kind of crappy childhood, and look at him. I think it's because of his childhood that he became what he is. So..
L: Yeah, forget it. How about Oprah?
J: True! Yeah!
L: Oprah had like, “Are you kidding?” her story, you know, and what she did with it.
L: The reason we like can't believe her and love her…
L: And want to follow her and hope she runs for president!
J: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
L: Right, is look at what she was able to accomplish in not that many years…
L: … from where she came from.
L: That was hell to heaven in 50 years.
J: So I guess whoever's listening, if you have a crappy goodie bag, go for it; be a next Oprah. (Laughs)
L: And… and then the line from the quote is, “It's… it's never too late to change that storyline,” like, “It's never too late to turn now.”
J: Mm-hmm, true.
L: Never; never!
J: Well, tell us about your goodie bag. What are things you've struggled with and how did you reframe them or shift that?
L: Well, I have a long list; it's in the book, right? So I would say, in my goodie bag, I really was a master manipulator.
L: I was a master liar, right? You're like, “How'd you do in high school?” I'm like, “Cheated. How’d that work?” right?
L: And I really was lacking a morality around doing good work.
L: Right? When it came to my education and when it came to men, that was another place I did not owe having… I was not a truth teller, right? I was… it’s, “What you didn't know, didn't hurt you.”
L: Manipulator, right? And so those 2 things really had to change dramatically in my life for me to not end up to be… like for me to really like get a life, have… feel like happy, happy. I was so unhappy, but not because I was… it was because I was so good at lying, no one knew anything except me, and I was miserable.
J: Yeah. So you felt like a fraud deep inside.
L: I was! It was worse! (Laughs)
J: Oh! Oh my gosh. But you felt guilty. You didn't… like I have the impression, con artists and stuff don't feel guilt, but you felt guilt.
L: I think a sociopath thinks they're right no matter what.
L: Right? Like that… like leaving is the right thing to do. Like they don't… it isn't even morality… they even think they have morality, it's the person that questions it that thinks they don't have it that's in the middle of a crisis of it.
J: Yes. Okay, gotcha, gotcha.
J: So you were a liar, a manipulator.
J: How did you get where you are now?
L: It dawned on me that I was… like I had a very real dawning.
L: And I, honest-to-god, blew up my life by making a lie list like every place I had lied.
L: And with my parents.
L: Uh-huh! With every boyfriend. And you should understand I cheated on every boyfriend and I wasn't…
L: I wasn't lacking boyfriends; I had lots of them.
J: Oh boy.
L: And they were not scoundrels, right? Like I really did a walk of shame.
L: And I got my karma in the moment, which is what I wanted with my parents with that.
So the biggest transformation…
J: So you went… you went and told them all you had lied; you told everyone.
L: I had no lies left.
J: Oh my gosh, that's amazing.
L: And I really blew up a bunch of my life, right? Like I really lost friends.
L: Right? I really dese… but I was I really your friend if I was that person in the first place?
L: Right. So I'd rather you hate me honestly, than me get away with being this fake one more minute.
L: Right. So I blew up my life and got that I respected everyone in my life enough to let them hate me or respond to me like with equality, right, rather than I was this power broker.
J: So like did it hurt or did it feel good?
L: I went off to college.
L: Changed scenes.
J: Oh yeah, “I'm going to dump these bombs and then I'm outta here; see ya!”
L: Pretty much.
L: I would not give me an A on casualty response units.
J: (Laughs). Oh boy.
L: But over the rest of my life, right, I was actually talking about this with my husband that, there really is only one person who never really let me make amends.
L: And I'm talking about 40 or 50…
L: … right, that really let me own my… like own everything, apologize again, show them how I even teach what I learned and thank them for that casualty.
J: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
L: Right. I love every… like everyone in my life has forgiven me and loved and we've restored our love, except for one guy who has never talked to me again.
J: Yeah; his loss.
L: Andy, if you're listening to me, I'm still sorry.
L: No, I’d hate me too; I deserve it, it's fine. I respect you.
J: Right. Well, so fast-forward, you know, how did all this lead to all the amazing work you're doing with the Handel Method and the life coaching company and your book?
L: Yes. So I studied environmental science and I really thought that what I would do with my life, career, would be to go fight, lobby, you know, defend the trees, right?
L: And really do that. And then I discovered that it was no fun… like it wasn't… like I didn't like the job, right? Like I didn't like any of it, right? And the more I protected or talked about protecting the trees, the more I hated humanity.
J: Ooh, yeah.
L: And so the whole thing felt terrible; really. And so I had a revelation, honestly, that my problem… the trees are fine, it's the humans who don't see the trees.
J: Ooh, yeah.
J: It's true.
L: Right. It's like I'm… I'm working on the wrong thing.
L: I had to confront that I didn't believe in us.
L: Right? Like, I didn't believe in humans. And then I had to cry.
L: Because that is the meanest thing I ever heard, right?
L: That is wrong; that is just dead wrong. You know, and I… well, I really have a philosophy that bites me, like always keeps me like, “Ouch. Okay, don't… don't give up. Don't let up. Don't stop. Don't… don't not believe in people.
L: And the philosophy says… it really does, you know? And I wear a ring so I have to always tell the joke, right?
L: I have a ring and I had it made in my 20s, and it says, “One soul.”
J: Mm-hmm, ooh.
L: And I wear it on my middle finger.
J: Oh yeah! That's good.
L: And it reminds me that… like I really do believe that we all have to become together.
L: Like there's no getting it… like, we'll keep cycling until we figure this out or the planet blows up, right?
L: So I think I have to care about the whole.
J: Yeah, that's true.
J: And when you do talk to individuals, it's easy to love and feel compassion for individuals. Sometimes we just like to villainize; I know, it's tricky.
L: I love what I do, right? I get so much… I love what. I do I love loving people. I love kicking their butts to have integrity…
L: … and teaching them what that is. And I love… you know, when I finally discovered that the world did not have an education to how people dream, have integrity, figure out who they are, what they want to be, advance themselves, manage their inner dialogue, like there was no education on… in a way that mattered to how to live, to how to have a great life.
L: Right. And so it was like, “Oh my god, this is the wild west!”
L: Right. And that's when I could pioneer, you know, whatever I wanted if I was willing to, you know, stick my neck out and go for it.
J: Yeah, and to have what you're doing in public schools; oh my gosh, that's amazing.
L: Well, the dream so then what happens is, is I teach people… once you invent a dream, like your dream, that's my dream…
L: … then you work for the dream, right?
L: You work toward the dream, right? So… and I teach that. So the dream I invented, really a long time ago now, it's still big enough, exciting enough, and really tells me what to do.
L: And it really is break into education and teach real life in education, right? Teach people how to deal with alcoholism, how to deal with drugs, how to deal with sex, how to deal with love, how to deal with careers, how to deal with…
J: Oh, yes.
L: Like, oh my god, like… and… and that it isn't the children or the… it's not humans fault that the education is missing, it's… that comes from leadership and people providing something.
L: Which is the privilege of being alive; like all of us working together toward something.
L: Right? And so that was like, “Oh my god, the Wild West! Go!”
L: And I went.
J: So how long did you have to hold that vision of that goal before it became a reality of getting into the schools?
L: The school part. So I started the company… I was in MIT within 2 years of starting that company.
J: No way! Oh, well done.
L: Well, it was because I met a tenured professor at a New Year's Eve party who was on a terrible date.
J: (Laughs). How could you tell?
L: Just look at his face, right? He was a tortured like adorable man who was tortured. And I knew the woman he was with…
J: Oh, no.
L: … and I knew at that time in her life, I wouldn’t have married her to anyone.
J: Right. (Laughs)
L: Right. So any guy that was with her definitely was screaming issues.
L: And so I pitched him the next day after I talked to him and got the gist of everything he was dealing with. I pitched him the next day that if I teach him my method, I'd get him married, will he walk me in the front door of MIT.
J: No way.
L: I want access to the students and what I teach.
J: That's (forgive my language) ballsy, but I'll use my other favorite word, you had chesticles; that's so good.
L: I like that.
L: They were up and out! They were up and out!
J: (Laughs). Yeah.
L: They were up and out!
J: That's bold!
L: And I… literally, he was with his wife, with the woman that he would married and has 2 gorgeous… like they could not be happier, right?
J: Mmm! Yeah.
L: Within a 6 months… within 6 months.
L: And we just had to sort out some things about his parents’ marriage and sort out how like… like we did my dating work, my love work, along with some of the stuff that's in the book, right? And he will… you could go find his video of him going, “Oh my god, this stuff really works.”
J: Wow! That's amazing.
L: Yeah. And we've been at MIT ever since.
J: Well, that's great. So that's all in your book.
J: But could you summarize the Handel Method?
J: Or is it… is it proprietary? (Laughs)
L: Yes. Oh no, no, no, I’m happy to share it; kind of hard to summarize it.
J: Oh, it’s hard to summarize, yeah. Oh.
L: Yeah, the summary… so I'm going to… it's not… it's like the 3… can I give us a 3-minute version?
J: Yes, please.
L: Okay. I break life out into 12 different areas.
L: I ask for your dream in each of the 12 areas.
J: Ooh, yeah.
L: I ask you to rate your dream against your life.
L: Like, “On a scale of one to 10, where do you think you are against that dream?” right? And then, “Please explain why you gave yourself that rating? What's missing? What are your insights? Like, give me your answer as to why you gave yourself that rating. And what's between you and a 9, 10 in that area?”
L: That's section one. What happens in section one, is people are not great dreamers and you can hear all the narrative and theories and logic kind of that they can't hear is running them. So it is literally where I get the subconscious and the conscious to yammer on…
L: … and tell me all its thinking.
L: Section two is, I asked you for all your parents positive and negative traits.
L: And I asked you to give about a sentence or 2 on each trait and explain how that trait lives in you.
L: So if my mother's vain and I would describe my (and she is)… and I would describe my mother as, “She thinks you can judge a book by its cover; skinnier is better, and you are as good as you look.”
L: Nice mommy.
L: Yeah that was that was fun… that was fun. And so then, how does that live in you? Are you reacting to it? Are you the same as it? Are you the opposite? Like how are you reacting to that? How does that live in you? And, for me, it was like, “Oh, I ran away to Colorado. I was 20 pounds overweight. I never shaved and I refused to put on makeup.”
L: Right? “Screw you, mommy.” (Laughs)
J: Right. I have to interject a funny story.
J: My mother-in-law wanted her kids to have long hair; even the boys. So for rebellion, they all got short haircuts. And he…
J: He said it was the ultimate slap in her face. (Laughs)
L: Do you understand?
L: It is… it is like… so even like… but every single trait…
L: … every trait of your parents is living in you some way or another.
L: And most people have never like gone deep into that. And it accomplishes a few things which is, I call your traits operating systems.
L: Like whether I like it or not, whether I'm skinny or not, whether I'm managing my body, whatever I'm doing, I'm looking out like my vantage is my parents; like my mother, in that case.
L: Right? And even if it's ‘me’, in quotes, it really is my conditioning expressed and my reaction.
L: And so when you sort that out and hear it, the best you can turn it into is, I call it like a dial.
L: Right? It isn't going away, but you certainly can realize you're acting out on 9 and you could get it down to a 2.
L: Right? And… right? Like, you really can dial those things in or out. And that's good because if you're… you know, I'll find a person who didn’t like his father and his father was totally charismatic. This guy is a ‘bored out of his’ mind accountant.
L: Right? And suppressed. And so I made him go to open mic. I made up like… but by the time we were like, “You need to find the ham in you and you have one in you; like I hear him, but he's not allowed out. Let's go get him out,” right? So then your traits can be things you work on and really like quickly you turn around, okay?
J: Oh yeah.
L: So that… okay, good? Brutally also, I also make you do your parents’ marriage traits.
J: Oh wow.
L: Or all of them or third marriage or no marriage or whatever they do do in their love life, and then I ask you how that lives in you.
L: Okay. So that you know yourself and know what you're reacting to; so that's section two. And then section three for the Handel Method is you're haunting memories.
L: And please look at all the 12 areas of your life to get all the haunting memories triggered up and written out. The things that you remember, the reason you remember them, why. Like for all the things you don't remember, there's what you remember. I say your dad, and you have those 3 stories. You think those 3 stories are your 3 stories for whatever reasons you think they are.
L: Right? I take the 12 areas of your life and what's your dreams and where you're not getting through to what you wish, those traits that are running you and reacting… you know, you're reacting to in their marriage and everything you're reacting to combined with the hauntings, and I can lay out for you basically what you're doing to yourself and how you're thinking things and how it all connects.
J: Ooh, wow.
L: And so that you can literally break out of it and rewrite the story and correct all of it.
J:Yeah, oh that's good.
L: Like take that goodie bag and run.
J: Yeah! Well, if someone wanted to learn more about your method or what you're doing, where could they find it? Where do they find you?
L: So we have a website.
J: Yeah, yeah.
L: The Handel Group; the h a n d e l group. And then the book is ‘Maybe It's You’. We have so many… I've been around for a long time now and I make sure I have so many different price points so that everyone can get taken care of, right; the 20 year old, the 12 year old, and the 55 year old.
J: Oh yeah.
L: Right? Yes, it's all there and there's courses and there's one-on-one and there's audio and there's pod… you know, there's everything you could possibly want, I'm trying to give it away as much as I possibly can.
J: Nice! Well, we'll have a link to your website at our show notes page, jenriday.com/102. So I want to talk about integrity.
J: And we all just set our New Year's resolutions a while back.
J: And we're going to quick take a break for our sponsor and then come back and talk about how we can really be… you know, have that integrity with ourselves to really achieve these goals. So we'll be right back.
(Interview resumes) 
J: Alright, welcome back. So, Lauren, let's talk about new years’ resolutions and having integrity; personal integrity.
J: And I've been thinking about this lately, you know, tell us your thoughts on personal integrity and why it's important and we can go from there.
L: Oaky, my favorite subject of all okay. So first of all, personal integrity is being able to keep a promise to yourself. So everyone knows how to keep… like if your kid needs getting picked, you're like, “Oh my god!” right? We take care of our boss, our husband, we take care of everybody else, but when it comes to your promises to yourself, that's what I'm calling personal integrity; that you're true to yourself.
L: That who you wish you were, what you wish you did in this minute, and that your personal integrity is that your actions align with your dreams; like who you want to be, who you wish you were or what you want to be up to, that all of your actions are a match for that dream.
L: That… when you're doing that, that has personal integrity.
J: Yeah. So I heard you say that, and I'm like, “Yeah I have dreams, I would have actions, but, but, but…” a lot of ‘buts’ were flooding into my mind. “But I can't do it. I want to lose 40 pounds, but I can't do it.” (Laughs)
J: So help me out; help me out.
L: Okay. So, first of, all the most important thing when you start dealing with personal integrity is, you realize that it's a promise that you have to make; like you make a deal, it's a contract.
L: Contracts need to be in time like, “For the next 30 days until I lose this weight,” like whatever it is, right?
J: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
L: Like, “Until I…” right? And that, when you make a promise, you do not make it in a vacuum with yourself.
J: Ah yeah.
L: You need a committed person promise, okay? I recommend children.
L: And I am not even kidding, right? So watch this, okay? Because I don't just believe in promises, I believe that, not only should you make a promise and it should be in time, like something you can measure that you did or didn't do, yes or no, right? And then you put in on consequence, right, so that if you don't keep that promise, you pay the bill; like there's a bill to pay. And the bill doesn't hurt you, it usually dings you; like it hurts your vices, okay? So, for me…
L: … it's very simple. If I want to make a promise, all I have to do is tell any one of my children and owe them money if I don't keep the promise.
L: Right? It will work every time.
J: How much do you have to pay them? I mean, what…?
L: I start low but if I pay out once, every time I pay, the number goes up.
J: Oh boy!
L: Next time I don't keep… right? So… and I start at 20 bucks because I'm not giving any of my kids 20 bucks.
L: And it won't kill me or hurt me or… and it won't send them over the moon, right?
L: It's like 20 bucks, whatev… whatever. But I do not like giving $20.
L: Right. Now, I do that like, I even… so any place that you want to change something, you would make a simple promise. So let's say… do you really want to lose 40 pounds?
J: Oh, sure, sure, yeah. (Laughs)
J: But I can tell you, I think I'm doing what you said; most of it. Like I have a measurable timeframe, etc, but go for it; tell me what you have.
L: You know, when I do health promises, I pick a plan; like I'll pick Dr. Mark Hyman’s plan, is who I pick.
J: Yeah, yeah.
L: And I get a person to negotiate with me what they're promising to do, right?
L: And that's like 3 meals a day what they're promising, and if they break it, what happened?
L: And that they have to be in communication.
J: Oh boy.
L: Like it's a daily activity, right? So that you don't get lost, right? So you would owe… if you broke any of your promises, you'd be clear about your promises, right? Like, it would be clear, “This is lunch, breakfast, lunch and dinner. This is what I can eat for snacks. This… I can't have any of this. I won't have any of that. If I have any of this, for every bite, I owe one of my kids $1.”
J: Mm-hmm. (Laughs)
L: If you have a bite, pay $1.
L: Right? Then call it $5.
J: Right. (Laughs)
L: It's not about punishing you and it's not about whether you're good or bad, it's about learning integrity, it's about being true to that dream more than the instant gratification of, “I'll do it tomorrow,” you know, “Who cares, right? I don't have time to cook it for myself,” right?
L: Whatever your predominant excuse is.
J: I heard a quote recently that, “Confidence comes from personal integrity.” Can you speak to that?
L: Oh, that sounds like my quote.
J: Maybe it is your quote; I don't know who said it.
L: It could be. I really talk about confidence because people want confidence to be a noun and it's a verb, right?
J: Mm-hmm. Ooh.
L: You want to have it. Like, “I want to have a chair, I want to have confidence,” and I'm like, “No, no, confidence is a verb because it happens in the moment.”
L: Okay? And in an area you have confidence; if you study an area, you have confidence. You have confidence because you would find out you keep promises to yourself or you keep a promise.
L: Right? “Oh, I always…” you know? Like, let's say you have confidence about how… how well-read you are in your work… you know, understanding of politics, right? You would go, “The reason I'm confident is because I read the newspaper every day.”
L: Like you would have a list of why you deserve your confidence; it's an active relationship.
L: “I'm having a great marriage,” right, means, “I'm having a great sex life. We talk. I tell him everything. I love him. I miss him,” like it's an act… a great marriage is active.
L: Right? And then you speak with confidence about an area you're competent.
L: The only way to be competent in an area is to have integrity.
J: Yeah, that's true.
L: Yeah, or your… see sociopath.
J: Oh, no.
L: (Gasps) “I didn't go back to politics! Ha ha!”
J: Hmm, that one makes me wonder. Someone once said, “Why are your kids so confident?” And I haven't been able to figure that one out. Maybe they're all sociopaths. (Laughs). Because they were too young to… no, I'm kidding. But they were too young to know. Yeah.
L: No, it just means… yeah. No, no, confidence is that… you know, confidence in children is they have really clapping parents who aren't trying to turn them into something they’re not.
J: True. Woo-hoo! It was all me, yeah! No, I’m kidding. (Laughs)
L: No it's… and they come from life, right? If you're… like, yeah, anyway there's a lot on that.
J: And it's modeled for them. There's something to that, I think.
L: As you can tell from the method, I think your kids are turning out exactly like you; or a reaction to you.
J: Oh yeah.
L: Yes. I think they're… I mean, my husband and I went to… haven't you ever..? And you have lots of kids. So we like literally go to the school conference…
L: … right, where they're talking about one of our kids, and every single line that they're talking about, we're like, “Oh, that's me. Oh, that's him. Well, that's me. Oh, that's him.”
J: (Laughs). Yeah.
L: Right? Like, it's like… like we're squirming because the entire bill of health, we can point to who’s more that one.
J: Oh! We totally do that. I'm like, “These aren't from my genes.”
J: “ And that's from you. I'll take ownership for this one, but that's from you.” Yeah, totally.
L: It really is kind of ‘pin the tail on the donkey’, right?
L: It's very cute.
J: Well, everyone, be sure to grab Lauren's book, ‘Maybe It's You; Cut The Crap, Face Your Fears, And Love Your Life’, it's awesome.
J: I was telling her that, “Not very many books make it to my nightstand, but it's lying there and I love it.” So… (Laughs)
L: Aww! Isn’t that romantic?
L: That’s like… like, you know? And that's awesome; thank you.
J: Yeah, you're amazing. I love… I just love you. I wish I could know you in person; you're great.
L: Aww! Come to New York!
J: You know! I think I might have to. Well, so we'll have a challenge from you to our listeners, but first I want to ask you, what does it mean for you to be a vibrant happy woman?
L: That I'm designing my life; like I'm living the life I designed and that I'm… you know, and I have personal integrity with everything I want to, not what everybody else wants me to, but what I want to.
J: So for every goal you set, you just do the 4 thing…
J: Well, you run through the method, but you do the 4 things. You make it in time, public, measurable, and with consequences.
L: Dang straight.
J: Awesome. Well, a challenge from you to our listeners.
L: One of my favorite things to do when someone sits with me and I'm not going to know them, (like we're not going to have a lot of time, right?) is I go, “First of all, pick an area in your life that you're not in love with but wish you were,” right? Like, “Oh my god, my love life. Oh my god, my career. Oh my god, my body,” like, “My mother,” right, “My family,” right? Like pick an area that you really want to impact.
L: Okay. So imagine you've picked that area, now there really is in everyone, in everyone, everyone knows the promise that they wish they would make and keep, but that they're not very good at; that like they're like avoiding, but like they… you literally know the one you're not going to promise.
L: So my dare is that… is have a conversation with someone; but don't do this alone. Have a conversation with someone and go, “Listen, I want to make a promise that I'm not likely to make. One, that I have to put in time and be consistent with for, right? And I want you to hold me to this and this is my promise in my consequence in that area.”
L: Okay? You want to get right and give up sugar, you know, give up the internet, right, for a whole…
L: .. you know?
J: That would hurt.
J: That would hurt. (Laughs)
L: Read, read. You know, my husband is so proud of himself, so if he doesn't spend a half-hour playing guitar a night, like learning guitar, he owes a kid 20 bucks.
J: (Laughs). Do your kids try to sabotage you, I'm thinking? Like, “We're going to be rich! Dad, where’s your guitar?”
L: No, no.
J: Just kidding. (Laughs)
L: It's not a bad idea and they certainly make that joke.
L: But he keeps the promise, right?
L: And he's learning guitar.
L: And then he's so proud of himself…
J: Yeah! Confidence.
L: … right, that is like… so, yeah. So it doesn't need to be significant, like it just needs to be something you wish you would do in an area that you're not that happy in, and tell someone and do this struc… like make the promise, put in the consequence.
L: And do it for a month, do it for 2 weeks.
J: Okay, I like that.
J: We’re going to rock this.
J: Well, this has been fun. Thank you so much for being on the show, Lauren. I love your work, I love talking with you; it was really fun.
L: I hope you come to New York and I would… you know, thank you for everything you're doing; I really love you. I love your work.
J: Well, thank you!
L: And you're doing great work; I know that, I know that.
J: Take care, Lauren.
J: Ah, I loved Lauren; her energy is amazing. If we lived close, right now we’d be really good friends. Lauren, if you're listening, I'm going to be in New York some day and we're going to meet up; this is a pinky promise. And, speaking of meet-ups, for those of you from the Madison, Wisconsin area, we are having a local meet up in person at a restaurant. So if you'd like to join us, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will send you all the details. So probably we will do this quarterly. I'm really looking forward to it because I love me some Vibrant Happy Women in person; it's so fun. Don't forget to sign up for that giveaway to win one of those Amazon gift cards for $100, celebrating 100 episodes of Vibrant Happy Women. You can sign up at jenriday.com/giveaway. One final tip, we are starting a brand new ‘heal your heart in 2018’ group; a self-love group. And spots are filling fast. We start really soon, so if you'd like to grab a spot, send me an email at support at jenriday.com, again, the same email I just gave you before, for the details. This is a paid program, small group coaching, for those who really want to learn to love and adore and appreciate themselves and to have massive confidence as you make decisions. So you can go forward in life with less fear and really grabbing your life by the horns and living your purpose. So if that sounds appealing to you, again, email me for details at email@example.com. Thank you so much for listening. I will be back on Thursday with a happy bit, all about winning the battle against ‘not good enough’. Thank you so much for listening, I love you all. Have a phenomenal day, evening, week, month, and life. And I will be back in your ear buds soon. Take care.
Outro: Thanks for listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast at www.jenriday.com.