175 Transcript: Joyfully Allowing Good Things to Come to You (with Jill Payne)
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JR: Hey, everyone, I am super excited to be here with Jill Payne today who was on so long ago in episode 91, which we replayed last week. And she is going to just fill us in on her life, how she's doing things differently; I know Jill said her morning routine has changed. But as a little bio, Jill has been doing some executive coaching and helping corporations and businesses do cultural strategizing. And that sounds so fun, you get to go in and just help them shift their mood, be freaking dimes, right? So tell us more about what that is, Jill.
JP: It is the best job ever. It's the whole principle that if we're having more fun, we're going to perform better, you know? And people who have more fun, usually every area of their life is working better. So it's kind of cool because a company can show how much they value their employees by bringing me in and saying, “We want your whole life to work better so that you work better at work.”
JR: Mm.
JP: For me, it's the whole thing that like if we want to change a big group of people, we have to start at the individual level…
JR: Mm.
JP: … you know, and give people these tools. I have this big analogy that I say that, “Good sailors were not made in calm waters,” you know?
JR: Yeah.
JP: And you notice in cooperations is we're constantly in a state of change. And either it's change because, you know, you're about to lose your shirt and things are going down or it's change because you're growing so quickly, right? So we can't have that excuse that like, “Oh, employees aren't engaged because, you know, there's a lot of change going on,” it's like we have to learn how to sail through these storms, you know, in work and everything. So the idea is that eventually, you know, I can't control the weather, and I want to stop trying to control the weather, but I can know that I have the sailing skills to handle whatever is coming.
JR: Exactly. And so you're in New York, would you say most of the people you're talking to are from the New York area?
JP: You know, actually no.
JR: Oh okay. (Laughs)
JP: Like, I was just in San Francisco this week with a tech company, I have still a lot of work in Canada and a couple programs here, but I just really love the lifestyle here, so that's mainly why I'm here.
JR: Well, so back to that quote, you said, “Good sailors were not made in calm waters,” what do you feel like is the biggest quote-unquote ‘storm’ sailors of the US or the world are facing right now? What do you think is the biggest stressor you hear about over and over and over again to help them with as they want to have more fun in their lives?
JP: Yeah, I would just say uncertainty…
JR: .
JP: … kind of, this idea that where everything is changing all the time and we're trying to control it. So I feel like it's understanding, I think we get into uncertainty and then we go into victimhood. So victimhood is a lot of stuff that I'm working with. You know, we're not powerful when we're blaming other people for things.
JR: Mm.
JP: So trying to get them to understand that, “You know, this isn't happening to you, it's happening for you, there's good things here. And how can you navigate the uncertain times?” Because that's the thing, I don't… I feel like a lot of… the big thing I would say, Jen, really is anxiety.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So anxiety in the uncertainty and anxiety and like, you know, needing to know what's happening and planning, I find we plan so far in advance because we're so anxious all the time, right? Like, “Oh my god! This might happen and that might happen, so I got to prepare for all this.” And it's like, “Can you just trust that, you know, whatever happens, you have the tools and resources to handle it when it comes and there's no need to overthink it and over prepare for it?” And just… I feel like we get so distracted, you know, in these ruminating thoughts of trying to control the future.
JR: Hmm, that's really, really cool. So what's the antidote? You know, you have tools, but is there a tool you can give us that helps us shift out of anxiety?
JP: Yeah, one tool I have around anxiety with dialogue, right? So, you know, people that listened to the last episode, if you didn't, you should because it's good stuff, and the idea that, you know, we manage our energy with what we do with our body, our focus, our dialogue. You know, so we can't constantly control our emotions, but when we have high energy, we're in a better mood and mental state. So energy management is just about, “You know, I'm in a good mood and mental state when I have energy, so instead of managing my emotions, I'm going to manage my energy which will determine my emotions,” right? So that's just background. So the dialogue piece that I've been talking about a lot lately is this idea that I feel like we have a kid in our belly and an adult in our throat.
JR: Mm.
JP: So the idea is when we freaked out about something, who normally freaks out, who normally gets anxious?
JR: Yeah, the adults.
JP: No, the kids.
JR: Oh okay (Laughs). You don't know my kids, they don't freak out about anything. Okay, fine, the normal family, yes.
JP: Yeah.
JR: Okay.
JP: That’s hilarious.
JR: (Laughs)
JP: That’s so good.
JR: That is really funny, I just…
JP: So for me, I would say the kid freaks out because they're kind of reliving the past and feeling unsafe. And what's interesting is, when a kid is freaking out, what would a poor… like what would a not great parent do? You know, usually they’ll…
JR: Freak out with them, yeah.
JP: Or, “Here, it's fine! Shh! Take this iPad,” or, “Why don't… take some chips,” you know, like we’re just trying…
JR: Yeah, yeah, “Here's the candy,” yeah, right.
JP: Right? So we do this to ourselves, right, we feel an uncomfortable emotion and it's that feeling where you're like, “I think… I think I need a snack, I feel uncomfortable,” you know, so… or, “I better scroll through Instagram.” So we get anxious and uncomfortable and then we go to these distracting things, right, which aren't going to fill that emptiness. I always say… I can say this on this podcast, I say that we have a god-shaped hole in our heart that, you know, only the divine can fill and we try to fill it with all that other garbage…
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: … physical condition, right?
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Amen (Laughs). So then the idea with dialogue is that I had this experience where I was going… before I moved to New York, I had to be at my parents’ house for a month. I don't think they’ve ever heard this story; they might when they listen to this. So I was going to live in their house and everyone and all my friends were like, “Oh my god, do you need a place to stay during the day? You know, what are you going to do at night? How can we help? What…” so I was freaking out. My kid was freaking out saying like, “We like our routines and what if we can't do them at your parents’ house?” and, “Ah!” you know, starting to freak out. So what I realized I started to think, “Yeah, yeah, I'm going to plan every day, I'm going to have a plan of Tuesdays, I stay here, Thursdays, I stay here.” And then I just had to stop and say to myself, “We haven't stayed at our parents’ house in a long time so we actually don't know what it's going to be like.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So maybe I can just say to that kid, you know, “Hey, kid, I understand that you're a bit worried about, you know, your routines, and in the past, you didn't feel like someone was always aware of you and present with you and making sure you got what you needed, but there's an adult present here that knows what you need and loves you and supports you fully. So if there’s something that comes up that we need, we will find the resources to get it.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? There's… if I'm there for a few days and I feel like I need some space, well, guess what? There's an adult present who can make sure that that happens.
JR: Yeah, that's really neat.
JP: Yeah, it’s the adult actually saying like, “Rest, you know, rest in me, little one, I got you, like it's all good,” right? So I want that adult and the kid inside of my body to almost feel like they're high-fiving.
JR: Mm-hmm. Well, I love how you're mentioning kind of these energy archetypes that we all have and we don't realize we do kind of have different voices in there, and you're making it so fun and playful, “High five, yeah!” (Laughs)
JP: I picture like we need to… every morning, I picture them high-fiving like, “Let's go,” you know, instead of this… because really, I think every time we're suffering or we're not feeling, you know, relaxed, we have to check in with like, “What's happening with our kid?” you know?
JR: Mm-hmm, yeah. And a lot of times, that kid in there wants to have more fun and the adult part is too boring. So they can work together and be…
JP: Right.
JR: … mutually beneficial, yeah.
JP: I like to call it a roll call.
JR: Mm, yeah.
JP: Like, “Roll call!” and I check in, “How’s the kid? How’s the adult?” you know?
JR: Mm-hmm, that's really cool. So back to that first step, you know, for getting out of anxiety, we have to manage our energy with what we do with our body, our focus, and our dialogue, give us a quick recap with how are you managing your energy, because you're in this city that never sleeps.
JP: Oh, how do I do it; I love this.
JR: Yeah.
JP: So since the last podcast, I have come up with a 3 month coaching program that involves 3 stages. So energy management is just simply stage 1, right? So I… it's gotten really in-depth, but I'd find even for myself, if I'm not feeling good, it always goes back to stage 1, it always goes back to just BFD. That's the thing, we try to figure out all of our problems with our head when we're in that low channel place, and you're not going to be able to figure it out, right?
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So just being able to have the awareness of, “Hmm, I'm on a bit of a lower channel, not feeling great,” and then shifting it to trying to sort it out with your brain to trying to manage your energy. So, for me, I can tell you what typically looks like you're in New York City, I make jokes that New York is the next level of the video game.
JR: (Laughs) That’s funny.
JP: Because it's like, “Yeah, you can manage your energy, you know, when you live on the beach and you can manage your energy when you're in a quiet town in Canada, but can you manage your energy in the biggest city of the world and the most exciting… you know, the city that never sleeps.”
JR: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
JP: So I was joking that my morning routine used to be 10 minutes, and now it's like 4 hours, you know?
[Laughter]
JP: It’s not really… it’s not really 4 hours, but I like to start my calls around 10:00 or 11:00 just so that I have time in the morning to… so basically, I would… I wake up and I do a meditation right away.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Sometimes a guided meditation, and then I sit with coffee and I write; and this is my favorite time. So I love loose leaf, it's a weird thing, I don't know, I'm left-handed so I don't like to have like the coil bounds of any books on my hand, so I like the freedom of loose leaf. So I write on… like a couple pages of blank loose leaf is like a dream for me. So I write all my goals or visions or anything that I'm thinking about on that day, I'll just write it out like, “What do I think is going to be happening in 2 months so I can relax?” I wrote that today or, “You know, what's the ideal situation from this point now?” or, “What are some feelings I want to feel?” Sometimes I even write letters to my little kid-self, it's a mixture.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So it's just kind of free-flowing writing for like an hour sometimes more, and then I go to the gym.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Now I call it vessel prep.
JR: Ooh, yeah, that's good; vessel prep.
JP: You’ve got to prepare the vessel, you know, #vesselprep, right? So I…
JR: (Laughs)
JP: I watched that show on Netflix the other day, I can't remember the name, but it was this lady who wanted a unicorn.
JR: Oh yeah, Unicorns Store, uh-huh.
JP: Yeah.
JR: I’ve seen that.
JP: And then Samuel Jackson I think is like fairy godfather guy and he said, “You know, well, do you have a house that is fit for a unicorn?”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So that's the idea, if I want this high-energy life, I want all these things, is my vessel prepared, you know? So I'm just constantly preparing the vessel. So I would go to the gym and then I would come home and I would make something delicious, some… a smoothie or some celery juice or something like that, and then I would start my calls or my meetings from there.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: And that's… that's the morning.
JR: That's beautiful, the writing for 60 minutes, have you heard of Julia Cameron's morning pages?
JP: No, but someone called it that the other day that…
JR: Ah.
JP: … morning pages, it sounds so much more poetic than what…
JR: (Laughs) What do you do with the papers once you've written it out?
JP: It’s funny you say that because I was going through them, I actually… I know some people, they do a lot of writing so they can look back at it, and I actually don't look back at it very often and I have piles of paper in every… you know, every place.
JR: (Laughs)
JP: But I was about to throw out a bunch and then I decided to pick out my favorite ones.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: And I… this is going to make me sound like a bit crazy, but I put them up on my bedroom wall.
JR: Aww. Well, read one of them to us, just a little bit of it, and we'll not think you're crazy, we promise. (Laughs)
JP: I’ve got to go in there.
JR: Okay.
JP: What's the topic, do you want me to read a letter to my younger self?
JR: Yes, that would be great.
JP: This is Jill getting vulnerable.
JR: Yeah, very, I know, thank you.
JP: It says, “My dearest Jillybean, you are so loved, you are so special, you are uniquely creative. You don't need to fix yourself or create yourself, just be yourself, you were made perfect and you have everything you seek inside of this being. I am here with you, feel me, you are safe, you are safer than you can imagine, a piece that passes human understanding, you can trust me I'm always with you, so close to your chest that cannot be felt from a human being. I never leave you and won't let anything harm you. I am always correcting you with a loving hand. Give me your fears and your worries, let me give you vibrational chest circles all day. I know in the past you thought you had to do something to be loved, you thought you had to earn it or prove yourself to people, you never have to prove yourself to me, you are loved as you are unconditionally.” Good?
JR: That is so good! Thank you for being vulnerable, it's wonderful.
JP: It's 3 pages. And then I have a… now, I’m looking at… I… so I wanted to tell you about this idea of my agent, Jen.
JR: Yes, okay, I can't wait.
JP: So I have contracts on the wall of what my agent will do and what my job is. So I need to explain that, but it's a fun exercise you can do when you're writing as well.
JR: Okay, okay. Well, let's finish going in order, you were saying the 3-month coaching program has 3 stages, energy management, and then what's the second month?
JP: So the second month is kind of I feel like where I have in the last 10 years. (Laughs)
JR: Uh-huh.
JP: You know, after you realize in stage 1 that you are no longer a victim…
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: … that you are creating your life, that you're deciding everything and it's all happening for you, stage 2 is about, you know, now that you're not blaming other people, what do you want and how are you going to get it and what's the process and what are the actions and what's the vision? You know, so stage 2 is the creation phase.
JR: Okay.
JP: So the way I explain it is stage 1 is all about creating fertile soil, so I have a good gardener reference here, and then stage 2 is all about what seeds do I want to plant.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So stage 2 is a lot of Law of Attraction, a lot of goal-setting, a lot of visioning. You know, I have a whole concept around disrupting your own curve, you know, getting out of the patterns that you're in to get yourself to that 5-year version of yourself that you've planned for yourself. And then stage 3 is that idea that a good gardener, once they've created the soil and planted the seed, they'll give it space and water, you know? So they don't stand over it. That's what I would say is like stage 3 is about, “Can you trust? Can you let go and know that what matches you is coming and you don't have to push it forward, you're actually going to be pulled into the right scenarios?”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right. So stage 1 is I've set the good energy, I've set the soil, and then I've planted the seeds so I have a clear vision.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So at that point I can actually trust that now my only job is to line up with what I've asked for.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? The job is to prepare my vessel, is to create the house for the unicorn.
JR: Yes, I love! I love it; so good.
JP: And then I'm also starting to work on a stage 4 where… you know, so stage 3 it's about, “How do you align with your source energy or the divine or God so that you're allowing those things in?” and then stage 4 is that, you know, I'm starting to realize that that's the best part, right? I don't really care if my vision comes, as long as I get to feel the connection with the divine.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right.
JR: That's good. Well, I want to ask a Law of Attraction question before we talk about your agent stuff. So Law of Attraction, a lot of people will set dates and deadlines and then freak out when it doesn't happen and say, “Law of Attraction doesn't work. I mean, I don't know, I was totally in the game, I was visualizing.” So speak a little more about that detachment that you're talking about…
JP: Yes.
JR: … when you let go.
JP: That's it, right? Like, that's why everything started to work once I… I realized that it's not my job to make it happen, it's my job to think about it and find the feeling, you know? So, like I said, I was in stage two planting the seed and then standing over the seed like you're explaining and saying like, “Come on, you know, it's time. I planted you, where are you? You know, do you want some helped? Do you want me to move the soil? Like what do I got to do?” right? So I would just be asking and imagining it, but like working so hard.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So what I realized is that I need to actually give it space and water and walk away and trust that, you know, I’ve set the clear vision and the universe knows what I want and knows what I need and is going to bring me something that matches me. So I think the thing we have to let go of is how it looks, right? So it might look different than you thought, but it's going to give you the feeling that you've been desiring.
JR: Oh, I love that. It's not about what you get, it's about the feelings. And so many of us think we want… I'll give a crazy example. I heard of a guy who wants like his Lamborghini or his Porsche or we want the certain house, but we don't realize what we really want is the feeling we think we're going to have with the object or the thing, right?
JP: Right. I think when we put parameters around… you know, you're like, “Yeah, I have a vision, but it's got to look this way, it's got to be the blue car,” you know? So we…
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: A blue car might be… you know, or it's easier to say people, right? Say you're like, “I need… I need a partner and I want it to be this guy,” you know? And that guy could actually be on a 7 when you're at a 10.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So the reason you're not getting the exact things you want could be because they're literally not a match to you.
JR: Or you have contradictory ideas, like maybe you don't want to leave your family too much but then you're trying to envision this trip; yeah, you know? I think I shared a Happy Bit a while ago, I thought we needed to go to Walt Disney World and I thought it would feel a certain way. But then when I got clear, I realized when we travel, it doesn't feel good, so I was sending out contradictory desires, you know?
JP: Right. And the thing I think that I've really started to understand is that, you know, the brain where… like my ability to envision right now in my present day is limited, right? So if I'm trying to put a vision that's super limiting, you know, it might be way better than I have the ability to envision this place here.
JR: Yeah.
JP: Right? So the thing I always say is, “I know what it feels like and source or God knows what it looks like.”
JR: Mm, that's so good. Can you give us an example of what you're currently, you know, feeling out? (Laughs)
JP: I love that because I have a really… the moment that that came to me was like everything has been different since this moment, okay, so I'll tell you this story; this is a good one.
JR: Okay.
JP: So I was recently… actually, it was last June, I went to Israel with a group of leaders in the sports area.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So I got selected for this trip, you had to get referred to the trip by someone who had gone the year before, so my dear friend, JC, had nominated me and I got asked to go. And at the time, I didn't think it was a big deal, you know, and I didn't understand, but I was like, “Well, she went had a great time, great,” you know? So I didn't look up the itinerary, I didn't really know what was going to be happening and I just trusted her and I went on this journey, you know, with no expectations. But I feel like at that time, I kind of knew what it would feel like, but I didn't know what it would look like.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: You know? And I started to look up an itinerary, and I didn't know any of these places or any of these names so it meant nothing to me, you know? So I could have done all the research and figured out where we were going, but I just… literally, I went and had no idea, okay? So I go and I end up meeting 50 of… they’re pretty much my family now and they're some like really hardcore like very professional successful people in the area of sports.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: And we were travelling all through Israel and we didn't have to worry about anything. And I didn't realize how luxury it was. So it wasn't even like everything was taken care of, it was like things exceeded our expectations every day, right? So we would arrive at some 5-star hotel and there would be refreshments for us and slippers in the rooms and… and then they'd have this full schedule of events, we saw every amazing thing that you can see in Israel like and you didn't have to think about it. You just got on the bus in the morning and your job was just to figure out, “Who's the person sitting next to you?” not, “Where are we going? What time are we going to get there? Do we have enough?” like it was just like literally, I was so present the whole time, right?
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: By the end, I had the “ #expectrefreshments” because I would start to get a bit peckish in the afternoon and I’d think, “I’m a bit hungry.” And then I'd arrive at a hotel and just look around and say, “There's got to be refreshments here,” and of course, there was.
JR: (Laughs) That’s great.
JP: So literally, this is the way that I want to live my whole life expecting refreshments, you know, expecting things to exceed my expectations. So on the last day, everyone was talking about how what they heard the last day was so good, and we're in the south of Israel, we’re in the desert and we've just spent the day at the Dead Sea floating in the salts like, you know, making mud masks, it’s amazing, and we're at this crazy fancy hotel overlooking a crater.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: And they take us on this bus and, you know, they say, all of a sudden, they're like, “We're going to get off this bus silently and we have a little activity for you.” So it's dark, Jen, imagine this, we're in the middle of desert, it's dark, they put us in a big circle, now we've been together for a week so I know these people now, I feel like I know these people. And we're in the dark and we had just spent… you know, a couple days earlier, we went to Jerusalem, and I was excited, you know, because I loved the divine and I thought, “I'm really going to feel this energy at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre or the Western Wall, like I'm going to get that like wow feeling.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: And it was okay, but not the feeling I was expecting, you know? So we're in this circle in the crater and our… the leader of our group says… you know, there's a rabbi that does this thing called… it's called a Hitbodedut, it's a Jewish tradition where you speak out loud to God in nature.
JR: Mm.
JP: Right? So this idea that you actually create a personal relationship with the divine in conversation in nature.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So super dark, she… they got kind of glow sticks around and she says, “So right now, you've got 10 minutes to walk around in this designated space and speak out loud to God,” and at the time, I'm thinking, “Ugh, I don't know,” you know? So everyone kind of walks around and they're whispering, you can hear everyone kind of…
JR: (Laughs)
JP: … like… and you can tell who, you know, speaks to the divine off because some people are like oh, “Hi, it's Jill here,” you know? And by the end, I had my arms in the air, tears in my eyes, and all I could think, “You know, this was so much better than I could have ever even envisioned.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: I never could have imagined the trip would be like this. I never could have imagined that amazing people I met, the places we went, I never like in my power to view things could have imagined it would happen like that.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So I have my arms in the air and I said, “I get it, I know what it feels like and you know what it looks like.”
JR: Aww, that's so good.
JP: “So I'm not going to get in the way anymore, you know? Like, you just do whatever you want because it's so much better than I'm creating myself.”
JR: Mm-hmm, oh that's so great. Well, so how did you kind of use Law of Attraction to know that you can even feel that good in the first place, you know, or you just tried your best to get into the closest thing you could imagine?
JP: Well, I think, for me, Law of Attraction, that's why I do all this writing, the biggest thing is you’ve got to train your body what the future feels like, you know, and Dr. Joe Dispenza says that. So it's a matter of like training your body what these feelings are actually going to feel like.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So in all of my visioning, I have so many kinds of exercises. Now, we want to try to train the mind and the body what the experience is actually going to feel like.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So, for example, if someone has a vision, that's great, they know what they want. So my next piece would say, “Okay, well, what's the image when it's already happening?”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So, for example, say you want this giant contract from this company, so the image, you know, when it's already happening, I picture myself in a studio recording some content for them.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So that's when the contracts, it's already been a yes, you know, I'm laughing in a studio with people that work at the company, we're having a good time, right, that's my vision.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So, again, we want to train the body what it feels like. So I could just think about that image and picture myself in the studio or even… like this is the thing, we got to take it to the next level. So the best would be for me to be in my body in the studio recording that stuff.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So then, I'm actually looking at my own hands, I'm actually feeling the fun energy of being in the studio with those people collaborating.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So instead of just seeing yourself from a bird's eye view, like actually getting inside your vision, inside the image, inside the experience.
JR: That's cool.
JP: And I think that's the thing you got to let go of, “Not because I need it to happen, right, but because I like that feeling.”
JR: Oh yeah. So… and maybe you don't get that exact scenario, but you're going to get that feeling in one way or another.
JP: Right. And actually, that's the thing, I have it in that moment.
JR: True.
JP: You know, this is the thing, it's kind of stage 3 is that I've noticed like I go to SoulCycle a lot and my favorite feeling is feeling connected to the divine, right? And I'll be in SoulCycle and there's a song on that's so exciting and I feel like my chest is going to explode and I could just go as fast as I want and I have limitless energy, that is my favorite feeling.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: You know? But if I'm still caught up with, “This is the grocery list of everything it needs to happen so I can feel it,” I'm going to miss that actual moment.
JR: Truth. Wow, that's so beautiful.
JP: Right? And that's the idea that, when I'm in that place, I don't care what happens because I already have that like the ultimate feeling that I want.
JR: Exactly. And I've noticed a lot of people only seem to be happy when they go on their vacations, (Laughs) it's like they're looking for that vacation, but you’re saying we can live it all the time, you know?
JP: You could wake up, and before you put your feet on the ground in the morning, imagine you are on vacation.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: And you got a look at… so I think that's the thing, this is stage two as well is like look at what are the goals you have and what's the feeling you think you're going to feel? “So what is the vacation that makes me feel good? Is it freedom? You know, is it fun? Is it relaxing? So if those are the feelings that I'm desiring, I need to do something now.”
JR: Mm-hmm, exactly. And staycations (I'm learning) give me more of the feeling I want than vacations; at least with my whole family. (Laughs)
JP: It’s funny…
JR: It’s so funny.
JP: It’s funny, I was at Abraham Hicks last weekend and they were saying that the daydream is almost more important. She was talking about like creating this acreage and this… you know, this farm house, and she was saying the daydream actually doesn't involve, you know, the plumber asking her questions about the water system.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: You know? So it's like the daydream can sometimes be even more enjoyable than the actual thing.
JR: Oh my goodness, that's so true!
JP: So just allow yourself to sit and daydream, and that's it. I live in an alternate reality most of the day.
JR: (Laughs) I'm getting there, I feel the same way. I love just being in my head, it's so much fun. That's why my bed… my bed is my favorite place because I can just… I have a key code door lock and no one can come in, and I go into my head, yeah. (Laughs)
JP: And I feel like then you start to attract people that want to have those kinds of conversations too, you know, like look at us right now.
JR: Ah, Jill, I totally love you, you're so cool.
JP: I love you…
JR: We've got to actually meet in person someday.
JP: Right, we will.
JR: Yeah, we will, I know it, yeah. I can already feel it, I can feel the hug! Yes!
JP: I feel the feeling…
JR: You’re so amazing!
JP: It’s going to be like that feeling of like that, “Yes, my tribe is here.”
JR: Yeah.
JP: That's what it’s going to feel like.
JR: Totally, totally, I love it. Okay, if we've covered all 3 of the levels, tell us more about the agent thing you were talking about.
JP: So the agent thing has been quite an experience, but I have two stories really that need to be said on this podcast. First is the agent, and then we'll talk about the shepherd breaking my leg, okay?
JR: Okay.
JP: Those are my few stories, people get a lot out of this. People love stories, I realized this, you know? I'll come back after doing a talk and people are like, “I remember that club soda story,” and I'm like, “Nothing else I said, just the club soda story.” (Laughs)
JR: That's what they remember, it's true.
JP: Yeah.
JR: (Laughs)
JP: So the agent, what happened was, earlier this year… so on my list of images, I've been writing out that I want an agent, you know, for probably like almost a year now.
JR: Like a talent agent kind of thing?
JP: Yeah. So like I have this curriculum, I have this journal and I want to get it published, you know, I'd like to have my own sponsored podcast someday, I'd like to do, you know, maybe some corporately funded content, you know, things like that, right? So there's things that I have dreams of that I think an agent could help me with, right? So I imagined an agent coming to me, and in my vision, I imagined myself coming out of SoulCycle and getting a call from my agent of good news; that's my vision of the agent, right?
JR: Okay.
JP: So I'm busy preparing the vessel and my agent is working for me, right…
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: … making things happen. So at one point, this agency comes to me and they're like, “Yeah, we're really interested, you know, we heard about you from this person, and can you come meet with us?” And like I walk into this New York office and it's white and it's amazing and there's beautiful windows and I thought, “This is exactly what I picture of an agency,” you know? And then we start to get talking and they send this contract, and I'm actually in Costa Rica on retreat at the time so I'm negotiating this contract and the percentage was a touch high. And now that I have all these friends from Israel that a bunch of them are agents and they're like, “Jill, what are you doing? You know, you can't do that,” like… and I was… you know, at one point, they wrote me back and said, “This is what we can do,” and it was still so high and I had this like Canadian fearful like little small syndrome where I was like, “(Gasps) I guess I should go with it,” you know?
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: I was just so resistant to letting this opportunity pass me by, like I was in an internal struggle. And then, at the time, I said, “Okay, well, this isn't how I want it to feel, you know, I feel like I'm being… like even the negotiation with me doesn't feel good. Are they going to do this with my clients?” like, you know, it's not the Jerry Maguire feeling that I had imagined.
JR: Yeah.
JP: So it was big for me to say, “Thank you, but no thank you.” I actually said like, “I appreciate all your time, but, you know, this isn't a start of a relationship that I'm interested in pursuing.”
JR: Right.
JP: And then I had this like epiphany, and the whole experience is worth this realization. So I had to sit with myself and say, “Okay, I'm disappointed, but what was the feeling I thought an agent would give me?”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: And I thought, “Well, an agent would have contacts that I don't have and make sure that I got opportunities that I wouldn't normally get myself.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: You know, they would make sure that my careers on the right path and that I find matching opportunities, and they would help me manage everything and prepare the journeys, they would come with me on these trips, right? And I would be able to focus on what I do best and they would be able to handle the rest…
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: … better than I could, right, so that was my whole idea. And then I thought, “Well, who can do that better than any earthly human being?”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? And I thought, “Well, God or source.”
JR: Right.
JP: So then this was the big moment when I said, “I already have an agent.”
JR: Yeah! (Laughs) I love it.
JP: “I have the best agent in the world,” you know? And then I started to kind of think about the characteristics of my agent who is source and I remember, I had a moment where I thought, “My source doesn't even sleep!”
JR: (Laughs) That’s good.
JP: “Just constantly working for me,” you know, “And my agent knows every single hair on my head and bone in my body and knows what I need before I even need it.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: You know? “And I don't have to prove myself to my agent.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: “My agent loves me unconditionally,” right?
JR: Right.
JP: Like, “I don’t have to manipulate any situation to get what I need from my agent, my agent is already so loving.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So then this idea was that, you know, every time I'd be on the call with a company or I think, “Oh, I hope this goes through,” and I think, “Well, it's a good thing I have an agent,” and I would literally, it allowed me to let go.
JR: Mm-hmm, yeah!
JP: Go over and say, you know, “Agent, you do this better than I do and you have a plan here,” you know? And I know that everything is for me, my agent is always for me, never against me, there's no force in the world that is against me. So if something is not happening how I want it to happen, it's because my agent has a better plan for me.
JR: Mm-hmm. So a lot of people think Law of Attraction is just getting all these good things, have you ever known that your agent is working for you when it… life gets kind of sucky and challenging or do you…? Maybe you use different words for it, I don't know.
JP: That's a great segue to my other story. So and something, it's like, “Can you trust that the agent is there in the storm and the storm is somehow beneficial?” right? And I think oftentimes, we feel struggle, we feel like life isn't going well because we're so resistant to letting go of what's not working.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? We're like, “No, it has to be this way!” and the agent is thinking like, “Just release the grip a little, I got better things for you here.”
JR: Yeah.
JP: Right? So my story is, before I moved to New York City… so people are going to love this one, get ready.
JR: Okay, okay.
JP: So I got to preface it, I'm going to tell the Shepherd story first, okay? So there's a story that a Good Shepherd always protects and corrects its sheep.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So the idea that, you know, sheep in some level, you know, they don't have hands, you know, they can't fend for themselves, it's actually dangerous if they're not with the group, right? They could fall in a river, they could get eaten by lion, right? So the idea is that, you know, sheep need to stay together and they… they don't follow their conditions; this is huge. And sheep doesn't look for their own physical conditions that they need, they just trust that the shepherd will bring them to the conditions that they need.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So a good sheep, they don't strive, they just follow the shepherd and know that the shepherd will bring them where they need to be.
JR: Yeah.
JP: Right?
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So this idea that apparently there's a story that if a sheep were to stray often, you know, a good shepherd might actually crack its little leg with its staff…
JR: Mm.
JP: … and break its leg, right, you think, “Ugh!” right, and then put the sheep over its shoulder and shoulder the sheep for a while until it starts to heal. And when the sheep starts to heal, it will never leave the side of the shepherd.
JR: Aww.
JP: Right? So it teaches the sheep to be, you know, more trusting of the shepherd.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Okay? So that's the shepherd story. So now, go back to my… my real life story is that, before I moved to New York City, I had this plan that I was… you know, I was trying to get to New York City and I was in stage 2, I was pushing it, Jen, I was like, “I got to get there, it's going to long, it’s been so long. I can picture it, I know the smell, I know what it'll feel like when I walk out, I've been doing it!” you know?
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So then I went to a SoulCycle class when I was visiting here and I thought, “Oh my god, that's it! I'm going to be a SoulCycle instructor.”
JR: Ah! (Laughs) Yeah.
JP: And in my head, I thought, “It's perfect. I'll have like a full audience 3 times a day that can hear my message, I'm going to get more clients, I'm going to get to move my body every day and inspire people, you know, it'll be great,” right? But also, side note, you'll be teaching 3 classes a day 6 days a week probably living in Jersey because you can't afford Manhattan.
[Laughter]
JR: Right, right.
JP: And this is the thing, at the time, to be honest, so I decided to apply and you had to apply to audition; so I got asked to audition. And at the time, people were like, “Damn, you make this amount of money?” and I was like, “Oh, I don't know, it's fine,” like I was ignoring the signs, right? And they were like, “What if you have to travel for your own work, will they let you?” and I was like, “Oh, for sure, for sure they'll let me, don't worry,” you know?
JR: (Laughs) Yeah.
JP: I was just adamant that this was going to be the way I was going to get there.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So then I go to this audition and you basically had to prepare two 30-second pieces of 2 songs that you would be ready to perform.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So I walk into this audition and it was like… I was like, “Oh my god,” it was like Broadway dancers stretching their legs over their heads and it was like I looked around and was like, “Oh my god, oh my god!” like it's kind of like, “What am I doing here?” you know?
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: It wasn't my space at all. And then people would ask me they'd be like, “So, where do you teach?” and I'd be like, “Hmm, I don't, I don't really teach.”
[Laughter]
JP: And they're like, “So, where do you ride?” and I was like, “Don't… don't really ride much either, you know?” but I kept thinking, “But I got a message,” you know? And then they'd ask me top like, “How many times have you auditioned?” and I'm thinking, “This is my first time,” you know?
JR: (Laughs)
JP: So like it’s quite a… you know, these people were like auditioning for the 4th time or something and they’re spin teachers, like it was… it's very competitive. So they take you into this room, we have 2 rooms of 50 people, so there's 100 people there and they there's 2 rooms and you like ride and, you know, they… basically, the people walk around and are kind of like assessing whether you can handle the… you know, the pace of a SoulCycle class, are you on brand for them, that kind of thing, right?
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So then after we do that, they basically come out and they're like, “Okay, bikes number 7, 25 32,” you know, “Everyone else, you can go,” so the group gets cut in half just like that.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So I get asked to be in the second callback and I'm on bike 47. So everyone's going to go up and do their two 30-second pieces in front of the whole group, so we're all being their riders.
JR: Oh, yeah.
JP: Right?
JR: Yeah.
JP: And then they cycle through. And after the first rider, Jen, I realized that, you know, I asked someone, “Do I need to cut my music? Because… you know, or am I going to have control over my computer?” and they're like, “No, no, you'll have control.” So I didn't cut my music into 30-second pieces, and as soon as the first rider gets up there, I realized that everyone has cut their music and I don't…
JR: Oh.
JP: … touch my computer at all. So I'm going to have to do these 2 songs from the very beginning, I don't even know what the beginning is.
JR: (Laughs) No.
JP: I sit through 47 people, just think about that a little bit, right? So I get up and, you know, I do okay and the choreography is okay, but the message is clear and I left feeling kind of like, “Yeah, it was alright,” but not like super jazzed about it, but I was still trying to be positive and still forcing the crap out of it, right, like, “No, it's fine, it's fine, this is my destiny, I'm going to be a SoulCycle instructor, right?
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So then a couple days later, I'm still in New York, and this is the best part, there's a big snowstorm, okay, so I get stuck in New York City for one more night. And, you know, when a snowstorm happens here, it's like mayhem and I get whatever hotel I can and I'm in like one of the worst hotels in Chelsea, like there's thousands of rooms, it's horrible. So I'm in this room and I’m mad that I'm late and I haven't heard from SoulCycle and so I go to the gym beside the hotel, okay, this is the best story. So I had my Tom Brady bands, I'm doing my band workout, right, elastic exercise bands, and I attach my bands to this giant metal cage that is covering a post.
JR: Oh.
JP: Right? And as I start to do my workout, the entire cage comes down, like it's like…
JR: (Gasps) (Laughs)
JP: … the whole ceiling comes down and falls on my foot.
JR: Oh no.
JP: And I'm on the ground like (Gasps) I can't even talk, I can't even tell someone it fell, like I'm just like, “I can't.” And I'm talking to a friend and she's like, “You need to tell them that this fell!” and “Urgh!” I’m like, “I just need to go home,” you know? So I go home, I pretty much have a broken foot, I go back to this hotel, I have to put this boot on, so I've got this broken foot, I'm in a snowstorm, I'm still waiting to hear back from them, right? Then the next morning, Jen, I'm getting into a shuttle, right, I'm getting into a super shuttle and I get this email that says, “You have not been accepted as a SoulCycle instructor.”
JR: Mm.
JP: And I'm a celebrity trainer and I can't even imagine, right, and I'm like, “I’ve been rejected? I will never recover from this!” you know, I'm losing it, right? And 2 minutes later, I get the email that says, “You have been accepted to this Israel trip.”
JR: Oh.
JP: I was like, “Who cares?” at the time, I was like, “Who cares? I’m trying to be a SoulCycle instructor, I got to get to New York,” right? So I break my foot and I go back to Canada and I am just like, for days, I can't even… I'm so… I'm almost embarrassed, I feel like this is the kind of rejection that I will never recover from.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: This is going to be the key marker on my whole life, right?
JR: (Laughs)
JP: And, again, I have to gather myself, right? So Shepherd broke my leg literally in a lot of ways, right Shepard broke my foot at the gym and broke my spirit with this rejection. So I get home and I start to think to myself, “Why did I want to go to New York? What was the feeling?” right? Well, I wanted to feel like the impact of sharing and growing my community. I wanted to feel like I got to move my body every day and be in the exciting energy of New York City. And I just started to imagine what that would feel like, right?
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: And then literally, I don't know how it happened, Jen, but I wrote a 200 page curriculum of a coaching program in the next month.
JR: Oh, wow.
JP: And I decided I wanted 10 clients at a time, and this was in like June, and I had them registered in the next month as well.
JR: Nice, that’s fantastic.
JP: So I remember writing you about it, right?
JR: Yeah, yeah.
JP: You know, and then I got all the people. And then what's crazy is then I was able to move to New York on my own accord with my own business.
JR: With way more freedom.
JP: Yeah. Like now, I get to move my body every day as a participant.
JR: Yeah! Oh my gosh.
JP: That story comes full circle. So I was waiting to hear back on the biggest contract I've ever had for the company, right, and it just so happened that they were having the call at the exact same time I was in a SoulCycle class.
JR: Mm.
JP: So I'm SoulCycle class in the studio where I auditioned with the instructor that said no to me and the team at this company is in a meeting discussing whether they're going to okay the biggest proposal that I've ever made.
JR: Yeah.
JP: And I'm sitting in that room and I'm in tears again thinking, “Oh my god, thank you SoulCycle, thank you for saying no.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: You know? And that's what I realized too, like can I trust a no, right? And where… in this moment too, I'm thinking, “Where else in my life am I getting a very clear no and not listening?”
JR: Ooh, yeah. And where else was it?
JP: Lots of areas, right? It's even like we force relationships, we force… you know, even everything, we're forcing things all the time.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Other contracts, certain clients, you know, like I want to be literally like, “If it comes, let it, if it goes, let it, because I got an agent who's making sure I get the right things.
JR: Yeah, that's so good, “If it comes, let it, if it goes, let it,” mm.
JP: Yeah.
JR: So the Israel thing… and, you know, you didn't even recognize it for what it was. How do you now live your life with your eyes more open to what is coming, you know, not just the no’s but the yes’s?
JP: Yeah, it's… I think my favorite feeling is this feeling of surrender, of like knowing that I'm taken care of and knowing that things are happening as they should. So I think I let go of things a lot faster, I would say.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: I feel much more relaxed in the process, you know, so I'm never trying to… like that's the thing. I think with Law of Attraction as well, I want there to be an equal desire to be together; that's one of my favorite things to say.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? Relationships, even relationships with companies, right, I just want to be like, “I don't have to convince you or manipulate the situation, you know, we both want something here and it's going to work out well.”
JR: Yeah.
JP: Right? Another thing I would say is that I know when I… I actually write out contracts for my agent, right? So my agent’s going to find me the opportunities and all that stuff, but my job is to literally prepare my vessel and get on the most joyful channel possible so I can actually be a match to the things that I've asked for.
JR: Mm-hmm, oh, that’s good.
JP: So my only marker of success is going to be joy.
JR: Yes, and gratitude for what you already have maybe.
JP: Oh my god, and I say that all the time. I pretty much thank God for everything that he's already done and everything he's about to do.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: I think that's the feeling you want to feel all the time too is expectant.
JR: Oh yeah, expect refreshments, hash tag…
JP: Exactly.
JR: Yeah. (Laughs)
JP: Expect refreshments.
JR: (Laughs) That’s great.
JP: Right? I just expect that I've asked for it and I've been clear, and now if it matches me, it's coming. And, you know, the thing that I think allows more trust is to think also I'm doing the actions that are allowing me to get there.
JR: Mm-hmm. What are those?
JP: I'm meditating, I'm imagining it, I'm writing, I'm eating good food, I'm sleeping a lot, you know? There's something I noticed with the client recently is that, oftentimes on our list of things that we want, you know, so this client had something on his list that he wanted to lose 15 pounds, you know? And side note, I think every suffering emotion has a message, so we're definitely meant to feel those as well, we just get to decide how long we stay there. And if you blame other people for it, you're going to stay there longer; side note. But the emotion of guilt, what it's saying is that, “I have set an important standard for myself and I violated it,” right? So the message of guilt is either readjust your standard if it's too rigid or make yourself certain that you won't… you know, you won't violate your standard, right?
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So this guy wants to lose 15 pounds and I'm like, “Well, what are you doing?” you know, he's like, “I don't want to change my food too much and I want to enjoy,” you know, so it gets to be on his list forever, it's probably been there for 10 years.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: But, you know, his standard is he should lose 10 pounds, but there's no actions to do it.
JR: Right.
JP: Right? So, for me, I think either create the actions to do it, create the standards that are going to give you that result or just take it off the list.
JR: Right, get rid of the guilt, mm-hmm.
JP: To stay in the middle we're just going to feel that guilt all the time.
JR: Right.
JP: Right? So, for me too, part of it is saying, “If these are the things I want, have I prepared the house for the unicorn?”
JR: Yes.
JP: You know, “Am I being someone who gets those things?”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: And that's the thing too, it’s not what you get, it's who you become, so you want to become that. So it doesn't actually matter, you know, whether you get it, it's, “Are you being someone who has those things? Is the personality that you are someone who has that personal reality?”
JR: So for the guy wanting to lose 15 pounds, who would you say he has to be to have that outcome?
JP: So I think self-discipline is self-love, you know? So when I hear someone who wants to change their body, I hear a lot of kind of self-doubt and maybe not self-love. So someone who wants to lose 15 pounds or whatever, I would say, well, make an action plan, you know? And it has to be a new action plan. So how many times have we tried to over exercise and restrict our eating to get no results, so that's not going to be the plan.
JR: Right.
JP: He needs to make an innovative plan that he hasn't tried yet. He needs to, you know, get some professionals to help him. He needs to decide that he's not… you know, those moments where you're deciding to eat healthy and then all of a sudden, you're like, “Blah! Whatever, I'm going to have these Doritos,” right?
JR: (Laughs)
JP: Those moments can't happen if that's on your list.
JR: Right, exactly.
JP: Right? And, for me, the thing is, if I want to feel proud of myself, I need to eat or move in a way that is my standard.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: I’ve got to get… because, for me, I don't think it's about weight loss or what you look like, it's about feeling proud at the end of the day.
JR: Yeah, being the healthy person first.
JP: Yeah. So that’s the idea that he needs to either get clear on, “What's the new approach he hasn't tried yet and that he's going to be fully committed to?” and not fully committed for the rest of his life, but try it for a few months.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So what's actually interesting about this client is he wrote me a couple days later and said, “Jill, I took it off the list.”
JR: Aww, good.
JP: He said, “I actually like how I am now and it's just a reason for me to feel bad about myself.”
JR: Mm-hmm, exactly.
JP: Right? So that's the idea too, right, so what is it that we're trying to achieve from these goals? And that's the thing with Law of Attraction, you got to really look at, “What's the feeling you think you'll have when these arrive?”
JR: Yeah, yeah. Well, if someone listening wants to work with you through your 3-part program (soon to be 4 part program)…
JP: Yes.
JR: … what do they need to do? Do you even have spaces, you know?
JP: I don't have spaces, but I will have some spaces in a couple… well, by the time that you air this, I will… could potentially have spaces. (Laughs)
JR: So do you have… just contact you, email?
JP: Yeah, jill@jillpayne.ca.
JR: Okay. Well, are you Canadian anymore or are you a New Yorker (Laughs) .ca?
JP: Who's asking?
[Laughter]
JP: No, I’m kidding, I’m kidding.
JR: jill@jillpayne.ca, got it.
JP: Yes. And what I wanted to say for your listeners as well, I've created a… it's actually a 60-day energy challenge.
JR: Ooh.
JP: So every day, you get a tip for your body or your focus or your dialogue for 60 days, you get an audio recording and you get a written description. So normally, that's $100, but I'm going to give your listeners a code that is ‘diming 50’ and you're going to get 50% off that, so it's 50 bucks.
JR: Oh, cool. And where do we go to find that?
JP: So that's on jillpayne.ca as well, you go to Experience, you go to Online offerings and it's right there. We can… I can give you the link so you can put it in the notes.
JR: Oh yeah, we'll put the link in the show notes at jenriday.com/175.
JP: And the idea of this challenge is that literally it's like 1 to 2 minutes every day, you know, it's nothing that's… because that's the thing, people are like, “Oh, don't have time to manage my energy,” it's like, “Really?” you know?
JR: It’s true, it’s true.
JP: So it's just a little tip, and my big tip would be, “Do something different,” you know? If you've been doing the same routine for a long time and you're not feeling good, well it's not working.
JR: Mm-hmm, shift it.
JP: Right? Like, if you want something different, do something different.
JR: Perfect, such good advice. Well, let's take a very quick break for our sponsor, Jill. Well, wait, before we go, I'll let it this out, is there anything more you want to cover on that section before we shift?
JP: No, I think that's… I think that's good. But everyone needs to know they have their own agent.
JR: Yes, I love that.
JP: I walk past people in the street now in New York City and I smile and I think to myself, “You got an agent taking care of stuff, you don't even know it.” (Laughs)
JR: Yeah! So true. It's such a more positive outlook on life, so much happier. I bet that probably that outlook completely reduces anxiety if people would believe it. Does it work that way for your corporate clients as they…
JP: Yes.
JR: … realize it? Yeah.
JP: And I think it totally works for me. Like, I've never felt so trusting as I have in the last couple months since I realized that I have an agent.
JR: I like it. And you already had a belief in God, but changing the word to ‘Agent’, it does kind of give it a cool meaning, you know, do you feel that way?
JP: I'm going to blow some minds right now, but I think one of the issues… not issues I have, misunderstandings with Law of Attraction is that you just get… the universe gives you what matches you.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? But there's no… you know, in that kind of view, the universe doesn't know who you are and know what you want and loves you, right? So this idea as soon as I made the universe or God, an Agent, who had a personality, you know, then I could understand because I think that's the big thing that this agent thing has got me is the love that my source has for me.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: You know, when I did Law of Attraction for a long time, I didn't understand that the love that my Agent had for me and the ability to connect with that loving presence all the time.
JR: I want to kind of go a little deep here, I wasn't expecting to, but I've been reading ‘Becoming Supernatural’ by Joe Dispenza, have you read it?
JP: No, but I just signed up for a week-long with him in Portland, I'm so excited.
JR: Oh, Jill, you have to tell me more, maybe I'll come with you.
JP: I’ll have to do a podcast after. I've been doing his meditations every day.
JR: Yeah, they’re good, they’re good.
JP: Morning and at night, yeah, yeah.
JR: The morning and night ones?
JP: Yes.
JR: Well, so I come from a background with faith, with a religion, and then I feel through meditation all of the Law of Attraction truth as well. So what I find fascinating is you're kind of melding the 2 finally, and I'm not quite there yet, I feel like I'm going back and forth between the 2. So…
JP: Yeah.
JR: … was that your experience, too, kind of?
JP: To be totally honest, I wasn't really raised… I think we went to a United Church, but I didn't really… it's funny, now since I've been in New York, I've been going to this church, you know, for my own interest, and I realize I didn't get any of that messaging when I was in the church growing up, right? So this idea that like, you know, “God, do what only you can do, have your way with me, like I know you know best,” like that… that kind of messaging. And for me, you know, in terms of church, I feel like it's about my… again, my personal relationship with God, not necessarily my relationship with the church, because there's a lot of things that I don't totally understand, you know?
JR: Agreed, agreed, 1000%, yeah.
JP: And I’m trying, and there's some things that I might not agree with, you know, some of the like, yeah, things that are clearly written in the Bible or if we're not loving every one, that's not something I'm going to get on board with, right? So there's certain things that I don't totally get, but I know when I go to church, I feel great.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: When I go to this church and when I sing worship songs, I feel so connected to the source, right? So recently, I've started to kind of bring in this idea of God into my already (and I feel like I'm such a visual person) into this like construct that's already inside my brain and I'm trying to figure out how it matches.
JR: Yeah.
JP: You know? They say that to that God is your advocate, you know, God is your agent.
JR: Right. It's so funny because ‘source’, to me, is vague and ethereal. And no offense to anyone who uses the word ‘source’, but then at the same time, a lot of people get upset with the word ‘God’ because it's too tangible and it's too defined and, “Who says it has to be a male?” And so I like your idea of just doing what feels good to you and meshing what feels right, you have intuition, right?
JP: And I do understand that some people would say you can't have your feet in both camps, you know?
JR: Yeah.
JP: But I think it's, for example, like I understand, if I believe that the universe only gives me what matches me and doesn't know who I am, then it's hard for me to take that belief and also believe in God, right? But, for me, I'm saying, “No, in my vision of Law of Attraction, the universe is God and knows what I want,” right?
JR: Yeah, mine too, mine too.
JP: You know what I mean?
JR: Exactly.
JP: So like, you know, I bring people to church and sometimes they get triggered and I just think like, “You have to be solid in what you do believe in to be able to…” like I just love how my brain works trying to fit everything together in a way that allows me to live in a way that… because now, I think too this I like, “Use me so I may feel the joy of being used by you,” like that's my prayer every day.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? Like, “Just allow me to feel on this mission with source or with universe that is going to help uplift and, you know, give people the words to feel better, that's my only goal,” you know? So…
JR: Yeah, that's really cool.
JP: It’s interesting. And I think there are very few people that are up on the like new age Law of Attraction and up on the religion. And like rightfully so, I have a lot more to learn on a lot of both issues.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: But it's been interesting for me to try to, yeah, meld the 2 in a way that is respectful and allows me that surrendered feeling that I think we were meant to live in, you know?
JR: Yes, I agree 1000%.
JP: But the biggest thing I would say that I've understood at church is how much God loves me…
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: … which I never fully understood before that; like that idea that you don't have to do anything.
JR: Yeah.
JP: Like, I don't think we can even understand that in human form.
JR: Right. And how did you decide that was true? I mean, you could receive it logically. But I already know, I know the answer, because you’re so intuitive, you felt it, right?
JP: And when I made ‘the Agent’, you know, then I started to kind of get to the characteristics of the Agent, and that's when I realized like, you know, “My Agent loves who I am, not what I do.”
JR: Yes.
JP: My Agent, you know, like all of that like… because sometimes, I feel like when I was big into the like sales of my own programs, I felt like I had to convince and manipulate people.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Not like in a bad way, but like I got to show what my program is and, you know, and now I think, “No.” Because I think this is the thing I realized that then I go and speak, Jen, and I don't think, “These people have to like me.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: I think, “Well, I already have God and who loves me so much.”
JR: Yes, truth. (Laughs)
JP: “These people are free to like me or not like me.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? Or, “This contract is… you know, can come to me or not because I got God who loves me so much, who’s was never going to leave me, is not going to harm me, going to make sure that I always have what I need.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? Or the universe, whatever you want to say, right, “I'm protected, I am surrounded and, you know, the universal forces are focused right on me.” The thing I'll say is there's this Abraham quote that I say often, and if you're listening, you need to memorize this. So they say, at one point, Abraham Hicks says, you know, if they could, they would look upward and outward, and best if you do it by window or outside, and they would call… you know, call it what you prefer, God, the universe, source, and they said we would say, you know, “God, I know that the universal forces are focused directly at me, right, and the idea that I acknowledge that I am the object of your positive attention. And I'm appreciating your continuous gaze on behalf of my well-being. And no matter where I go, no matter what I'm doing, no matter who I'm doing it with, I will be unconscious awareness that you too are there with me.” And then they get on a loop of saying, “Aware of me, supporting me, loving me, caring for me, protecting me, directing me, guiding me, speaking to me.”
JR: Mm, ooh, yeah. We'll put that quote in our show notes as well. That's a good one; I'll have to print that one out.
JP: And I just try to remember that on a regular basis, right? So like I'm constantly wanting to be more connected with the universe or source, but, you know, I think that that too, we're constantly waiting on other people or other things, but who's waiting on you right now, you know? Your source, your God is there being like, “I'm here, I haven't gotten anywhere,” you know?
JR: Right, right.
JP: So constantly looking for more connection and it's already here.
JR: Right.
JP: Right, this idea that I just need to find ways to connect with what's already here.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: And I need to acknowledge that it's already here.
JR: Right, right, ooh, that's so good. I love this, Jill, you are amazing! So cool.
JP: You pull it out of me, Jen, you pull it out of me.
JR: Well, what's your favorite book right now? Mean question, I know. (Laughs)
JP: I'm reading a book right now from a guy, Gary John Bishop.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: And it's called ‘Stop Doing That…” can I swear? Probably not.
JR: Sure, go ahead.
JP: ‘Stop Doing That Sh*t’ is what it's called.
JR: Oh, cool.
JP: So it's a… it's a really interesting book. The one thing I just read the other day that is just blowing my mind is he says that we are a dialogue in a body. So if you were to open your brain, we could not locate the personality, we could not find like, “Oh, and there's Jen right there.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So literally, we are what we speak about inside and outside, outwardly and inwardly. So every morning, we get up and we pick up the same conversation that we were talking about yesterday.
JR: It's true, it's true.
JP: Right? So this idea of like, “How are you telling your stories? And what do you want to be? And are you telling those stories?” because you can just decide to.
JR: Exactly, it's so true. My teenager, my 15 year old, often says, “That's just who I am, mom,” as if traits are who we are. But I agree with you, we decide them.
JP: Yeah. And I have a thing in my little workbook where I say that, “Your beliefs become your energy, your energy becomes your actions, your actions become your results, and your results feed back into your beliefs.”
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So if something's going well in your life, it's because of this circle, if something's not going well in your life, it's also because of this circle.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? And belief is just a thought that you keep thinking, that's it. And then we go through that circle enough and then we start to believe. It's like my quick example would be like, if I believe I'm not good at math, right, I keep thinking, “I'm not good at math, not good at math,” I go into math class with low energy, so my energy is low, my actions aren't great so I'm not studying well, then on a test, I don't get good results, and then I say to myself, “You see, it's true!”
JR: (Laughs) True, totally, oh that’s good.
JP: You just created that and gave it enough energy and got the evidence of it.
JR: Mm-hmm, totally, oh, that's good. Well, what is your favorite easy meal, Jill, there in New York City where you have no time to cook maybe? Or maybe you do; I know you make your smoothies.
JP: Yeah, and you know, I do make a lot right now. To be honest, I'm really crazy about canola oil, I'm like super against canola oil so I don't eat out like ever.
JR: Okay.
JP: Because even healthy places, they use canola oil.
JR: Tell me why you're against it.
JP: Well I've read this book called ‘Medical Medium’ and he was just talking about how hard it is on your body and how it's creating all this… you know, these things. I just want my body to be a clean vessel.
JR: Oh yeah, that's good. And canola oil was made in Canada, you know, right?
JP: Shh, shh, don't give us that credit, we make other good things.
JR: (Laughs) Well… well, let me just tell you a story. My husband is a plant guy, a plant scientist, the real name of canola is rapeseed, but they realized that wasn’t going to help them sell their oil so they named it canola oil for Canada plus oil; it’s so funny.
JP: Yeah.
JR: Yeah, I know, things you learn.
JP: Now I don’t feel bad for not liking it.
[Laughter]
JR: Rapeseed, you don't want to eat that!
JP: Exactly.
JR: (Laughs)
JP: My favorite easy meal I've been really loving, I'm super simple, I really love steaming vegetables. (Laughs)
JR: Uh-huh.
JP: So I’ll steamed squash or Brussels sprouts or broccoli. And, you know, I remember I told everyone about the cabbage with the nutritional yeast last time, I'm still on it. (Laughs)
JR: Really? Oh my gosh, that's great.
JP: The other thing I love too is cauliflower rice with nutritional yeast.
JR: Okay. And the nutritional yeast gives it a flavor?
JP: Yeah, and it's… it's really got great vitamin B12 as well, so I just throw it in my cauliflower rice and it… I love it. And then sometimes I'll take those steamed vegetables and the cauliflower rice and I'll wrap it in like a chard leaf; I know it sound like really pretentious right now.
[Laughter]
JR: No you don't, clean vessel, we appreciate it.
JP: Exactly.
JR: Yeah, oh, that's great. Cool, and one last final, what's your favorite life hack, Jill?
JP: Energy first.
JR: Mm-hmm. Okay, I have to ask, do you ever just feel depressed and have to have a good cry? How do you handle those moments?
JP: Oh, for sure. And like I would say probably even when I did this interview last time, I would say, “Just be a 10 all the time, you know, that's the only answer. If you're not a 10, it's your own fault,” you know? And now, I think, you know, I'll be in those moments, but I know they're going to pass and I know my Agent’s there too, you know?
JR: Yeah.
JP: So I think it's the idea that there's some learning happening even when I'm in a struggling place, you know, and I have the tools to handle whatever channel I'm on.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: But it's definitely… and I always say this too, Jen, that someone who is a 10 all the time did not create this content.
JR: That's true, because no one would get it.
JP: Right. But even like I am practicing my own stuff in those moments.
JR: Yes.
JP: Right? So if I'm having a bad day, I'm not going to try to get into it with my brain, I'm not going to go into detailed negative stuff about it, I'm going to go for a walk.
JR: Mm-hmm, totally.
JP: I'm going to do my own stuff. And I think that's what allows me to teach it so clearly is I am practicing this every day, I am in these low channels with you and I'm doing this stuff to get out of it. So I know it helps get you out of anxiety because this is what I do.
JR: Exactly, that makes sense. Well, let's have a challenge to our listeners and then we'll say goodbye, but I know it's not goodbye forever, you're coming back again someday. (Laughs)
JP: I’ll always come back, I'll always come back. A challenge for the listeners, I would say… so this is something I do with my clients day 1, right, you're going to set a BFD alarm in your phone, so at least 3 times a day, it's going to pop up on your phone and say, “BFD,” and that's going to be your reminder to check in with those 3 things.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: So it comes on and you're going to say, “Oh, what channel am I on? Well, I'm a bit of a 5. What am I doing with my body? Well, I've been sitting on the couch for hours. What am I focused on? Problems and what could go wrong. And how am I speaking to myself? Terribly,” right? So it's option to say, “Well, I'd like to be on a higher channel so I'm going to do this with my body, either posture, smiling, breathing, voice movement.” And focus-wise, I'm choosing to focus on the ideal situation of this thing I'm worried about and how it's going to feel. And then dialogue, I'm checking with my kid, in with my adult, I'm reassuring myself and I'm saying what I need to hear.
JR: Yeah, that's good.
JP: So like and literally I'm tired of excuses, right? We can make excuses… I see people with excuses and you're going to see them 10 years from now with the same problems, right? So this idea, “Well, that sounds hard,” it's like it's going to take 30 seconds 3 times a day and it has some potential to shift like your whole life.
JR: Totally.
JP: So just deciding that instead of thinking, “Well, I'll feel good when I lose this weight or when I get this job,” just deciding that you're going to get that job and lose that weight if you have energy.
JR: Yes, that's true. So energy is created from our minds essentially you're saying?
JP: Yeah…
JR: Yeah.
JP: … through what do with our body focus dialogue. I was actually speaking at a youth conference recently and they wanted me to tell them how I got to where I am, and when I look back, I have had some really unique opportunities, and I would say that it's because every time I show up for one of those opportunities, I'm on the right channel, right? So literally, I always say, if I have, you know, an hour before one of my presentations, if I have the option to go over my slides one more time or go to the gym and prepare my vessel and get energy, I'm going to choose that every time.
JR: Mm-hmm.
JP: Right? So I get people who are like, “I need a new job and I gotta network more,” I think, “No, you don't need to network more, you have to just be on the right channel and then go live your life, and you never know what opportunity is going to come to you.” That's why my morning routine is so important because I want to get outside at like I want to be a 12.
JR: Mm-hmm, yeah.
JP: Picture like the angels looking down for me in the sky saying like, “Look at that joyful girl, give her some more stuff, she doesn't even need it, give it to her.”
JR: (Laughs) Totally.
JP: Energy first always is the life.
JR: Yeah.
JP: And it doesn't need to take a lot of time. You don't have to do that 4-hour thing that I do in the mornings, like get some energy and you're going to want to.
JR: Exactly. 4 hours, sweet. Okay, and those with kids…
JP: The other thing I would say is don't do anything that feels forced.
JR: Yeah, right.
JP: If it feels forced, it's because you don't have enough energy. So just manage the energy first and then you're going to want to do the things that are good for you.
JR: Exactly. Oh, this was so good, I really, really appreciate it, Jill. Thank you so much for being here again.
JP: I love your listeners, you guys send me any messages, any questions you have, jill@jillpayne.ca, I want to help everyone as much as I can.
JR: Nice, awesome. Thanks, Jill.
JP: Thank you.