63 Transcript: You Are Not Your Beliefs (Elizabeth Rider)
Click here to download the PDF version of the transcript.
J: You're listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, episode number 63.
E: We often get so wrapped up in what people are going to think about us. It's such a disadvantage because, for one, most people are worried about their own lives and they're not going to care; they don't have enough time in their day to even judge you. You know, judgment really is a reflection; judgment’s always a mirror. So if you think other people are judging you, it's you judging yourself; I really believe that.
Intro: Welcome to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, stories of vibrant women living happy lives. And now, your host, Jen Riday.
J: Welcome back to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast. I'm Jen Riday, woman's happiness expert and mom of 6, and my mission is to help you let go of overwhelm and burnout and start living a vibrant and happy life. I provide support through my online programs, Time Mastering for Women and the Vibrant Happy Women Academy; you can learn more at jenriday.com. On our last episode, I chatted with Crystal Paine all about taking the time to rest to pour into yourself so you have something to pour into others. And I love that analogy and I love all the wisdom Crystal shared. Today, I'll be talking with Elizabeth Rider about a number of things, but one of the things that stood out to me the most was the fact that we need to allow things to come into our lives rather than pushing to make them happen; allowing things to happen with ease and flow. Also, she talked about that we are not our beliefs, that we can analyze our beliefs and recognize where they came from and then decide to keep those beliefs that actually serve us. So Elizabeth shared so many great things and you're going to love this episode so let's go ahead and dive in.
I'm talking with Elizabeth Rider today and she's a leading nutrition and whole living expert, teaching women around the world how to become the healthiest most successful people they know. In a world flooded with diet information, Elizabeth's healthy recipes and straightforward nutrition advice draw millions of inspired readers to her popular blog. Thousands have success using her online programs which include ‘Clean Up Your Diet’, ‘Purpose to Profit’, and ‘The Wellness Business Boot Camp’. As host of Elizabeth Eats on Food Matters TV, Elizabeth is delightfully changing the way the world views, healthy home cooking. She speaks on stages around the world and mentors scores of ambitious people each year to seek and live life on their own terms. As a certified holistic health coach from integrative nutrition and accomplished online entrepreneur… and an accomplished online entrepreneur, cultivating a lifestyle of freedom and health is Elizabeth's religion. She's a graduate of Cornell University's plant-based nutrition program, a TEDx speaker, and a regular contributor to The Huffington Post. Her recipes have been featured on shape.com, MSN, Mind Body Green, BuzzFeed, Greatest, and PopSugar, among others. Wow, Elizabeth, what a bio. I'm so glad you're here, welcome to the show.
E: Oh, thank you. Thank you so much for having me, this is so fun.
J: Yeah, let's go ahead and dive into your favorite quote. I imagine you have a great one; if you’re able to accomplish so much, you've got to be so inspiring and I can't wait to hear what you're going to share.
E: Oh my gosh. So I shared this with you earlier, it's so hard for me to pick one because I don't believe in absolutes, but if I currently… if I had to pick a life motto, you know, quote, it would be that, “You are not your beliefs,” which really rocked me when I first heard it, but it's been something that has really opened up my life and served me. So, “You are not your beliefs,” is… is definitely my motto these days.
J: Okay, I think I know where you're going with this, but let's make it really easy for our listeners. Could you share an example of when that rocked your world, maybe, you know, something you learned about you had believed, but then that wasn't really the reality?
E: Oh yeah, absolutely. So the biggest thing I think is, you know, being… I'm from Montana. I grew up in a… to me, it wasn't a small town because it's the biggest city in Montana with 100,000 people. (Laughs)
J: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
E: But, you know, in relation to the rest of the world, it's a pretty small town. And I just always had this belief that (you know, I don't even know where this came from, just society)… that in order to be really successful, you had to be from a big city.
J: (Laughs). Oh my.
E: Because you would know more, you’d just have more connections, you'd have more resources, you would… I mean, I just… like the people from small towns weren't successful. And, again, we have so many beliefs that they come from childhood, from society, from television, parents, from our teachers, from our friends, we pick up beliefs in life as we go. And we have this belief that we are our beliefs.
J: That's so funny.
E: Yeah, we really have to reevaluate that. And just trying to understand where I've picked up my belief systems and, you know, some are really great. For anyone listening to this, and for you, I don't know if you've seen it, but The Oatmeal, which is one of my favorite websites, the gentleman who writes The Oatmeal, there's a reason he has 4 million and some fans on Facebook. He's so funny and so accurate and so relevant. And he just wrote… he hasn’t done a comic for a long time, and he just wrote a new comic on the backfire effect…
E: … which has to do with confirmation bias. And, you know, when we believe something, we will subconsciously seek out facts to affirm our belief.
J: Mm-hmm, right.
E: And, you know, that messes with us so much and messes with our success and our belief in ourselves and so many different things. So, you know, for a long time, I think even for me, I wasn't willing to believe that we are not our beliefs; that I am not my beliefs. And when I made that turning point, it just… it was like, “Wow!” And a big thing too is that it just gives you an overwhelming sense of calm. Because when we think that we are our beliefs, that's where so much anxiety and, you know, discomfort and our just distress and our brains come from.
J: Right. And look at you. Once you, you know, overcame that problem believing that you can't be successful from a small town, here you are in a small town, massively successful and you're not from New York City. (Laughs)
E: No, definitely. And I'm even in a smaller town right now than I grew up and I'm 2 hours away in Bozeman, which is even smaller. (Laughs)
J: Oh, wow, good for you!
J: So like what do people around town think of, you know, you having this amazing business? Do they know about it?
E: Oh, that's so funny. I think yes and no; you know, for a lot of people, no. Some people who know me definitely and, you know, they ask me questions about, you know, “How did you create an online business?” and whatnot. It was funny, actually like probably 2 months ago, I was at our little natural food store. We have a… one natural food store in town, it's pretty small.
E: Called The Co-op, it's an awesome place.
E: But, you know, it's… it's like a very tiny version of Whole Foods where we have like one type of olive oil to buy. (Laughs)
J: Right, right. (Laughs)
E: You know, 3 types of (unclear) [06:35].
E: It's amazing though, like I'm so grateful for it; I love it. I… it's my main grocery store where I shop. And, you know, I'm only 2 hours from where I grew up and a woman stopped me and said, “Are you Elizabeth Rider?”
J: (Gasps) Ooh!
E: And, you know, it's one of those moments where I'm in Bozeman so I'm like, “You know, maybe she knows my parents or something,” you know it's…
E: Or maybe, you know, she knows one of my sisters from high school; so you just never know, you know, what that's going to happening. And I said, “Yes,” and she said, “Oh my gosh, I've been on your email list for years, I loved your emails.
E: I was like, “Oh, that's so nice” So it's so fun when that kind of stuff happens.
E: But I think probably in general, you know, people either don't know or don't care who I am…
E: … which I’m happy with; I like that. I don't…
J: Yeah, that's probably… that's probably nice. You wouldn't want to have celebrity status and then have to wear sunglasses.
E: Yeah, definitely. Well, take us back to your low point and share what you learned from that and then maybe we could take some of that and share some advice with others who might be struggling with something similar.
E: Yeah, definitely. I think, you know, for me, a low point was I had left my corporate job, knowing that I knew I wanted to be in business for myself and I really was not… it took me almost probably between 2 and 3 years to make any money. And during this couple of years, I was working a lot; I had so many ideas.
E: And it's not that they weren't good ideas in hindsight or that I wasn't working hard enough, I just hadn't found a way to make it click.
E: And I considered, you know, going back and going back into corporate America. I just… I just… and I didn't consider that for a long time because I knew that I really believed in… in working for myself and that I would find a way.
E: But there is that a long period of time. For some people, it's shorter, and for some people, it's longer, but where you just don't know how you're going to make it work and you kind of start to believe that it will not work, and that's where that…
E: … that motto I shared at the beginning, “You are not your beliefs,” because you kind of start to believe it's not going to work.
E: So, you know, just being really on top of… of beliefs is really important; even, you know, people talk a lot about being on top of your mindset, it's all about the mindset, I think it's a step before that it's more about the beliefs.
J: Ah! Yeah.
E: But, yeah, I definitely really struggled with, you know, how it was going to click in and how it was going to work not making any money.
J: Well, so a lot of people… and I think everyone hits that point. I think though that it's the people who go on that end up being successful, but so many people quit at that point.
J: So you… your… take us back to that point where you're not making any money and you've tried everything and you're working hard you're thinking, “Oh my gosh, I might have to go back to corporate,” how did you change your beliefs or shift your mindset or what… what happened to pull you out of there?
E: So something that I feel fortunate for is that my family is always really focused on education.
E: And I knew that I needed education and that education was going to cost a little bit of money.
E: So I knew I didn't need to go back and get a degree; that wasn't… and I think, you know, women just like… (little parenthetical note here; women really suffer from credential-itis where we think that we like…)
E: (… “I need 5 PhDs in that in order to able to talk about it)
E: And so I just… I had the feeling and I'm grateful. I knew I didn't need to go back to school. I… you know, my undergrads in mathematics and Spanish had a business minor and I… so I had like full of education. And… but I needed education on online business. And, for me, it was 5 years ago, I found Marie Forleo's B-School.
E: And just, you know, knew I need somebody to teach me how to do it.
J: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
E: And it was while I was… it was in like week 3 or something, it's an 8-week program, it just clicked for me. My business, the foundation of my business was and still is my direct sales business with USANA Health Sciences. I wasn't making any money, but I really believed in it, I just didn't know how it's going to make money. And, you know, my generation just didn't do the in home party thing so I was like, “How am I going to do this?” And I was in week 3 of B-School and I just clicked for me that I could run an online health program and integrate the products into it. And from that moment on, like my whole world opened up; I was like, “Oh!” So it's funny, it wasn't even B-School or Marie who taught me exactly how I was going to do it, but it was the education I was getting from her that shifted my brain for me to find my own way.
J: Yeah, yeah.
E: So I feel sometimes when people register for a program, they do an online program and they're expecting like a bespoke program for them that's going to work exactly for them and they don't have to work and think and they just have to like completely copy something and model it and, “Take these exact steps you're going to make million dollars,” and that doesn't exist. The education is there to open your mind to the way that it's going to work for you.
J: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
E: So you still have… it still requires that bit of your own brain and your own will… will power of how you're going to make it work. So that's me is that… that secret sauce of, you have to get the education. And there are so many great programs out there now. Find someone who you respect and who you trust and do one of their programs, but remember that you also have to infuse your thought patterns into that program to make it work for you; it's not just doing out of the box exactly what they teach you.
J: Exactly. I'm also a B-Schooler so I can speak for…
E: Oh, wonderful!
J: … for Marie Forleo as well. (Laughs)
E: And it’s great. I mean, B-School’s become, you know… it gave me so many things that I didn't expect because it really taught me how to do business online and now I'm one of her top affiliates. So…
E: … which I didn't know existed, you know? And now, I mentor a group through it every year so it was like I didn't even know that that was even… the thing that people don't realize is that what you'll create along the way, you can't even think of right now; you don't even know what it's going to be.
E: You can't make a 5 year plan because I like to model out for sure and have a direction of where I'm going. But when I was taking B-School, I didn't even know that this affiliate option existed, and now, I mentor a group through it every year. So I couldn't have even put that on paper before I did it because I didn't know what existed. (Laughs)
E: There's… the more action you take, the more you'll discover exists, I think is…
J: Yeah, yeah. The action brings the opportunity, mm-hmm.
J: Well, that's great. And you mentioned… I think you said USANA, can you tell us more about that?
E: Yeah. USANA is a drug sales company. I love USANA; I was a customer for 2 years. They manufacture high-quality nutritional supplements like your multivitamin, your fish oil, your vitamin D, all of your basics in that direction, probiotics, a healthy shake line, and then paraben free chemical preservative free skin care line.
E: I mostly focus on the supplements. I'm a huge believer that we need really high quality supplementation along with good food.
E: USANA has just had more accolades than any other company I've ever seen. Yeah, I love the company, I've been with them 9 years now and it's been a wonderful journey.
J: And you mentioned healthy food, what does a healthy diet look like for you?
E: Oh my gosh.
J: (Laughs). Sorry, put you on the spot. (Laughs)
E: Yes! (unclear) [12:56] talking about it, I love telling people. So as… when I first became a health coach… I've been a health coach for about 6 years now. When I first became a health coach or anyone who becomes a health coach goes through these phases where, you kind of try every way of eating.
J: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
E: Because depending on where you're at in your certification, you think you need to be… you know, you learn like a 100 different dietary theories and you're like, “Whoa, I need to do that one,” and, “There is the benefits of this,” and, “I should be vegan,” and, “I should be paleo,” and, “I should be all of these things.” And I think after trying everything, I've just really come full circle into, I don't label my eating habit.
E: To me, the healthiest way to eat is to really focus on whole real food and not to, you know, badger myself about taking a bite of, you know, something that my girlfriend made on Friday night at her house, you know?
E: So I just really… I really label my eating habits. I generally stay away from gluten and dairy. I feel like when I eat flour, it makes me feel really bloated and my belly look bloated.
E: And when I eat dairy, it makes my skin break out. So, in general, I just stay away from those 2 things, but I'm not hyper vigilant in the sense of it prevents me from, you know, going out and enjoying what's happening.
J: Right. Wow, that's great; I think we can all take a page from that book. So many my friends do, well, these 30-day diets and they're all in, and then they crash when they're not all in; so I like that; that's more moderate what you're doing.
E: Yeah. And I'm a big fan of doing an elimination diet every now and again, especially to understand what your sensitivities are. Like, for dairy when I was… you know, I've done like a really strict 6-week elimination where I… I was basically in charge of every single thing that went into my mouth making it myself to make sure because dairy has like a thousand different names and literally hides in everything where you don't even think it would be. There's like way, you know, is used for a thickener or something like that.
E: So I've done that and I was like, “Wow, my skin is so clear.”
E: And then I cheese it like 2 days later and have like a massive break out.
E: So I (unclear) [14:49] a few times, I know that dairy does that. And I… I consider myself to have a very small dairy allowance; like a little bit here and there is fine. If I'm, you know, at a nice restaurant with some friends and somebody orders a cheese plate and it's a high-quality cheese, a couple bites and I'm fine, but like a grilled cheese sandwich every day is going to make me break out really bad. So I think, for me, and I recommend this for everyone, you just kind of have to find what your triggers are and find the balance of how much you can have and how much you can’t have.
J: Yeah, that's smart. And so you have the small dairy allowance, but someone else might be totally fine with it. So…
E: Totally. And some people can't have any, you know, some people, like even the smallest amount will affect the. You know, same thing, you know, for me, like with gluten, I kind of put gluten in the… the category of all flour to me, so it doesn't matter rice flour or wheat flour, you know, any kind of flour kind of does… just kind of makes my tummy feel bloated, so… and I noticed when I eat that kind of stuff, I'm more hungry during the day. So I just generally don't keep bread in the house, but if I'm out at a restaurant or I'm at a friend's house and she just baked a loaf of really, you know, high-quality bread, then I'll try some of it. So I'm just…
E: I’ve reached a point where I just can't live in a teeny tiny box and use absolutes and say, “I'm never going to eat this again,” I just I… can't live like that. (Laughs)
J: Right, right. Well, speaking of food, tell us a little bit more about Elizabeth Eats.
E: Oh, I would love to; thank you. So I never ever thought I would have a TV show, and actually, when I was first approached about it, I was like, “No, I hate being on video, why would I…?”
E: So, me being on video is… it's so torturous to watch…
J: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
E: … yourself on video. And I'm sure not everybody feels that way, but for me, just… it's just torturous.
E: But I love teaching so that was enough, just I love teaching and I love sharing with people how to make healthy food. I think the biggest thing is, I just really love to eat. I love food.
J: Mm-hmm, yeah. (Laughs)
E: I love to eat. I love good food and I also love to be healthy. So I… you know, my kind of life's mission and my own personal life is to bridge that gap between really loving my food and making sure that it's serving me and not harming me. And in turn, I also love teaching, so that was just like a really natural fit. It's on FM TV for anyone who wants to watch it. FM TV's kind of like Netflix where it's streaming video on-demand. There's a 10 day free trial so you can actually watch, there’s series 1 in series 2 are both available. You can watch them all with your 10 day free trial. If you like it, you can continue on; it's like $9 a month. You can cancel or pause whenever you want just like Netflix; it's really easy to use.
J: That's so great. Do you have a clip of one of those on your website as well; I think I saw there?
E: Yeah, I do.
J: Okay, yeah. So go to elizabethrider.com and you can check it out.
J: Well, what's something you're currently struggling with? I mean, you have all the success, but bring us back to reality, Elizabeth Rider has some struggles, right? What are the…? (Laughs). What are…?
E: Oh my gosh.
J: What would something be? (Laughs)
E: Well, not eating so much cheese is one of…
E: You know, I have my struggles with food just like anybody else does.
E: You know, there's always that balance of, “Do I want immediate satisfaction from my food or do I want to make sure that over the long term, this is serving me? And it's a little bit of both because I think you can get immediate satisfaction from healthy food if you know how to prepare it and you know…
E: … you're kind of ahead of the game, but there's always that, “I can just order pizza,” or you know, that, “I'm just going to, you know, pick up something; pick up a burrito on the way home,” or something to that effect; and cheese too. Gosh, I love cheese so much, it just is so bad for me; it does not serve me so I just really struggle with it.
J: (Laughs). It's so hard. (Laughs)
E: Yeah, yes, from a food… you know, I think business-wise, when you start to be opened up to all of these different possibilities, kind of going back to what I said before, you're going to be opened up to so many possibilities that you don't… didn't even know we're options, you know, like, “Wow, people do that? That's a… that's a way to do business? I didn't even know that was there.” And I think just not saying yes to every single opportunity that comes along.
E: Being spread too thin and saying yes to too much because that takes away all of your free time, and I struggle with not playing enough.
E: And I live… I live in like God's playground. Bozeman, Montana is mecca of mountains and trails and rivers and… you know, there's never not something to do here. And I'm a big believer of being outside and being in nature and, you know, that… I know especially in cities sometimes… I have some friends who have kids, I don't know if you've ever done this, there's these jump places where people go and like…
E: … look at the houses kind of.
E: It's $10 an hour per person.
E: So my friend who has 3 kids takes her kids there, so it's $40 an hour; they go for 2 hours, it's 80 bucks…
E: … for 2 hours of play. I’m like, “What!”
E: “That's wild!” And so those places are fine and I'm sure the people who own them are great, but, you know, just like I have access to, like I said outdoor mecca here. So just really making sure that I'm outside and I'm not… and I'm connecting with, you know, the people in my life, my personal relationships, and not just working because that definitely can just overtake your life.
J: Yeah, that's true, and work-life balance is a huge topic for my listeners. So how do you divide those 2 things? How do you keep it balanced? Do you have a certain scheduling system; a certain routine?
E: Yeah. I think, you know, one of the reasons people go into business for themselves is to have freedom.
E: And then once you get that freedom, you realize that you really need to be on a schedule.
E: So it's a little bit of both. I really tried… at this point, try to keep normal business hours Monday through Friday 8:00 to 4:00.
J: Maybe 8:00 to 5:00. And I try on Fridays to be done in like 3, but one of the things about running your own business is that you start to realize, when you need support or you like you're working with your email service provider (I just changed to convertkit)…
E: … or you're working, like with my USANA team, I've got distributors all over the world, but most of them are in the US. When you're emailing back and forth or you have questions or you're working on something, everybody else is keeping normal business hours too, for the most part. So if you're working on Saturday and you need an answer to something, you're going to have to wait till Monday, for the most part.
E: So I found for myself that just really keeping standard business hours is actually quite freeing because then I have… I keep my evenings free and then I have my weekends free.
E: And look, I work for myself, so if I want to take Wednesday off, I just take Wednesday off.
E: It's not a problem. But actually, there's a lot of freedom in having a schedule.
J: That's great. And you're never tempted to just keep going since you work from… well, do you work from home or do you work out of the home?
E: I do work from home; I have an office.
J: Oh, okay.
E: I'm totally tempted, yeah.
E: And there's definitely nights where it's like 9 o'clock and, you know, it's creeping up on 10 o'clock and I'm still at my computer and I've been sitting all day.
E: And I've been working for myself for so long that I know how bad that makes me feel.
E: I'm pretty good about staying out of that habit. The first few years that I worked from home for myself were just me sitting on my couch like legs crossed, hunched over…
J: Ooh, yeah.
E: … like in the worst. And then (unclear) [21:21] it's like a couple years later, your body is so contorted and it hurts.
E: Like, “Why are my shoulders constantly…?” Like, I was having like a shooting pain going down…
J: Oh yeah.
E: … my right arm for so long from sitting that way. So just… you know, I think you kind of hit your low point of, “Okay, I sat like that for 2 years on my couch and didn't do anything else,” now, I actually have a desk in my office, it's like set up with a real office chair. (Laughs)
E: And I’ve got my computer on it like an actual office setup. And so I'm really good about not working in my living room or my kitchen, I come in here to work, yeah.
J: Oh, that's smart; that's smart. Let's talk about some of your favorite things. And first, what would be a habit that contributes to your success?
E: I think, like I said… oh my gosh, it's so hard to pick one because I don't believe in absolutes, but not quitting.
E: Knowing that, instead of quitting, you just have to find a different way.
E: And that might be a personality trait; I don’t know if that's a habit or a personality trait. But I've just kind of always… like my direct sales business is a good example. So with USANA, I remember like 8 years ago (maybe not 8 years; maybe 6 years ago) I was living in Denver and I had this great idea because a lot of doctors’ offices sell USANA and chiropractors love USANA, so I was going to go into, I think it was like 15 chiropractors offices in Denver.
E: And I had 15 color printed binders prepared, I was all dressed up in my professional clothes and I went into 15 chiropractors offices to try to talk to them about, you know, using this product. Because I've been at the USANA convention and there are so many chiropractors there.
E: Not one of them said yes to me.
J: Oh no.
E: I went into 15, I got 15 rejections in one week.
J: (Gasps) Ooh, that's tough! (Laughs)
E: Yeah. And I was definitely down about it, but I also was like, “Huh, that doesn't work, I need to try a different way.”
E: I didn't say like, “The business doesn't work,” I just said, “Oh, it's not going to work for me that way.”
E: So I think, you know, instead of saying, “It doesn't work,” you just have to find a different way.
J: So what different way were you able to find?
E: Doing online programs. I started doing online like 28-day, 21-day, I tried a bunch of different a month-long online programs integrating the… this; and I still do it. I just finished enrollment for my ‘May shake a day challenge’ where people start their day. You know, I really focus on, if you can change one habit (and Charles Duhigg proves this and the book, ‘The Power of Habit’), you can set off change in area of your life. So I focused on changing one small habit, which is having a healthy smoothie for breakfast, I do a ‘shake a day’ challenge, I just… so it's like however many years later, I'm still doing that, it still works.
J: Nice! So good.
J: Yeah, what works then, you keep it going; perfect.
E: Yeah, yeah.
J: Well, this is the funniest question to ask you, but what's your favorite easy meal, if you can narrow it down?
E: (Laughs). Probably a smoothie. I do a lot of smoothies, but that's not really… you know, a smoothie is… I would say it's a real meal, but I think people probably want, you know, something different. I love to cook; I'm always making something different so it's hard to pick one. I do a red Thai curry that's actually really easy to put together with coconut milk.
E: That's an episode of Elizabeth Eats actually, so you can watch me make that from scratch. It comes together really fast then I just eat off of it for like 3 or 4 days.
J: Oh, it’s good.
E: So that's definitely something that I make often and I love.
J: So is kind of your habit to make a big portion and then use it for several days?
J: It makes it easier.
E: Yeah. I think… you might have mentioned, you were going to ask me about like a kitchen gadget or something or my favorite…
J: Uh-huh, yeah, that's the next question, let's go there. (Laughs)
E: Yeah, it's along the lines of making one giant pot of something; a Dutch oven.
E: A cast-iron Dutch oven. Mine’s… I have a Le Creuset; like, Martha Stewart makes one, you can get him anywhere. It's called an enamel coated cast-iron Dutch oven. It’s essentially just a big heavy pot, it lasts like 100 years; it's definitely a lifetime piece.
E: But I just… I make a big pot of something like red Thai curry or soup; something in that pot. What's great is you can let it… leave it on your… turn off the stove and let it come to room temperature, so don't put it in the refrigerator hot. You just pick that… put the lid on and pick the whole pot up and put it in your refrigerator.
E: And then the next day, just take out what you want or you can even just put the pot back on the stove and heat it up. I mean, it's… it's a really versatile item, so if I had to like go live somewhere with one kitchen item, it would probably be my Dutch oven.
J: Hmm, that's amazing. So how is that different than any other pan? Just because it's so solid and…?
E: The way it heats differently, so it heats up evenly and it retains its heat longer.
J: Oh, okay.
E: And, you know, putting a stainless steel pot of food, like if you bring it to room temperature and you put that giant stainless steel pot into your refrigerator…
E: … it's not good for the… the pot and you'll get a lot of condensation on the inside of it.
E: So it just… it's more of a just a universal tool.
J: Okay, I'm going to get one; you've convinced me.
J: I've been eyeing them, especially this blue… the pretty blue one. (Laughs)
E: Yeah, they're so pretty. Well, and you can also like… you can use that, you can roast… you can put it in your oven, you can roast a whole chicken in it.
E: I mean, I make family sized to overnight oats in it; I mean, you can really make anything you wanted it.
J: Yeah! Okay, that's great. Thank you, that's a good tip. And your favorite book.
E: I love books.
E: I can’t pick a favorite one.
J: You know, I don't think I've had a guest who doesn't love books; that just occurred to me. That means I have a lot of smart guests. (Laughs)
E: Yeah, readers are leaders.
E: That’d be like me asking you, “Which one of your 6 kids is your favorite kid?”
E: You might actually have a favorite, but I don’t know.
J: Well, I won't tell who it is, no. (Laughs)
E: Yeah, exactly. As of late, I've been loving… so I can't pick a favorite book of all time, but I would say, as of late, I've been loving Tasha Silver's ‘Change Me Prayers’, it’s such a fabulous book. And I thought it was going to be kind of a heavy book just from the title, but it's… once I finally got into it, she's hilarious, she's a reverend, she's poignant, and it's broken up into… each chapter’s like 2 or 3 pages so you can just read a couple of chapters a night; like, read 6 pages a night or 5 pages a night.
E: And it's just… it's one of those books that, as I was finishing it, I was trying to kind of save it; I didn't want to finish it.
E: So, yeah, ‘Change Me Prayers’ is… you know, whether you have religion in your life or not, it's an excellent book that, I think, really, really everybody can relate to.
J: Excellent. And the best advice you've ever received.
J: I know, absolutes; they kill you.
E: You know, I think, probably from my mom, just that I can't live by caring what other people think about me.
E: You know, we… we get so wrapped up in… and I think we get over this as we create a business because you have to do so much personal development and growth to create success, but in the beginning, especially when we're even thinking about venturing into our own business or our own thing, we often get so wrapped up in what people are going to think about us. It's such a disadvantage because, for one, most people are worried about their own lives and they're not going to care. They don't have enough time in their day…
E: … to even judge you. You know, judgment really is a reflection. Judgment’s always a mirror, so if you think other people are judging you, it's you judging yourself; I really believe that.
J: Oh, that's funny.
E: Yeah. So, yeah, I really think that judgment is a mirror and it's always a reflection of our own beliefs, going back to, “We are not our beliefs.” So it's so sad to me; it's actually one of the biggest, not even sad, one of the biggest tragedies in life is people who would not take action over the fear of being judged when that judgment was actually just a mirror of how they felt about themselves.
J: Ooh, that’s big.
E: And they can change that belief; yeah, you can change those beliefs. So if anybody's wanting to know more about that, go to theoatmeal.com and read his comment or his comic on… I say it's called a comic, but it's really a story; this guy's just a brilliant artist and brilliant illustrator.
E: You know, read his comic on ‘the backfire effect’, and really understand that you are not your beliefs and that will just really open up so much for you.
J: Perfect, thank you. Well, I want to remind our listeners they can find links to everything we've talked about on show notes page at jenriday.com/63. And now, Elizabeth, share a happiness formula of 3 the 5 things that enable you to maximize your happiness; if you can.
E: (Laughs). Yeah. No, I’d love to.
J: And then we recognize that they might be different tomorrow, but today…
E: Yeah, absolutely. Freedom is huge for me, so I would say freedom plus allowing. And this is something that women struggle with so much; especially, you know, women who run businesses, we have to have a lot of masculine energy to have structure and to get things done. And sometimes when we're so into our business selves, we forget sometimes to just allow, because we're always trying to push to make things happen and we forget how to just allow and receive. So, to me, freedom plus allowing plus awareness; we talked about beliefs a lot, awareness of beliefs.
E: And then I would just say an ease; just allowing ease into my life is really when I feel the most content.
J: Well, so I have a business coach myself and she said something similar. She said, “Make sure you're in a state of ease and flow.” And I've been talking about this with some of my followers, but what does that look like in your life in business, to be in that state of ease? It's complicated to talk about.
E: Yeah! (Laughs)
J: It really is. I think I understand what I means.
E: So complicated.
J: I think I understand it, but I don't feel I can verbalize it, but maybe nobody can. (Laughs)
E: Yeah. Well, gosh, it is… it's one of those… it's kind of a feeling. And it is hard to verbalize, but I'll say this, you know, we… one of… another… we haven't even touched on this, but I'll… I’ll just throw this out there for people to do some research on. One of the biggest openings that you can make in your life and your belief systems is… is really just an understanding; and it's understanding the very delicate balance between masculine and feminine energy. And I don't just mean between men and women, all beings have masculine and feminine energy. And, like I mentioned, you know, as females who own businesses or… you know, and actually, so words like that are masculine are things like ‘structure’ and ‘linear’.
J: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
E: And ‘fix’ and ‘make happen’ and ‘quantitative’…
E: … ‘analysis’. So words that are feminine are things like ‘cyclical’, ‘cycles’, ‘flow’, ‘qualitative analysis’, ‘wisdom’.
E: So those are feminine qualities. And, you know, in order to own a business and in order to even be a mom… think about the structure and schedule that you need to be a mom. I mean, good… my goodness.
J: Very masculine (Laughs); funny enough, funny enough.
E: You know, women need a lot of masculine energy to be moms, and women who own businesses need a lot of masculine energy. And this… it has nothing to do the patriarchy, it's just that we need that type of energy in order to make stuff happen.
E: And we can get overtaken by our masculine energy. Our masculine energy is not, bad we need it; it's a good thing.
E: We need it.
E: Women need a balance of masculine and feminine energy and men need a healthy balance of feminine and masculine energy. So, for women, you know, it's just where I find that ease and flow is just having a daily check-in of remembering that true divine feminine energy. For me, like another example of a really feminine energy is water because it's very flowy.
E: So if you think about just even just taking a bath every day with, you know, some silence and being in water is a very feminine thing to do. So, you know, that's a whole different podcast topic, but it would be…
E: My teacher is Dr. Deb Kern so you guys can go to her website, drdebkern.com; and she's taught me a lot about the balance of masculine and feminine energy. But, for me, when I'm…. back to your question of where do I find ease, how do I get into that, it's not getting rid of my masculine energy, but it's just having that balance of, “When do I have the structure (that masculine) and when do I have the flow?” because we need both, yeah.
J: Wow, I love, love, love that topic. And you're right, that would be such a good podcast topic. (Laughs)
J: Moving on, let's talk about a challenge you would like to leave for our listeners and then tell us where we can find you, and I know you mentioned you have a cool freebie to share, and now I just gave you 3 instructions, but to recap…
E: Yeah, I got it. (Laughs)
J: You got it? Okay, go. (Laughs)
E: Yeah, if I miss something, let me know.
E: So you guys can find me at elizabethrider.com. I blog often, but I'm most active on Facebook and Instagram, so you guys can hit me up there.
E: On instagram, it’s @elizabeth_rider (r i d e r).
E: And then on Facebook, it’s facebook.com/elizabetheats, and my website is elizabethrider.com. There's over 300 free recipes on my blog so you guys can search the archive, there's tons of information there. And I also have a free download on my blog where it's my top 10 most popular recipes, and there's 2 included in there that are not on my blog. You guys can download that and it's in a really easily printable format.
J: Nice, that's great.
E: So a challenge that I would leave everyone with is to take some time in the next week to write down your beliefs. And I'm not even asking you to change them, I just want you to know where they came from. Did they come from school or your parents or your church or your friends or…? You know, write down your 5 biggest beliefs in life and understand where they came from, and then go read that post on The Oatmeal; just search for ‘backfire effect’ on The Oatmeal So establish your top 5 beliefs and then go read that post. And, again, it's not asking you to change your beliefs, it's just really important to understand where they came from.
J: Hmm, great advice; I'm totally going to do that. And we'll have links to everything including ‘the backfire effect’ and everything else on jenriday.com/63. Elizabeth, this has been a ton of fun for me, I hope it was for you, and thanks so much for being on the show.
E: Oh, thank you so much for having me. Yeah, it was so much fun. I… I love talking to people and I love sharing, so thank you for introducing me to your listeners.
J: Yeah, thanks for being here. Take care.
Thank you so much for joining us and be sure to head over to the show notes page at jenriday.com/63. I'm so grateful you joined us and I'll be back next week talking with Kirsten Tyrrel and she is the host of The Marvelous Moms Club podcast. She has 3 little kids and it was fun talking with her; you're going to like that one. I will see you next time, and until then, take care.
Outro: Thanks for listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast at www.jenriday.com.