J: You're listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, episode number 64.
K: I remember the time that we had $26 in our bank account and I remember thinking in that moment like, “This is a defining moment. This is the time where we can decide to… like we have our backs against the wall, we're kind of in the corner and we can decide to push forward or we can retreat and say, ‘This was a mistake we give up. We just have to find a job and go back to the way things were.’” and I'm so glad that we pushed forward in that moment and I'm so glad that we had that moment because I think without it, if things come so easily, you don't appreciate them when they finally come.
Intro: Welcome to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, stories of vibrant winning living happy lives. And now, your host, Jen Riday.
J: Hey there, I'm here and welcome back to Vibrant Happy Women. I'm offering a free online workshop this Thursday for those of you who want to improve your marriages. Now, I've talked about marriage before on the podcast and so have my guests and there are a lot of good tips and I'm going to wrap those all together into 1 tip this Thursday. Now, the time is at 12:00 PM Central and the workshop’s called ‘The one easy thing that will make any marriage better’. Now, this applies even if your marriage is awful, even if your marriage is okay, even if you think your spouse will never change, you should totally be there. So you can sign up at jenriday.com/marriage, it's free and it's going to be 30 minutes and it's a game changer. This is what changed everything for me and so many of my podcast guests. So how do you know if this is right for you; if you want to invest the 30 minutes in this? Well, you'll love this workshop if you long for the days when your spouse used to be more thoughtful and romantic and loving, you're feeling kind of empty and burnt out and depleted, meeting everyone else's needs, but you're not really getting your needs met, maybe you've tried everything to fix your marriage, but your spouse never seems to change. Here's a big one, you're probably worried that your kids are going to grow up to have crappy marriages because you're not modeling the perfect marriage for them. I know that guilt can be killer or maybe you don't have a lot of time and you just want a quick and easy marriage fix. Okay, well, if you said yes to any of those, then this workshop is for you. You don't have to go to weeks and weeks of therapy with your spouses, just one easy thing that you can do to make your marriage better. Again, you can sign up at jenriday.com/marriage.
On our last episode, I spoke with Elizabeth Rider all about analyzing your beliefs and figuring out where they come from and also never quitting, going forward and really achieving those goals, no matter whether you have to go through failure or not; failure is a part of the learning process. Today, I'll be talking with Kirsten Tyrell about a similar story of never quitting. Kirsten shares her story of having $26 in her bank account and in less than 2 years, being on track to have a 7-figure income. She's made some massive changes through mindset and just changing how they live, and she's a mom so this will inspire many of you. Let's go ahead and jump in to my interview with Kirsten.
Hey, everyone, I'm talking with Kirsten Tyrell today and she's a mom of 3 with a passion for having fun and raising her kids while building her businesses. She loves to have adventures and would rather talk to people more than anything else in the world. Kirsten lives in southern Utah. Welcome to the show, Kirsten.
K: Thank you so much, I'm so honored to be here, honestly.
J: Now, I should have added to the intro that you are the host of a podcast, tell us about that.
K: The Marvelous Mom's Club which we share, I think, a lot of listeners. So some of your people listening right now are probably familiar with my podcast because I started getting told about your podcast from my listeners and I think the same happened for you. So this little meet up was inevitable, but…
J: Exactly. (Laughs)
K: When you're in the world of podcasting, it's pretty small still so… which is really fun and really nice, but you're probably like me, you find another podcaster and you're like, “Oh my gosh, this is so exciting; somebody else that I can collaborate with and somebody who gets what I'm doing,” just like we talked about before, having good audio software is so gratifying. (Laughs)
J: Right. Well, when I called Kirsten up for the interview, I thought, “She sounds amazing,” I didn't even have to help her tweak her audio. So…
K: Oh, thank goodness.
J: Well, we always start off the show with a quote, so what quote would you like to share with us today?
K: So rather than kind of a traditional quote that you'd find anywhere, it's kind of my motto for this year, and my word of the year is ‘push’. And so something that I really loved sharing is that, “We were not put on this earth to stand still.” Something that I've really had to understand that, “If we're not moving forward, we’re… we have to be moving backward because life keeps moving and it's impossible to stay where you are. If you're not moving forward, you're definitely moving backwards.” So that's kind of what I like to pattern my life after and pushing myself forward and constantly not allowing myself to fall into that like mediocre ‘just letting life kind of pass me by’ situation. So that's… that's kind of my life motto right now.
J: Ooh, that's a good one. And it almost makes me anxious because you have 3 kids. How do you push…
J: … when you have 3 kids tagging along with you?
K: Oh, it's a balancing act and I think balance is one of the most trivial things that I've ever talked about on my podcast because there's kind of this camp of people who think it's totally possible and then there's another who thinks it's impossible, and I love the idea of like finding a rhythm. And right now where I'm at with our business and with our personal life and having those 3 crazy busy children is that I had to be okay with outsourcing what I can, I don't do everything; I tried to do everything for a while and now I just can't, and I'm so much happier because I don't try and do it all. My sister watches my youngest a few days a week and then my older 2 kids are in preschool and school. So I really try and have like the workday end at 3 o'clock so I have a little while to detox from work and then I spend time with my kids. And I really… part of that pushing is really pushing them. Like, I don't want them to be lazy or unproductive or unhappy people when they grow up, and so I don't allow them to be lazy children, which is much easier said than done (Laughs). It's a daily struggle to do all the things that moms want their kids to do; keep their rooms clean. But our kids are starting to be really excited and invested in our businesses that we're doing and we're kind of helping them find their own little thing that they can do to stay involved. And it's just kind of a passion thing for the entire family so…
K: I don’t know. Sometimes I'm really tired and I don't push very hard, but at least I'm trying and I'm kind of moving forward a step every day.
J: Yeah, I like that philosophy, “Just a step every day. Baby steps is still forward, it doesn't have to be…”
J: “… massively fast, but it’s forward.”
J: Well, take us to a low point in your life and how you were able to shift out of that place and keep moving forward.
K: Oh, should I only pick one? (Laughs)
J: Yeah, yeah.
K: Just kidding.
K: There were so many series of little low moments that led to, I think, the ultimate low. And, for us, that… the reason that we kind of hit that low is that my husband and I have been married for 9 years, and for most of that 9 years, we've been either unemployed or we went back to school kind of as like a back-up plan because we couldn't get jobs. And so we've always, most of our marriage, been very poor and had just kind of not a lot of hope for the future when it came to… to progressing and making more money and being able to just be like at a normal rate of income that most people are at. And so, for us, it was my husband was in a job that he hated, but he had taken it so that we would at least not be unemployed. And I was pretty happy; like, we lived by Disneyland, the happiest place on earth.
K: And had a lot of fun with my kids. It wasn't that I was depressed or miserable, but I was discouraged in knowing that like we weren't going to be able to progress and move forward. And there were so many adventures that I wanted to have with my kids beyond Disneyland, you know; seeing the world and just being able to experience life to its fullest. And so that low was really like realizing that we were no longer in a position where we could keep waiting for like the universe to deliver these like blessings to us or, “My husband was not going to ever just magically become happy in his job, we’re going to have to take control over our own destiny.” And that's kind of a tough pill to swallow and also an exciting one because you realize, one, you can take control of your life and you can take control of your future. It's very empowering and it's very exciting, even though it's terrifying because, if you fail when you're like running your own business, it's not just, “Oh, I had a bad day at work,” it's, “Oh my gosh, we made no money this month.” So that did kind of funnel into some other lows throughout the next year as we started to do things totally different of having months where we had no money in our bank account and no idea how we were going to provide for these 3 kids and if we had made a huge mistake in jumping out of the normal world of the 9 to 5 grind into owning our own business. So that was probably the low, just that uncomfortable super unsettling feeling of not knowing how you're going to get to tomorrow, let alone next year and having no idea how you're going to keep putting one foot in front of the other. But it eventually has, you know, it's progressed, we're at a much better place now that still the many lows, but that was, I think's been our biggest challenge as a married couple and as a family is not having that financial stability.
J: So tell us, you know, maybe the brief version of your story what you did to start having that income and how you faced that fear of failure and went through it.
K: I think I read some really good books. I mean, you… that's really where it started was going from reading fictional books and watching a lot of TV, making a huge shift in our daily habits, it's what you said, you know, those baby steps are still steps forward. We made some big steps. We really shut down like the life that we had as we knew it and stopped being lazy and started getting up really early in the morning. Some of the motivational books that I read talked about like the things that we needed to do and how fear isn't real, it's just a state of mind. And I really started looking at things as like, “What's the worst thing that could possibly happen?” Well, failure is when you stop trying. You know, so there's really no way that we're going to fail because I know that between the 2 of us, we're going to keep motivating each other to have success. So we kind of had to put fear in its own little box and see it and know that it was there, but not allow it to control every little step that we made. And I think because of that going forward, every step that we did make was pretty fearless and we didn't consider like the worst-case scenario or if we did, we knew that it wasn't going to be the end of our lives.
So we just started learning everything that we could about online business. We learned about the world of e-commerce. We started selling things on Amazon. We started using online education as an income stream, teaching other people how to sell on Amazon. I had Marvelous Mom's Club, which wasn't generating income, but was building my network and really building my reach in my ability to kind of grow this… this audience and to be able to connect with other women. And I learned from all of those, all of my guests that came on who ran businesses or just ran households; I learned and I absorbed everything that I could like a sponge. And it was… it felt slow, but we had a goal to become millionaires in one year with no prior experience, which is so funny now, but I'm so grateful that I had that extraordinary goal because it pushed me so hard and it made me learn things as quickly as I could instead of like setting a 5-year plan, I set a 1-year plan and I'm at least going to do that in 2 years versus, you know, if you set things in 5, it might take you 10. So we just kind of learned everything a much quicker rate than I think most people learn and we absorbed it and we applied it and we just kept learning through trial and error to wear now, like I never imagined we would be doing what we're doing as far as business goes, but it’s the coolest thing ever because now all of those little dreams that we set for ourselves are starting to come true and fall into place because of those hard days. And I remember the time that we had $26 in her bank account and I remember thinking in that moment like, “This is a defining moment. This is the time where we can decide to… like we have our backs against the wall, we're kind of in the corner and we can decide to push forward or we can retreat and say, ‘This was a mistake, we give up. We just have to find a job and go back to the way things were,’” and I'm so glad that we pushed forward in that moment. And I'm so glad that we had that moment because I think without it, if things come so easily, you don't appreciate them when they finally come.
J: Right. And I love how you said your backs were against the wall and you had a choice. I found that to be true in my life and so many other people's lives as well; it's when you're hurting that you push so hard. And I love that your word of the year is ‘push’ because, yeah, you totally did that. Well, so your journey really began with learning and studying self-help books.
J: And I guess a question everyone likes to ask and I love to ask is, tell us about your morning routine, what does that look like with a business and 3 kids?
K: I would love to say that it's consistently really, really good and that I'm on top of it and then I get up super early. But something… I had to adapt that. My morning routine used to be getting up at like 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning, just so that I could be up before my kids. I quickly learned that it didn't matter how early I got up, my kids have radar and they know when I'm awake and so they will start getting up earlier.
J: (Laughs) Ah.
K: So that didn't work, but I do try and get out of bed soon after they're awake and I try and like… I really try to conquer the day before I let it start to conquer me. I love spending that morning time with my kids, they're a little bit crazy and hyper, we get breakfast done. As they're getting breakfast done we… you know, we have some family time there. They get ready for school and I like to be ready early. Like, I always… I feel like I kind of grew up always being tardy… (Laughs)
J: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
K: … late for things, but my dad was always very, very passionate about being on time. And now I see the power of getting them places early and not having that frazzled energy because that frazzled energy carries through for the rest of the day. So I just… I don't know, I try to be like 10, 20 minutes ahead of everything that we need to be doing so that we can get along and we're treating each other kindly and there's no rushing and no yelling.
J: Mm, nice.
K: It's not always perfect, but it definitely helps; it sets the tone for the day. I don't want them going to school feeling rushed and feeling stressed out so I try and kind of keep that like… you know, if we're ready to go an hour early, there's nothing wrong with that; they have time to go clean their room and do their chores…
K: … so they don't have to do it after school.
J: Yeah, that's a great idea.
J: Okay, so how old are your kids?
K: They're 7, 5, and 3.
J: Ooh, yeah, you're busy.
J: I was thinking, “Oh, well, I love that idea, but teenagers won't get up until the last minute, no matter what you do.” (Laughs)
K: Yeah. I don't know, mine are going to be interesting teenagers because my kids are early, early risers. It's my whole life as a mom, I've tried to get them to sleep in, and so it will be really comical if by the time they're teenagers, they finally sleep in, but…
K: … I'm kind of hoping that they stay early risers forever and I'm trying not to ruin that in them because it is a good trait to… to possess.
J: Right, right. Well, so you hit that low point, you had your back against the wall…
J: … you've pushed out of it, what would be 3 lessons you feel you've learned along the way?
K: Oh, only 3. I would say, first of all, you can't control everything. I just barely did like a team coaching call for my business and I talked about expectations versus affirmations; kind of like how I set that million dollar goal last year and it was great to put that out into the universe, but I really had to manage the expectation of what I was capable of doing, coming from absolutely no online education, no online business experience. So I've really learned that like you can't control all the factors and you have to manage expectations, but you also have to keep striving to do things much greater than you think you could possibly do; and it's finding kind of that balance between the 2.
K: I learned that you can't do it all. I was trying to homeschool my kids and run businesses from home and, you know, maintain a household. Like, we moved out of a small apartment into a big house here in southern Utah, not giant, but bigger than a 2-bedroom apartment. And I thought, “For sure, I'll be able to keep the house clean and keep healthy meals and be on like a really restrictive diet,” and I quickly learned that that was not making me happy at all and that everything has a season; which I've been told a million times, we all get told that. And my season right now is not to have a spotless house, and if I'm going to have a spotless house, it's because I'm paying somebody to clean it; just that I had to let go of some things in order to have really true success and happiness, I can't be in control of all the factors.
K: And then third, I think it's just a little bit of patience and knowing that, as much as I want stuff to happen… and I think these all kind of interconnect, but as passionate as I am about making my dreams come true and about having a wonderful adventurous life, I have to be patient with the ride and enjoy the ride as I'm on it instead of constantly looking forward to the outcome. Because sometimes, you know, even raising a family, the outcome doesn't happen for years and years and years. You don't raise these like wonderful children in a matter of 5 years, it takes 20, sometimes 30 years for you to see the fruits of your labor. And so just trying to find a little bit of patience mixed in with the passion has been another huge lesson I've learned.
J: Nice. Well, so what advice would you give to others who might be listening who are struggling with income and… and wanting to have that life of adventure and everything you've talked about?
K: I think this is kind of what really makes me tick and what I get so excited about is knowing that what we're doing and what we've built for ourselves is possible for anybody because of the internet and because of the way that we're so connected on social media. If there's something that you've always wanted to do, I love that we can have a passion and actually get paid for it or that we can find a way to bring income into our family so that we have the freedom to do the things we're passionate about. And what I try to tell people is, “There's no one right or wrong way to do it, but there's definitely some kind of avenue where you can find a way to make money online.” And if you're not trying to do something… like, if you're okay with your 9 to 5 grind, that's fine, but if you think that it's impossible for you because of situation A, B or C or that you don't… you weren't born into the right family or you don't have the right circumstance, you're completely, 100% wrong because we started with nothing, absolutely nothing, and grew it into something huge. So I think what I would tell people is, “Just start writing down like what your skills are and what you're passionate about and see what avenues you can take to start monetizing that and making money from that; whether it's starting a podcast or a blog or learning about e-commerce or doing some online teaching. If you've been spending the last decade of your life learning a skill and it's something you could teach to others that would benefit their lives, teach it. There's so many… the sky's the limit. There's so many ways to monetize your life and the skills that you've already been given.”
J: Right. Well, yeah, and like you said, you started with learning and you put fear in the box so it didn't have as much control and you just kept learning.
J: And I love how you said that there is no real failure, you know, you said the… “What's the worst that could possibly happen? Failure’s when you stop trying; it's just trying.”
K: Yeah, yep.
J: Awesome. Well, share one thing that's exciting you today in your life or how you're living a vibrant and happy life today.
K: Oh my gosh, I'm excited because, for all of those years of dreaming and wanting this life, it's finally happening, and there's been that moment, many moments, where I'm like, “This is what it feels like. This is what it feels like for your dreams to really come true; and not just the little ones, but the big ones.” So right now I'm just excited, we're starting kind of that lifestyle of traveling with our kids. We're going to spend the summer in Hawaii and we're going on a Disney cruise for Christmas, and so I'm excited about those things. I'm excited about the memories that we have ahead of us that we get to make with our family. I'm excited that all the hard work is paying off and we're getting to a point where we can kind of take a little break from that and really invest in some good family quality time. Because they've definitely had to sacrifice a little bit not having those Disneyland adventures anymore now that we don't live in California, and I really feel that hunger to spend that time with my kids.
J: Perfect. That's the dream, right?
J: The payoff that’s come.
J: And what's the current struggle; something you still struggle with? I mean, we all struggle the whole way through so…
K: Mm-hmm. I love the struggle though, I was talking to somebody today about that and how like there's, you know, this… I can't remember the author, but talks about this inverted you and when you start making more money, you don't have the struggle anymore and so you kind of don't have the gratification that you had when you did struggle.
K: So I'm grateful for struggles; I’m glad they still come and they come in different ways. My struggles might not be financial anymore, but they're definitely in kind of knowing myself and trying to achieve that balance that I've kind of, for a while, thought was impossible. I struggle right now with having some self-control over how much time I'm going to spend working. I have grown this amazing business, I'm in an MLM right now and I have a gigantic team of women who rely upon me. And I think my thing right now is just setting boundaries because I love people so much and I want people to succeed; kind of how I told you it makes me tick. I love teaching people how they can be successful and how they can make money and have freedom. And I have to know that I can't actually like make that happen for everybody. And so my struggle right now, I think, is on my time and on cutting back a little bit and allowing myself to be calm and to have quiet and to just do things that might not be making money. (Laughs)
K: It became a little bit of like…
J: An obsession. (Laughs)
K: Yes, yes. (Laughs)
J: And let's talk about a few of your favorite things. I love hearing, you know, things that people like, like books and so on. So let's start with a favorite habit that has contributed to your success.
K: I wouldn't say necessarily that I meditate, but I love having like my 10 minutes of quiet time or my 15 minutes of quiet time where I'm shut off from everything. Whether that’s taking a bubble bath or just like laying in bed and having my quiet time. I know that's a strange habit to have, but I guess it goes along with my struggle if I don't let myself do that enough. And so it's my favorite thing that reels me in and helps me to stay centered and focused and to have the energy that I need to continue to be that crazy person that's doing too many things. Another habit I guess too is like that waking up maybe earlier than I would like to and conquering the day; it really does make such a difference and it makes so many more things possible. So I really do love that habit, even if I don't stick to it every single day. (Laughs)
J: And your favorite easy meal.
K: Oh my gosh. Honestly, this is so weird because my kids don't eat it, but I love to make curry. They have a curry sauce at Trader Joe's and so we just grill up some chicken and some… some vegetables and throw the curry sauce on it and put some rice in the rice cooker and it's like the fastest, easiest dinner.
J: Yes. So I need to get that; I didn't even know Trader Joe's had that.
J: Okay, so it's just Trader Joe's brand curry sauce?
K: Yellow curry.
J: Okay. And your favorite kitchen gadget.
K: Oh, my KitchenAid of course (Laughs). That thing can do anything; I love my KitchenAid. This would be the best question for my mom; she has every kitchen doodad known to mankind. But, for me, probably the KitchenAid because my favorite thing is, once a week, making homemade chocolate-chip cookies; and that's what I make them in.
J: Do you have a recipe that you might want to share with us?
K: Honestly, yes, and it's not even like spectacular, it's the one on the back of the Toll House…
K: … chocolate-chip bag.
J: Okay, well that’s easy.
K: But I add… I add a little more vanilla and I don't melt the butter too much and I add a little extra flour and I cook them on convection, convection bake in the oven, and they just turn out perfectly crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. And I don't know, my mom's like, “I don't know how you do it, it's just a standard recipe,” but those are kind of the little things I change.
J: Okay, a little extra vanilla… little extra vanilla, a little extra flour and convection bake.
J: Okay, your favorite book.
K: Ooh, that one's hard, but not hard at the same time because I have a huge slew of them on my Audible. But I think the one I talk about the most is ‘Outwitting the Devil’ by Napoleon Hill. Have you read that book?
J: I haven't. I have…
K: Oh my gosh.
J: … ‘Think and Grow Rich’ by Napoleon Hill though.
K: Yes, same author, very similar concepts, but it was the first book that I read when we started on our crazy journey of being entrepreneurs and it's the one that stuck with me the most. And it was written in the 30s by Napoleon Hill and it wasn't published until 2011 because him and his wife were so afraid to put that out into the hands of people who would totally judge them and evaluate them for what the content was. And it's not any bad content, it's just… it's probably the closest thing I could ever imagine an actual conversation with the devil sounding like.
J: Oh. (Laughs)
K: And not in an evil way, just like it makes you realize that, if you're not kind of listening to the good higher, power you're listening to the bad one and how much… he talks about being a drifter and how 98% of people drift through life and don't achieve their purpose. And it really, I think, was the foundation of why we've been so intensely following our dreams is, I don't want to be in the 98%, I want to be in the 2% of people who live a full and happy life and I feel successful at the end of my life. So it's a good one.
J: Okay, we'll check that out; ‘Outwitting the Devil’.
J: Okay, and the best advice you've ever received.
K: “There's a million ways to make a million dollars, and if you try to do them all, you won't make any money. (Laughs)
J: Okay, say that again, “There's a million ways to make a million dollars, and if you…”
K: “.. try to do them all, you won't make any money.”
J: (Laughs). That's funny.
J: But you're sure… you're not doing them all, but you're doing a lot of things. So…
K: Yes. And there… there's a happy medium in there where I kind of denied that advice and I was like, “No, no, no, I need to do like 7 things because then one of them's going to take off.” And it is true, like all of those experiences that I gained from running multiple businesses helped me to really hone down on the one good one, but it is true. Like, my friend shared an analogy of shopping carts and you can make it your target with one, maybe with 2; if you try and add 3 or 4 shopping carts, it's going to take you forever to get out of Target.
K: But, you know, like it's still possible. And we've learned this firsthand the other day. We had 3 shopping carts between us and we're like, “This is our analogy coming to kick us back in the butt.”
K: Because it is so hard. So, yeah, the more you do, the slower your return on investment is going to be, but it's still valuable to take the time to learn multiple skills.
J: Right, right. Well, thank you, those are great. And I'll remind our listeners they can find links to everything you talked about, including the books and everything else on our show notes page at jenriday.com/64. And now, Kirsten, let's hear your happiness formula.
K: Okay, I like this and I didn't even try to make it rhyme or anything, but I really do love it.
K: “I am a happiest when I pray, sleep, and play,” and I think those are just the things that I really, not struggle with, but a little of them I need to work harder on; even including the sleep. Like, I know that I'm a happier person, I'm a better mother to my kids when I sleep and take the time to kind of like recharge. And pray, obviously is something that I'm very passionate about prayer. And I know that I believe in a God who wants me to be happy, but it's something that sometimes we struggle with and we try to become independent and we want to do our own thing. So… but when I do pray and when I do sleep and when I play with my children and I play in my life and I find happiness and I do fun things along the way, I really truly find that I'm the most happy.
J: Nice, perfect. And a challenge for our listeners.
K: Oh goodness, just keep putting one front in front of the other, realize that every single step you make in the right direction is kind of a pay it forward for your future self. If you're willing to do things and push yourself out of your comfort zone every day, the result is so much more than you can even calculate right now. So just get out of your comfort zone, do something good for other people and do something good for yourself and the results are going to be more than you can even comprehend.
J: Awesome. Kirsten, this has been amazing, I love your energy. And where can people find you if they want to know more about you?
J: Okay, thank you so much for being on the show, Kirsten.
K: Thank you, Jen, it's been so fun.
J: Thank you so much for joining us today, and I will be back next week talking with Tammy Cannon, all about balancing motherhood with your need to grow, learn, create, and pursue your passions; that's a big one, right? When you're giving everything to your kids, you never really seem to find time for the things you used to enjoy and you can get really empty and burned-out. So Tammy talks about this, it's a great episode. And don't forget to sign up for the workshop on Thursday, ‘The one easy thing that will make any mayor better’; and hint, it's not what you'd expect. That's at 12 PM Central and you can sign up at jenriday.com/marriage. I will see you next week, and until then, take care.
Outro: Thanks for listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast at www.jenriday.com.