Marriage Makeover – Day 8

Rekindling Romance Through Mindful Physical Intimacy

I was once at a bookclub and one woman said, “Sex is a chore. Nothing more.”

I felt sad for her because physical intimacy has always been a strong point in our marriage, a connective, healing moment in which I tend to let go of grudges and feel more “in love” with my spouse than at other times (hey, we have oxytocin for a reason! Use it!)

If you view sex as a chore, you’re probably a “get-it-over/let’s-make-this-quick” type of gal.

But I want to challenge you to change it up and learn the art of mindful, slow sex.

Food for thought: Would you rather eat at a fast food place 3 times a week and feel grumpy, tired and drained afterwards, or eat at the restaurant of a 3-Micheline-star chef for 10 hours a week and feel rejuvenated, recharged and completely satisfied? If you like the sound of the second option, then you’ll love the art of mindful and slow physical intimacy.

Think your spouse doesn’t have time or interest? You’d be surprised. Talk about it and try it out.

Already blushing due to embarrassment? Take a deep breath and press on. This is such an important and healing part of marriage.

What does it look like to practice mindful, slow sex? It’s being deeply aware of and appreciative of every tiny detail of your experience of being with your spouse. What are you thinking? Feeling? Seeing? Hearing? Smelling? Tasting? Touching? … the color of each speck in your spouses eyes, the way slow touch feels on your skin… the curve your partner’s ear…. The goal is to slow everything down so much that you miss NOTHING.

You might even begin your evening with a slow and mindful dinner, followed by a mindful conversation where you stare into your partner’s eyes. Practicing mindful, slow sex will result in more orgasms (number), more powerful orgasms for both of you, greater connection, fewer fights outside of your bedroom, decreased stress, and greater overall life and marital satisfaction.

Check out the Mindfulness Mini Course to learn more about mindfulness in greater detail. And if you want complete guidance on this topic, check out the books Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm by Nicole Daedone and Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski.

Your challenge: 1) Spend 3 minutes looking into your spouse’s eyes… this causes a release of the “love at first sight” hormone, oxytocin. 2) Practice mindfulness the next time you enjoy physical intimacy with your partner. Notice what you’re seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching. Notice your thoughts, feelings and sensations. But take it beyond “noticing” and truly SAVOR every little detail in a extremely slow, heightened sensory experience. Enjoy the oxytocin-flooded amazingness and connection!


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