153 Transcript: Choosing Happiness (with Jane Gable)
Click here to download the PDF version of the transcript.
Jen: You're listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, episode number 153. We have a surprise guest today and a live audience of vibrant and happy women; stay tuned.
Intro: Intro: Hi, I am Dr. Jen Riday, former burned-out mom of 6 turned happiness whisperer, and I am here to help you get off that hamster wheel and make time for yourself without the guilt so you can live a balanced, calm, heart-centered life. With over 2.5 million downloads, this is the Vibrant Happy Women podcast.
Jen: Hey, everyone, welcome back to Vibrant Happy Women, I'm Jen Riday and we have a very special episode today. A couple of weeks ago, I hosted the Vibrant Happy Women retreat in Port St. Lucie, Florida at the all-inclusive Club Med Sandpiper Bay Resort and we had a blast. There is just the most beautiful amazing energy of those women who attended and we nurtured each other, loved each other, laughed with each other, definitely cried a bit with each other, and had an all-around amazing weekend.
Well, while we were at the resort, there was this beautiful, well-dressed older woman walking around and we could tell she had spunk. She has gorgeous white hair and she pulls it back in a bun, elegant beautiful clothing, gorgeous jewelry, she loves to be beautiful and we love how active she is as well. So, many of us noticed her, some of us started to speak to her. So we quickly learned her name was Jane and she comes to the resort every winter and she is staying 3 months this year. And we laughed when she said, “Well, it's cheaper than a home, right?” (Laughs) so we knew we had to interview her. So as a surprise to those who attended the retreat, I did a live interview with Jane as part of one of our retreat sessions, and you get to hear that exact interview on this episode.
So her name is Jane Gable and she is from outside Washington DC, and several years ago, she hit a low point when her husband (who she refers to as ‘the orthopedic surgeon’) left her. It was devastating because she had wrapped up her entire identity in being a wife and mother. Well, Jane is so spunky and funny and a bit sassy and she shares that. That personality comes through in this interview as she talks about how she chose to be happy anyway.
Alright Everyone, I’m here with my guest, Jane. Jane, tell us your last name.
Jane: Gable, like Clarke.
Jane: No relation.
Jen: (Laughs) Jane Gable, and we’re here at the beautiful Club Med Sandpiper Bay Resort in Port St. Lucie, Florida, and we're here at the Vibrant Happy Women retreat.
Jen: Jane we've noticed walking around the resort and she is everything we all aspire to be as we get older. She dresses beautifully, she's active and she has beautiful quick hair and we've all said, “Wow, goals, #goals.”
Jen: So, Jane, we want to ask you just a little about your life. Where are you from and tell us more about your story.
Jane: I was born in Chicago and I met my husband in college and in Indiana. And he went to medical school and then he got drafted, and then we had a family and he started practice in small town in Virginia. And after 30 years, he decided to get a girlfriend. So I think the divorce was the hardest thing in my life because I was… I was a little old to recreate myself. So I looked at it like, “Well, he always said I dress like an ass,” so…
Jane: I decided to kick it up a notch. He thought was bad, watch it. And the other thing is I'm a huge bargain shopper. If I can't go to Marshalls one of those places very often, I get a little pissed.
Jane: So it's the idea of… like do you remember when Kmart had… or, no, Walmart… i don’t know, one of them had Lily things just for like an hour and a half one day, and everybody mowed over each other and it was terrible? Well, one… this one got returned and it was a size 16. So I spent so much money having it brought down to my size, I thought, “You should go to a Lily store, you ass.”
Jane: But it was the victory, you know, it was like that's the kind of shit that I just love.
Jane: Saving money is like… but what happened was when the orthopedic surgeon decided to get this girlfriend, I picked the very best lady lawyer in Alexandria Virginia. And I'm not really a bitch…
Jane: Ohh god, that was so good.
Jane: Oh my gosh. Well, so my recreation kind of came about because my kids were very supportive and I got to live in the old big house and all that and I just thought, “I can't let my golden years be dragged down by this.” So I started trying to think positive about everything and it was a giant pain for a long time, but now it's kind of how I wake up in the morning because I'm a survivor and I'm happy again. I mean, it doesn't take a man to make you happy, it's your surroundings and especially your children that, to me, has been the great support. I'm no philosopher, I mean, I'm just trying to plow through each day, but luckily, I'm happy, I like doing what I'm doing.
Jane: Also, my mother lived till 101, so I feel important that, aside from smoking, I need to take better care of myself because what if I live till 101? That would be something.
Jane: It’s only 21 years, yeah, I might, I might.
Jen: So, Jane, when did you start coming to the resort and how do your kids feel about it?
Jane: Oh, well, at first, they thought, you know, I'd be dancing and taking off my clothes and stuff but…
Jane: … the thing is, because I loved it, my kids went with us, we've been here and some other ones. So they know that it's sort of like putting me in a home, but not.
Jane: You know, they're like, “Well, she's not driving, she's not walking much, she should be okay there,” so I'm… “This is fine, go, go.”
Jane: I used to always go to Mexico for winter, but when I broke my hip, that's when the… sorry, the 2 of them said, “You got stay in America near American doctors.” So when I broke my hip, I was in Michigan and I was in the hospital for weeks. So I'm not sure every place in Michigan… I mean, in the US is the place to get your hip fixed but…
Jane: … that's alright, that’s alright.
Jen: So looking back so far, because you have many, many years left, we're gonna hit 100, so what advice would you have for all of us here learning to recreate ourselves and find our happiness?
Jane: I found the greatest joy in my life in my children. My husband was a disappointment, but what it boils down to now is that I'm the one that's in charge of me. I can be happy, I can be sad, but I have to have the right attitude. And to be very depressed at the beginning was hard and so unlike me that that got me down even more. So I don't know how you pull it out, but I found it and I decided to dress up more because it made me feel good. It doesn’t for all people but it just makes me happy.
Jen: Awesome. And, Jane, what are your favorite things to do for fun?
Jane: Let's see, I like to smoke and I like…
Jane: I like white wine a lot. I really love most spending time with my grandchildren, that’s my best… that’s my best time.
Jen: And do you still cook? Because on my podcast, I like to ask about your favorite kitchen gadget.
Jane: Oh, that would be the disposal where I put the food…
Jane: … that I can’t eat that I made because it was bad. Now, I…
Jane: I have this plan now, I eat usually 1 meal a day out and they eat half of it and bring it back. So I'm not going to have starvation or nutrition problems, but the grocery, I bring home all this crap and then the raspberries are purple and fuzzy and the… I mean, I don't know how to cook for myself.
Jen: Alright, and your favorite book.
Jane: My favorite book is probably ‘Gone with the Wind’.
Jen: Mm. And the happiest moment of your life.
Jane: I think it was when my children and grandchildren were born.
Jane: You know, the repetition of life.
Jane: It was… it was so thrilling.
Jen: Yeah, awesome, I want to open it up to the room for a few questions. Who has a question for Jane?
Jane: Okay, come on up, Courtney.
Courtney: So just briefly up when I introduced myself to Jane, I told her kind of she wasn't walking into a cult here, she was walking into this… this place where we're all women connecting and we kind of talked about the importance of female friendships and how its carried you the connection of women and how, you know, we're all very different ages but we're still connected. So I thought maybe you could share about that, especially after your husband decided to move in a different direction than you, how did that carry you through?
Jane: Yeah, that's a good point because it took a while. I I lost sort of internalizing everything, but then I found out the other doctors’ wives in my town, one’s a widow and another divorcee, we connected immediately and just gave each other strength, that helped a lot. And we didn't discuss it, I don't mean it was like over and over, it was just the comfort in being together.
Jen: Awesome. Who else has a question?
Mercedes: Sure. Hi, Jane.
Mercedes: I’m Mercedes.
Mercedes: I just want to know, what… what advice would you give your younger self? Like, if you were to go back to when you were a young woman, before you got married, what is the advice you would give?
Jane: I think I would advise myself to not be so attached to my husband. I was married in 1965 so that was… you know, I was just doing the role model that my mom had done. And I should worked, I should have been more be independent, not when the kids were little, but I think that was the mistake I made.
Tommy: Hi, Jane, I'm the Tommy Bingley, and you exude to me (and I believe a lot of other women) a lot of grace and beauty and courage. How would you define courage?
Jane: I think courage, for me, would be rising above the crap that happens and looking for all the good things and embracing the… like my children are a wonderful part of my life, now my grandchildren, family is is very important to me but some are my female friends; very much so.
Amanda: Hi, I'm Amanda Rhodes.
Amanda: You just seem so vibrant to me and full of life, what aspirations do you still have for yourself going forward?
Jane: A need to be stronger than I am physically, but mentally, I feel comfortable in my skin now. When I was first divorced, I… I mean, it was terrible, but I got it back. And I don't know where it came from, but I think it was time more than anything and the huge support I got from friends and family, and I think that's the key to it. I feel very blessed, I really do; and I like tequila, but…
Jane: And I hope the girlfriend gets a terrible rash.
Question: On that note that you just said, are you seeing anybody or have you dated anybody?
Jane: No, I've never had a date, I've never been asked out. And I don't know, I don't smell…
Jane: I brush my teeth, I wash, I don't know, but it's okay. I think what it is maybe is that I've pulled this ‘I’m fine’ overconfident shit so far that they're like, “Whoo, she must be something.”
Comment: (unclear) [13:58]
Jane: Thank you, I do…
Jane: I think in trying to be so strong, I maybe give off the wrong coat, but it doesn't matter because I have to be this way for myself. So… hi.
Colleen: Hi, Jane, I met you earlier.
Colleen: Thank you for coming, I'm Colleen. What advice would you have for us young mothers in parenting or young children, especially seeing the generations change over the years and raising your own children and seeing what your grandchildren are doing? I don't know their ages, but just parenting advice.
Jane: Yeah, they're 2 in college and 2 still in high school. I… I'm so old-fashioned, I really love staying home with my kids, and I know that's unrealistic in today's world. My husband was an orthopedic surgeon and we could afford it, but I'm so grateful for those years. And I think that's why our bond has last… well, I don't know, it's because we're all really nice people I guess, I don't know. I think that being as long… as much as you can with your kids growing up is the best thing you can do.
Sarah: Hi, Jane, I'm Sarah.
Jane: Hi, Sarah.
Sarah: I have gone through life healing very loud and I often walk away from a situation thinking I was too much, and I wonder if you ever had a period like that in your life because clearly, you come into your own, and if you did, what transformed you into feeling comfortable that, “I'm going to be loud, I'm going to be overconfident and that's just…”?
Jane: Well, I think in my case, being married in ‘65, I think my marriage and creating a family was my identity. But then as my certain husband got more and more full of himself and made lots and lots of money and maybe I wasn't there for him but maybe I didn't like what he'd become too; I really often think that. I mean, obviously we didn't grow together correctly and I don't know what to do about that.
Sarah: Yeah, I’m going to ask one more.
Sarah: Jane, what does it mean for you to be a vibrant and happy woman?
Jane: Everything, everything, it really does.
Sarah: And what’s your secret for that?
Jane: Well, it's just… I think it’s just determination, and it spills through to my children because they're happy when I'm happy and it's kind of a circle thing, you know? And I love seeing them embrace me like they do, I mean, it makes me proud. But I I didn't do anything, I mean, I just came around is what it was.
Sarah: Yeah, beautiful.
Jane: Thank you for having me.
Jen: Amazing, right? I loved talking with Jane, and everyone surrounded her after the interview to talk even more with her and take pictures with her. I think Jane enjoyed that day of feeling like a mini celebrity and she is. If you would like to get to know Jane in person, I'll have you know that the retreat 2020 registration is open. We are running an early bird special which means the prices right now are the lowest they will be and you can find out more at jenriday.com/retreat. I would love to see you there and I know Jane would as well. I am so grateful that you listened today, I will be back later this week with a Happy Bit, and until then, make it a vibrant and happy and spunky week. Take care.
Outro: Thanks for listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast at www. jenriday.com.