91 Transcript: Empowering Tools to Shift Your Emotions and Energy (Jill Payne)
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JR: You're listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, episode number 91.
Intro: Welcome to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, stories of vibrant women living happy lives. And now, your host, Jen Riday.
JR: Hey, hey, welcome to Vibrant Happy Women. I'm Jen Riday and I am so glad you're here. This podcast, the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, is all about helping you let go of the inessentials and take better care of yourself, to love yourself so that you have more energy for those you love. As we heal our own hearts, we end up healing the hearts of those around us; it's a beautiful process. Last week, I spoke with Kelly McNelis on the podcast, all about embracing your messy self; letting go of perfectionism and truly embracing your imperfect, messy self. It's so liberating to let go of that standard that society says we need to follow. If you haven't listened to that one yet, you can go do so at jenriday.com/90. Well, last week, I started something new, it's called the Vibrant Happy 5. It's 5 quick and easy bullet points I'm emailing out in digest forum every week; 5 quick and easy things you can do to better love yourself, to let go of the inessentials, to build boundaries. And of course, I will mention the podcast every week because that's a big part of this process of living a vibrant happy life. I will talk to you about something I might be enjoying that week that's uplifting me and so on. So if you'd like to sign up for the Vibrant Happy 5, you can do so at jenriday.com/vh5; jenriday.com/vh5. One of the things you'll get if you sign up for the Vibrant Happy 5 is a fondue recipe; in fact, 2 fondue recipes.
On last week's happy bit, I shared how my husband and I went to the top of the highest mountain in Switzerland where he grew up; it's called the Jungfrau. And at the top, we all had a bit of altitude sickness; well, everyone except my husband. And so we went in a restaurant, a Chalet, to have Swiss fondue because it's so authentic, right? Well, the kids were sick and lying on the ground around the table and my husband and I were unable to enjoy this fondue in peace; the kids were essentially just napping around the table, it probably looked insane. (Laughs). But as sick as I felt at 11,000 feet, (being from the Midwest, that’s shocking to one system, right?) it was the most freaking fantastic meal I had ever had; oh, loved it! So ever since then, we have had fondue every Christmas Eve. If you sign up for the Vibrant Happy 5, I'll give you our 2 Swiss fondue recipes. There's one for cheese fondue and there's one for chocolate fondue; delicious, so good.
Well, I love listener comments and I'm trying to get you guys to send more of those, and thankfully, I have 2 this week that related to the holidays. One was from Michelle Taylor, and she wrote, “How do you keep going when we're so exhausted from the holidays?” great question, Michelle. And then Kim Levin wrote something similar, she said, “How do you stay in the zone or stay unstressed with all of life going on around us, especially during the holiday time?” excellent questions. So you're feeling the pinch, you know, the holidays are here and there's so much to do, right? Well, I have 2 things that I think will help. First, do a brain dump. Write down everything you need to do throughout the rest of December, every single thing you need to do or buy, everywhere you need to go, everyone you think you need to speak to; everything. And then look at this list and cross off half of it. I know, I know, it's going to be hard, but you can do it. What you're going to do is let go of those social expectations, let go of what magazines and Facebook posts and Instagram and Pinterest tell you that you need to have or do during the holidays and cut out half of it. Why? Well, this is going to help you feel calmer and it will help you do what's really important to you, which is spending time with your loved ones. It doesn't matter if you have an elf on the shelf; ours died last year, and I'm so glad he did. (Laughs). And I… our kids haven't even missed it. And it doesn't really matter if you send paper cards versus a quick email, the whole point is connection and love. So let go of those social expectations, do your brain dump and cross off half of the things on there. Second, spend 10 minutes every morning getting out of the trees so you can see the forest; stepping back from your busy life so you can remember what's important. I like to meditate and pray and journal and you can really do any of those and get really grounded on your authentic self; who you really are, a person of love and light and goodness. And when you connect with that and then go and face your day,
you'll be way more patient; you'll be way calmer, you'll be way happier. So take those 10 minutes every morning and get centered and grounded. And those are my two tips for you, Michelle and Kim. Thank you so much for asking your questions. And if anyone listening would like to ask a question for next week, you can email me at email@example.com.
Alright, a lot of you have also written to me asking about how did I start my online business and how do I do it with 6 kids. Well, so many of you have written that I decided to give you what you want and I'm offering a free workshop this week, it's called ‘How to easily create a heart centered profitable online business you love’. It's on Thursday and there are 2 times I'll be offering that, and you can sign up at jenriday.com/business-workshop. In the workshop, I'm going to talk about why it's critical that you figure out your superpowers and your purpose so you can start sharing your gifts with the world. This is a big part of being happy; knowing your gifts and sharing them. I'll also share ideas on what you could sell, even if you don't have an idea yet, the technology I use in my online business, 5 quick and easy first steps for building an online presence with minimal stress and time, and how to make time for a business in your already busy life in a way that will still leave you plenty of time with your kids and your spouse and your loved ones. Again, that's Thursday and it's called ‘How to easily create a heart centered profitable online business you love’; it's free. Join me by signing up at jenriday.com/business-workshop.
I have an amazing guest for you on the show today; her name is Jill Payne. She talks all about energy management; how you can feel energized and really positive each day, even when life gets hard or hectic or frazzled, like Kim and Michelle talked about in their questions. In this episode, you'll notice Jill talks about BFD. There are 3 areas of getting your energy higher, and BFD, she likes to say means ‘Be a freaking dime’; ‘dime’, meaning 10, level 10 energy, ‘Be a freaking dime’. B stands for body, F stands for what you're choosing to focus on, D stands for the dialogue you're using with yourself; and she just blew me away. And if you want more energy, if you want to feel more positive and you want to be able to control your mood when things get hard, you're going to love this episode. So let's go ahead and dive right in.
Jill pain is my guest today and she's the creator of Spiritual Athlete, a sought-after personal trainer to celebrities an elite executive speaker and performance coach. She has a passion and talent for tapping into the deep reservoir of energy that most people don't know they have; bringing out their inner glow like never before. Jill, I’m ready to go and I'm so glad you're here.
JP: Thanks, Jen, I’m excited too.
JR: So tell us a favorite quote of yours and then we're going to dive in to how we can glow. I mean, everyone's on pins and needles; I can already feel the energy. (Laughs)
JP: Yep, get ready, get ready! So I was thinking about my favorite quote and there is something that I think of, if not every day every, few days. And this quote, get ready, write this down, “If the door doesn't open, it's just not your door.”
JR: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
JP: That’s it.
JR: So how does that apply to health and fitness and all the stuff that you do?
JP: I think it's the idea of really applying our energy in the places that feel good where things are really moving forward and happening. If we spend so much time trying to force open doors that are closed, I mean, we're wasting our energy and it doesn't feel good.
JP: So just… if the door doesn't open, it's just not your door and there is a door that is open for you, and just look around, I'm sure it's there. That's kind of the whole idea.
JR: Okay. Well, let's dive in. Tell us more about what you mean about developing this deep inner glow and how that works with health and fitness and everything you do.
JP: Okay. So my whole thing is about energy management. So it's the idea that, when you have high energy, you naturally feel good. So I start off by talking about, there's 2 different states we can live in; either the beautiful state or a suffering state. So beautiful state is like creative, inspired, happy, joyful, energetic, engaged in what you're doing, all of those things; versus the suffering state, I consider more anxiety, stress, fear, worry, depression, sadness, anger. So the way I see it, Jen, we've got suffering states at a 0 and those beautiful states at a 10.
JP:So we've got an energy scale. And the innovative thing about my approach is, I feel that those beautiful states, they require physical energy.
JP: So very rarely do you see someone who's happy and joyful and inspired and creative and exhausted all the time.
JP: You know, they have the energetic capacity to handle everything that's happening and that allows them to feel those emotions; versus, if my physical energy kind of starts to get low, then that's where I'm… I'm more apt to feel, you know, anxious and overwhelmed because I physically don't have the energetic capacity to handle what's happening.
JR: Huh, you know, this reminds me of something I heard from Tony Robbins. And he says, “We don't have depression, we do depressions,” is that right? Would you agree?
JP: Exactly! And… yes, and Tony Robbins is one of my big, big mentors, for sure. So that's exactly what I'm talking about; it's the whole idea. Instead of trying to think, “How do I manage my emotions all day? How do I get happy? How do I get joyful?” it's, “How do I manage my physical energy? Because when my physical energy is up, I naturally feel those good emotions.”
JR: Yes, love it.
JP: And physical energy is something we can actually create and cultivate in the body.
JP: Versus those emotions that seems so elusive, right? So it's like, oh, one day you're happy, one day you're sad; it's exhausting.
JP: But if you just said, “You know, whatever emotion I'm feeling is just a reflection of that channel that I'm on,” you know, “So if I'm on a channel 2, well, my physical energy level is at a 2 and I'm going to feel anxious and overwhelmed, regardless of whatever subject I think about.”
JP: “Versus, I can shift my energy and get to a higher channel, and whatever topic I think about, I'm going to feel optimistic and, you know, happy and joyful about that.”
JR: Yes. Well, so let's say someone comes to you, they're in a low place, they're depressed, maybe they're on depression medication, where do you even begin to shift that physical energy to boost that mood? Maybe it doesn't mean that someone would get off their medication necessarily, because we know there are definitely physiological things happening in the brain, okay, but where would you start?
JP: Yes. But I think… well, that's just it; we can always go… sometimes it's difficult to think of going from like maybe a low channel of a channel 2, right to a 10, but we can definitely move from a 2 to a 4, a 4 2 or 6; we take our time. But the… the idea is, I call 10 is being a dime.
JP: So we want to be a dime. So there's… actually, I've created these 3 principles that allow you to create and cultivate physical energy. So those 3 things are, what you're doing with your body, what you're choosing to focus on, and the dialogue that you're using with yourself.
JR: Ooh. (Laughs)
JP: Yeah, the acronym there, Jen, this is the easy way to remember it, is BFD or ‘Be a freaking dime’.
JR: Ooh! ‘Be a freaking dime’.
JP: Right? So good.
JR: Ooh! Yeah!
JP: I was waiting for your reaction; I was waiting. (Laughs)
JR: Okay. I'm a freaking dime; I'm making that statement right now. I’m going to… I am a freaking dime. (Laughs)
JP: I want to start the hashtag of #diming; that's my new thing, so you’ve got to use that podcast.
JR: (Laughs). Like it! Okay, I'm going to put that…
JR: Diming, we are in. I'm going to put that hashtag when I share this. Oh, that’s so good.
JP: So then the idea is, if I'm going to work with someone who's in a low channel, depressed or overwhelmed or fearful, whatever, I'm going to go through those 3 things with them. So when I talk about the first one being the body, a lot of people… I'm a personal trainer and they think, “Oh my god, she's going to make me go to CrossFit every day for an hour,” you know?
JR: (Laughs). Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
JP: And eventually, once you're up there on a higher channel, you may feel like doing that. But from a 2 or 3, I find so many people, they think, “Okay, I've got to change my body, I'm at a 2 or 3, I want to over exercise and restrict my eating.” But from that low channel, you actually don't have the physical energy to follow through with any of that.
JP: Right? So I've kind of moved myself from the personal training more into kind of performance coaching and energy management, because I want to know what's the difference between the person who you give up that workout plan to and they can follow through with it no problem and the person who's going to struggle it and fall off of it in another week and feel worse.
JR: Right, right.
JP: You know, so what I've noticed in all my work is that, if we can just start to manage our energy just slightly so that you're on a higher channel, then you actually feel like exercising, you actually feel like using your body, you want to eat good food, you know, it's just natural on that higher channel; versus from a 2 or 3, it feels forced and it's never going to happen, right?
JR: Aha! Wow! Wow, this is big yeah this is big!
JP: Yeah. This is big. So then the idea with the body is that there's just some tiny little things that you can do to increase your energy. So I call 5, I call that the line. You know, sometimes people are like, “Jill, I can't be a dime every second of the day,” and I disagree with some practice, I do believe it is possible, but we can definitely make sure that we're above the line all the time. So above the line is like, “I totally got this situation. Everything's fine,” versus below a 5, you're in that kind of victimhood mentality of like, “I can't, the world's happening to me.”
JP: So with our body, there's 5 things we want to look at. The first one… I'll just go over these quickly because I know we don’t have so much time. But the first one is posture. So as soon as I say that, everyone sits up a little taller, did you see?
JR: (Laughs). Yeah, exactly.
JP: Like, “I can see you! I can't see you, but I can see you.”
JP: So… so that's the first one. I say that, you know, the difference of lifting that sternum one inch can change your entire life, you know? If we choose to walk around with that kind of sunken chest versus that strong lifted sternum, your life is different, you know? And…
JR: Like Wonder Woman pose, “Duh-dah-dah!”
JP: Exactly! Yeah, so that’s what I talk about often in my workshops is the Amy Cuddy TED talk that she did where… have you seen it, Jen?
JR: No, but I'll put a link to it on our show notes page. Tell us about it.
JP: Yes, it's so good. So she… she had 2 groups of people, she had one group of people hold a power pose…
JR: Oh, yeah, I have seen that one; I have seen that one.
JP: Yeah, yeah.
JR: Keep going, that's so good.
JP: Yes, yes. So she had one group hold the power pose for 2 minutes. So that could be like arms outstretched over the head, hands on the back of the head. For me, it's really anything where the sternum is lifted and the shoulders are back, you know? So she had one group hold this powerful position, another group hold a more compressed position, you know, hunched over, hand on the neck, eyes down, that sort of posture. Then they all went into a job interview, the interviewees didn't know who was part of which group, and every single person who was in the power pose was chosen.
JR: Wow, so good.
JP: Yeah. And they actually look at the… yeah, it's so crazy. When they look at the biochemistry, they found that the cortisol levels went down 20%, so that's your stress hormone, and then your testosterone levels go up 20%, your confidence hormones, just from 2 minutes in that power pose.
JP: So you better believe that your posture is changing the way that you feel, you know? And that's the thing. I find the body is the easiest access point because you don't have to change anything that's happening in your life, what he said, what she said, how this went, you just changed the position of your body, your biochemistry changes, you feel better.
JP: You know, so whatever is happening, you can always change your posture.
JP: There's no reason you can't. So that's the first one; posture. Second one, smiling; and I hope everyone smiled when I said that too.
JP: So if you smile, smile with your teeth showing, I say that also changes your biochemistry. And if at times it feels like a smile is difficult, you can put a pen right between your teeth.
JP: You know, and then it creates the same movement in your face, so it's creating the same emotions to our biochemistry. So posture, smiling, the third one is breathing. So this out goes back to the nervous system. We know when we breathe into our chest, we stimulate that fight-or-flight nervous system, you know, we're on high stress, high adrenaline, freaked out, panicked, you know, versus when we get into our belly, breathing deeply into our belly, we're in that rest and recover and we're relaxed and we can anticipate what might be needed, and it's just a different way to live. So your breath is definitely determining your mood as well. So posture, smiling, breathing, the fourth one is your voice.
JP: This one… I mean, Jen, you're on the audio all the time, you're on your podcast, you know, that if you did the same thing you're doing, but you spoke like this and…
JP: You know, but it’s true. Your voice really shows people what kind of energetic channel you're on, you know? So I talked about, at a 0, that's where I call the fearful place, if I speak in a fearful way, I'm like, “Hi, Jen.”
JP: “Sorry to bother you,” right? That’s… that’s my fearful voice, right? If I… if I’m at 5… and this is what I find so interesting, a 5 is like what I call hopeful.
JP: And so many people live in that hopeful place and they really think that's the best they can do, right? So even speaking to themselves, they wake up in the morning and they're like, “Yeah, maybe it's going to be a pretty good day today, you know?”
JP: “Could be; could go either way, right?” So we think that's like a nice place to be in. To me, a 5 is worse than a zero because you're not really engaged, you're not really disengaged, you're just kind of like leaving everything up to chance like you have no control or power over your own life, you know?
JR: Yeah, yeah.
JP: And that sounds like… like, I always do this with… I do this in corporations, I do a lot of work with sales teams because if I'm going to, you know, try to sell you something and I'm like, “Jen, I got this… this pen, and it's… you know, it's pretty good and you… you might like it. Do you want to maybe try it?” you know?
JR: Right, right.
JP: You're going to be like, “Yeah, maybe, Jill,” you know, you're going to give me that same hopeful response back.
JP: But, again, it's that's my physical energy level when I speak like that. But the biggest one is when you're at a 10, I call that a place of certainty. And this, again, is some stuff that I kind of gotten from Tony Robbins. He talks about how certainty is a human need. So we as humans are craving certainty. We want to know that the future is safe, we want to know everything's okay, you know, we live in a place where we're in that protective mode of like, “Am I okay? Are they okay? Do we have enough? Should I go over there? Are my kids okay?” you know? It's just constant like trying to protect ourselves and make it through the days, right? So we want certainty to know that like you have everything you need everything is okay, the future is safe, and you want to feel reassured.
JP: So with your voice, I find we can do that for ourselves and also just knowing that the people around us are craving it as well, you know?
JP: So when I am certain, my voice is clear, it’s articulated, you know, I'm going to say… I'm going to wake up in the morning I'm going to say, “This is going to be a great day, period.” Right?
JP: So there’s no ‘maybes’, there’s…it's very… you know, I talk about, if I'm a teacher at a school and I say to the kids, “You know, maybe you could sit.”
JR: (Laughs). That would go over well. (Laughs)
JP: Yeah! And you… what it does is, those poor kids, their nervous system is like, “Does she mean sit? Is she sure? I'm not sure, am I supposed to?” you know, they're getting that kind of a ‘maybe’, right? But if you want to say, “Sit down now,” I mean, that seems like almost harsh but it is clear and it's going to give them that certainty that they're craving, right? It's just… it’s known…
JR: Yeah, hierarchy too. (Laughs)
JP: Yeah, exactly.
JR: “Oh, she’s in charge; she’s in charge. We get it”
JR: Yeah, I love that.
JP: So I noticed this even in my own emailing and that sort of stuff, instead of saying, you know, “Oh, Jen, maybe we could get together for lunch,” you know, there's a hopeful tone, right? I want to say, “I would love to get together for lunch,” you know, so that's going to create more certainty for me and the people around me. And, again, it's just reflective of the energy level that you're on.
JR: Yes, love it.
JP: So that's posture, smiling, breathing, voice, the last one is movement. And, again, I'm not talking about 3 hours on the treadmill every day, I'm talking about, for me, the more you move your body, the more of your body you move, the more energy you have, you know? So it could be as simple as, if you think about someone who's walking without swinging their arms, you know, head down, not swinging their arms, you can imagine they're probably on a channel of like 3 or 4.
JP: You know, and then someone who swings their arms… I wish I could do this, I wish that this was on video. But someone who could swing their arms just lightly, maybe like a 5 or 6. But that person you see walking and swinging their arms vigorously and smiling on their face, maybe even skipping, I mean, that's resembling of the energy level they're on, right?
JP: It's showing you that they got energy in their body.
JP: So one of the first things I do and I'm working with some severely depressed people is I say, “I want you to walk and swing your arms; that's it. I won't even get into anything, I just want you to walk and swing your arms.” Because so often, you know, we hold our psychology in our physiology.
JP: And we don't even know it, you know? We're like rounded on our telephones, you know, hunched over, looking down, and we're wondering why we don't feel good all the time, you know? So, for me, the body is the hugest peace to just really crack that open and let that energy in, right? So those 5 things, posture, smiling, breathing, voice, movement, you could go through those things 30 seconds and you would feel different. So, again, that's the idea that, “You don't have to wait for anything to change, just shift those 5 things and you will automatically feel better. And once you feel better, then you're on a channel where the emotions are different.” So I always have this example where I say, you know, “There are no problems, just the physical energy level you're on when you look at them.”
JR: Oh, right, right.
JP: So if I get fired from my job and I'm on a channel 2, well, the emotions on that channel are anxiety, worry and fear; I'm going to throw the desk, throw the water thing, yell at someone, cry, you know?
JP: And then if you think, “Okay, what would my response be if I was on a channel 10 and I got fired from my job? What do you think it would be?”
JR: Ooh, cool! “What door can I open next?” (Laughs)
JP: Yeah, exactly, or like, “I think I'm going to start that business I always wanted,” or, “I'm going to take the package and go on a trip.” Like from above a 5, you see opportunity; from a below a line… below the 5, below the line, you see challenge and problem.
(Interview resumes) [27:10]
JR: I'm curious, are people born with different levels of energy? Because I have 6 kids and I'm not sure on this, but I kind of feel like they are. What do you say to that? (Laughs)
JP: That's a super interesting question. I mean, I would say that, yeah, we have different tendencies, but also, I mean, it could be practice patterns. You know, maybe some of your kids, you'll see they use their body in a different way or some of your children, they focus on the positive much easier than someone else, you know? So I think in terms of whatever energy level we come with, we can always shift it, but I do think, yeah, determine… you know, I think that there probably are different energy levels to begin with, for sure.
JR: Do you feel like..? I have a sense that since you're kind of… how do you say it? You’re diming… you're a freaking dime?
JP: (unclear) [27:55]… dime, that's right.
JR: Well, I felt immediately my energy level shifted as soon as we got on the interview. So do you find that it's helpful to be around other dimes if you want to keep your energy higher?
JP: Yes. And I would say that's a whole other thing that, whatever channel you are on, that is exactly what you're going to get back at you.
JP: So if I am a true dime, then I'm going to hang out with dimes; and here I am talking to you, Jen.
JR: (Laughs). Right. And we have our mutual friend Michelle, another freaking dime; I just have a give her a shout-out. (Laughs)
JP: Exactly, shout-out to Michelle; that's right.
JR: Oh, that's great.
JP: Yeah, and that’s the thing. I mean, like really, sometimes we want to connect through our problems and that's what I find is… I don't do that anymore and either do the people that I hang out with, you know? So it's just kind of a, whatever kind of channel you're on, you'll just naturally find those people that match you, you know? So, yeah, but it's definitely important to stay with those people.
JR: Right. And so those Debbie Downers in our lives, I'm thinking of one in particular, no names here, but there's this person I know who everything out of her mouth is complaining, criticizing, gossiping, and it's just such an energy suck. What do you do with people like that for yourself?
JP: Fire them! No.
JP: “You're fired as a friend.” No, I get this question a lot, and especially it's happening… you know, the people that I work with, they're kind of going up with these channels naturally and they're on a higher channel than they were and their friends were, you know, from years ago; so it happens where you could be on a mismatched channel. But the biggest thing that I talk about is, from a 10, I call that… at a 10, you are detailed positive. At a 7, you're generally positive. At a 5, you’re neutral. At a 3, you're generally negative. And at a 0, you’re detailed negative. So when you think about your Debbie Downer friend here, I guarantee that she's constantly in the detail negative.
JP: So, you know, she's not just going to be like, “I had a bad day, Jen,” she's going to be like, “This happened and this happened and he said this and she said this, and can you believe that?” and, you know?
JP: So what I would say is like, we want to make sure ourselves, we're staying out of the detailed negative, but we also want to kind of shift it with our friends to say, you know, “Well, how could you say it in a more general sense?” or… this is my favorite question for Debbie Downers because they don't think about it ever is, “What is the ideal situation here?”
JR: Ooh, yeah.
JP: You know, so… because that's the thing. So that second one we've got, we went over B, which is body, F, is focus. So with, focus, you have the option to focus on the problem and what could go wrong or the solution and the ideal situation. But sometimes we get so wrapped up in the detailed negative that we don't spend one second thinking about, “What do I actually want to have happen here?”
JP: So that's my secret question, you know? And I think now when someone gets that question from me, they know that they were being negative or I wouldn't ask it. But really, it's just something to shift them out of that rabbit hole of everything that could go wrong, you know? The other thing I think that's helpful in speaking to other people on lower channels is to make sure that they understand that you heard them, you know?
JR: Oh yeah. So… because if I might get into more and more detail because I really want you to understand and relate to what I'm saying, but if you right away say, “Jill, I got it. Wow, I really… I really understand what you're saying there,” you know? So then, I don't have to get into more detail because I know that I'm understood. And there's a point when you're speaking to someone and, you know, how they're feeling, what they're trying to convey, you know, and the more details that are not necessary. So I always say… I have a friend she always says, you know, “I'm going to stop you right there, Jill. I love you too much to let you go there.” Because that's the idea too, when we get into the negative, our body doesn't know the difference of whether we're actually experiencing it again or we're just talking about it. So the people around me, I definitely have that awkward moment of saying, “You're getting a bit detailed negative.”
JP: And they look at me and I think I'm going to get hit in the face, but I swear, months later, they will always come back at me and be like, “Do you remember that time I was getting really detailed negative and you said that? And that shifted everything.” So I actually welcomed the awkward moments of bringing attention to where the people I really care about because I know it's going to create a big shift.
JR: That is a great gift, really. Because if they can shift into being a dime, yeah, that's more than money can buy.
JP: And that's like the most important time to do it is when you're on that… those low, low channels, you know? It's easy to smile when you're on like an 8, you know?
JP: But you really have to focus on it when you're on those lower channels and that's why it's so important. For me, I like to believe that all of it is controlled through our behaviors, you know, so that we're not stuck with any sentence; any life sentence any, you know, diagnosis.
JR: Story, yeah.
JP: Yeah, that there's always something you can do, you know? And that's the way I believe it and that's the way that I… you know, interact with my people and work with my people. And I've seen so much stuff, so much positive things being, you know, drawn out of these people and they can shift those 3 things and they're like, you know?
JP: But just the idea that you have the ability to do that, I mean, that's stood right there.
JR: Well, so you talked about body and focus; focusing on the solution rather than the problem. Tell us more about the dialogue piece.
JP: Yeah. So, well, the last thing about the focus, the other thing I think is so important is focusing on the way you want to feel, versus the stuff that you want, you know? So that's a huge point with the focus. A lot of people, they're like, “You know what? When I get a 6-pack then I'll be happy,” you know?
JR: Yeah, right.
JP: “But not until I… not until I get a 6-pack will I allow myself one second a happiness.”
JP: You know? You can replace 6-pack with new house, new car, more money, different job.
JR: Disney World, yeah. (Laughs)
JP: When I get this vacation, yeah, “When I finish this project that I'm on, then I'll feel better,” you know? So the whole idea is, I think that those material things, whatever it is that you want, are the most information you're getting there is how you really want to feel.
JP: So, you know, the 6-pack is letting me know that how I really want to feel is happy. So then it's like, “Okay, well, let's look at what could I do right now that's going to allow me to be happy?”
JP: And it could be like a funny cat video, you know, it doesn't have to be… right, I don't have to… because what happens if you say, “A 6-pack is going to make me happy,” then you're going to, you know, over exercise and restrict your diet and probably get injured and compare yourself to other people and cry in the couch and eat some more Oreo.
JP: you know? Like it’s the idea that like we have to struggle to get the things that we want. And I think it's the opposite; the things we watch show us how we really want to feel, and then just focus on that. Because if I'm happy, I'm actually going to feel like going to the gym, I'm actually going to choose better foods, and it's not forced, it's actually an impulse; it's coming from me based on the channel I'm on.
JP: You know, so everything we want is because we think we'll have relief when we have it, right? So choose the relief now, why wait, right?
JP: So that's the way that I… and what I noticed so much, especially in lots of achievers, and I know your listeners are achievers, for sure, is that, you know, we really think once we get the 6-pack then we're done. You know, in your mind, it makes you believe like, “If we could just get the 6-pack, then we'll be happy,” you know? And what's going to happen when you get the 6-pack?
JR: It's like deflating, “Oh, that's all.” (Laughs)
JP: Or you're going to want the next thing.
JP: You’re going to be like, “Now we need an 8-pack,” right.
JR: Yeah, right.
JP: So the same thing like… if you're like, “When I finish this project, then I'll feel happy,” well, there's another project coming, you know?
JP: So then you'll look back on your life and it'll be a series of like dragging your butt around like, “Gotta get this!” celebrating it for 2 seconds and then dragging around again to celebrate for 2 seconds, you know?
JP: So my whole kind of philosophy is like, “How can you enjoy the journey more?” right?
JP: So focusing on the ideal situation and the way you want to feel and then doing things that allow you to feel that now. I mean, because that's the idea. I say like, “You shouldn't be doing anything from a 5, you're just wasting your time. So manage your energy, get yourself to a 10, focus on the way you want to feel as a 10, and then everything is easier. You're going to just, you know, fly towards those things that you want instead of forcing it.
JR: You say manage your energy and you talk about the 5 things we do with our bodies, when do we do it? Right when we wake up, just go align our posture, sternum lifted, shoulders back, smile? You know, how do you remind yourself to check in with those things.
JP: Well, I would definitely say you want to do it before you wake up and right before you go to sleep.
JP: Just because you kind of got that quiet time to connect with yourself and do it. But I have clients who they… they put BFD on their phones and it comes up every hour or 3 times a day because it's that idea… like, if I set a new year's resolution in January and I don't look back at it again until January, it's not very likely that I'm going to follow through with any of my goals, right?
JP: So, you know, you want to check in with this stuff on a regular basis. Like it's going to create results immediately, but you actually have to create it as part of a ritual or routine in your day, you know?
JP: So everyone's going to list this and be like, “That's great! That was amazing!” and then just go on with their day in their normal way, right? So it's, “How do you add this into your day?” So I think having a little alarm on your phone that just says BFD, and then every time you see it, you'll stop and you'll go through the body and those 5 things, you look at the focus to think about the dialogue and, again, it takes like a minute, and then you're back at your day, you know? It's like you're sharpening your saw so that it's easier to cut wood for the rest of the day. So you need to take, you know, a minute in the morning and a minute in the afternoon and a minute in the evening to sharpen your saw so you're back at that 10 and everything is more effortless and easy.
JR: So for focus, we focus on the solution and then how we want to feel; choosing to feel the way we want to feel.
JR: Got it, okay.
JP: And then you want to actually practice the feeling. So like, right now, if you were a 10, how would you be sitting?
JR: Like Wonder Woman! (Laughs)
JP: Yeah. You'd be like smiling, you'd be like, “That girl on that podcast, wow.”
JP: “She’s so good.”
JR: “She rocks!”
JP: Yeah. So it's actually also moving how you want to feel. So that's another part of the focus; once you know how you want to feel, then you want to actually create it in your body now. And then that last piece is the dialogue; so the way that we speak to ourselves.
JP: So this is like… this is a huge piece.
JP: And it's like, I say, “We have that option to kind of bring a nag around with us all day or a cheerleader,” you know? And I always say that, “Nobody changes from being nagged,” and if you're married, you might understand that better.
JP: But people want to change when someone is happy. You know, when you're happy, people want to, you know, do the things you're asking them to do versus, continuing to ask them and ask them and ask them, right? It's the same with that voice in your head, you know? You're going to want to be inspired when you have that cheerleader helping you out, versus that person who's like, “Ugh, there you did it again! You're not good enough! You can't do it right” you know, all that stuff. So we really want to try to, you know, shift and create that voice in our head to be on the same team as our body.
JP: That's a huge point, you know? It feels like the whole world is against us, but how could we make that voice in our head really support our being; support our body? You know, so we want that voice and body to be, you know, on the same team, working with each other, versus against each other. And you can feel it inside your body when you're working with yourself versus against yourself.
JR: So do you have mantras you like to repeat to yourself that are powerful, in addition to ‘Be a freaking dime’, which is so powerful?
JP: Well, there's one I've been… I've been doing a lot of yoga lately, Jen, and there's one that I've been repeating, you know, that, “I am worthy. I am, you know, divine perfection in physical form.”
JP: That's what I like to say.
JR: Oh yeah, that's powerful.
JP: I am divine perfection in physical form, and I really do believe that we all are, right? But we do these things that cover that up. That is our birthright, that is the truth, you know, so really remembering who I really am; so I just repeat that. I'll be in yoga and I'm just repeating it inside my head over and over and over again. And the other thing with the dialogue is, you want to start to say to yourself what you want to hear. So that's another thing that I've really started to do recently is get really quiet and say, “What is it that I need to hear right now?” and then saying it to myself.
JR: And that goes really well with the idea that, “We're not victims of anything else,” so speak a little more about that. Let's say someone feels like their spouse doesn't love them or they were neglected as children or this awful thing happened then they shift into victim thinking, how could those people say to themselves what they want to hear to lift out of that?
JP: Well, what I find is there’s something they're wanting their spouse to say, for sure.
JR: Yeah, yeah.
JP: Something they're supposed to say to them to make them feel better. And if they could say it to themselves, they would be so much more powerful. You know, I talked about the difference between someone who's walking around looking for that acknowledgment and, you know, approval from everyone versus someone who can create it within themselves, right?
JP: It's a different energy; you can feel that from someone. I always say, “I can hear dialogues when I walk past people,” you know? And the dialogue of, “Nobody likes me. You don't care about me,” you know, like that's… it's not helpful, right? And I always say that, “Our life is a reflection of the stories we're telling, so the way that we describe our life is the way that it's happening.” So if I'm saying, “My husband doesn't love me, he doesn't appreciate me, he doesn't do anything for me,” I mean, then how do you show up when you speak to your husband?
JR: Ooh, resentful.
JP: You’re basically… right?
JP: Exactly. You know, this is a little tidbit that I think has saved many marriages and in a lot of my clients. I say, “Imagine your spouse just did something that you've been wanting them to do for a long, long time, right? So you don't say anything, but as soon as they walk in the door, you greet them as if they've just done something you've been wanting them to do for months and months, right?” So maybe normally, you're like, “Oh, hi,” and then you think about that thing that they just did and you're like, “Hi, honey! How was your day?” right? So as soon as you greet them from that energetic level, from that channel, there's no way you can get that old, you know, stale pattern that you've been living in; you're going to get a higher channel from them as well.
JR: Yeah, that's true. And it's kind of like writing your own story, “Hey, why not just decide your husband, your spouse, your loved ones, they're amazing; just decide to start thinking,” it feels a lot better.
JP: Right. And I'll say… yeah, and if you’re divine perfection in physical form, that's why I say like, you always want to ask yourself, “How would I see this if I was a 10?” you know?
JP: Yeah, “How would I imagine this situation with my husband if I was a true, true 10?”
JR: Wow. Huh, and also I was thinking while you're talking, I found it helps to imagine I have an inner child. There's always this side of me that wants to throw a tantrum or say, “Oh my gosh! You didn't clean up the kitchen and you didn't put the kids to bed!” or whatever. (Laughs)
JR: But just… or, “You don't love me,” let's say, but just, you know, take your 10 self and talk to that child self and say, “Hey, you're doing okay and you're loved and you're amazing and you're important,” and it just helps me to have that visual.
JP: Well, that's what you want to hear, yeah. And I have a friend, I was traveling with her and, you know, she would often just rub her sternum, she would just rub her chest and you'd be like, “Kelly, what are you doing?” and she was like, “I'm repairing myself,” you know?
JR: Aww. (Laughs)
JP: And I love that idea of like, you know, so even just to rub your little sternum because it feels so good and then just tell yourself what you want to hear, you know? And I do think that we've got that like, that little kid inside us is just freaking out; like, your little soul is just freaking out panicked in there, and at times, we just need to soothe it, you know?
JP: We need to uplift ourselves.
JP: And you can feel your soul is nice and relaxed in there and when it's kind of freaking out. So we need to start to use these tools to relax ourselves, you know?
JR: Exactly. Alright let's talk about your morning routine. What does that look like for you? Maybe you can spell out all of what we covered and how you do it in your morning.
JP: Sure. So I get up pretty early. I like it if I don't have to set an alarm, but I still get up early, and then I do… right away, I do meditation or priming; what I would call meditation and priming. So I do about 5 minutes of breathing and a little bit of stretching so that I can sit comfortably. And then I just… I go through, you know, it's actually an exercise from Tony Robbins. So I go through the 3 things that I'm grateful for that day and I really try to feel them in my body.
JP: And then I look at… I feel the… you know, that energy coming through my body, healing all my cells, healing all the situations, so like actually breathing in and picturing… like, I even picture a color, some gold energy coming through my body and running through the cells and healing everything. And then I take that energy and I send it out to the people in my life who really matter to me. So I start with my family, my friends, and then I love my clients too, so I send energy to my clients, and I just spend time thinking about each person and wishing them well, and hoping that they can thrive as well in their lives and what they're up to. And then the last part, I think about 3 things I want to have happen and I imagine as if they've already happened. So I go through the scenario as if it's already done and I imagine what I'll feel like. And, like I said, I can get to really positive detail about that when I'm feeling good. So that's usually about 10 to 15 minutes, and it can be longer if I'm feeling good. And then coffee is my next priority really.
JR: (Laughs). Yep.
JP: Coffee is my next priority. And then I like to sit and drink my coffee and do some writing and I really like to listen to, you know, my podcasts as well, as I listen to a lot of Abraham-Hicks. So I love to listen to Abraham-Hicks and do some journaling in the mornings.
JP: That would be the ideal morning. But you know what it's like, some days I'm working.
JR: Right, right.
JP: So I have to get up a little earlier and shorten those things. But that's the thing, even if that priming has to be 3 minutes, I still do it.
JR: Okay, that's great. Well, I'll have those listed on our show notes page at jenriday.com/91
because that's a great morning routine. And what's your favorite easy meal, Jill?
JP: I was thinking about this and I feel like I have this unique thing I've been eating a lot of; I wouldn't call it a full meal, but it can be added to everything. So what I've been eating a lot of lately is charred cabbage.
JP: It sounds not so exciting, but it is. So what I do is I put coconut oil in a pan, I chop up the cabbage, and then I just put it in a pan and I make sure that it gets a little bit brown. And then the secret is, I add some salt and nutritional yeast.
JR: Really? Okay.
JP: Yeah. So then it's a nice little hot vegetable. So I either add it then to a salad, so it really spices up a salad, or I make it a little side dish on another meal, but it's delicious.
JR: So if we left out the nutritional yeast, it wouldn't be nearly as good? Is that really the secret ingredient?
JP: It would still be good, but not as good.
JR: As good.
JP: Yes, the nutritional yeast makes it; it makes it.
JR: Okay. What's your favorite way to connect with your loved ones?
JP: That’s a good question. I would say definitely, I love to have deep conversations, I get into it pretty easily, but I think what scenario would be movement, you know? So I love to go to yoga with my friends or walking with my family, you know, so I think pretty much everything I do involves movement, you know?
JP: So dancing, yoga, walking, all that stuff.
JR: Yeah, okay.
JP: Just because I know that it just makes everyone feel good, you know, so it's going to be a good time.
JR: Yeah, yeah. What's your favorite book?
JP: My favorite book would be ‘Ask and it Is Given’ by Abraham Hicks, for sure.
JP: And what I love about it is there is 22 processes at the end; so there's some kind of little journaling and active things that you can try, so it's… you get the principles and then you get to try it out. So that's my favorite one, for sure.
JR: Okay. And finally, the big question, what does it mean for you to be a vibrant happy woman?
JP: So, for me, now that you understand it, it's being a dime, it's managing my energy, it's prioritizing my energy over everything else. So my mood, you know, nothing is as important as my mood and I know when my mood is up, I'm going to be able to handle everything, you know? So in terms of being vibrant and happy, that's pretty much the definition of a dime.
JP: So if I could focus on just believing and knowing that I can create and cultivate energy in my body, and with that energy, I'm going to be on a channel where I feel amazing, then that's kind of the formula for me of how to be happy.
JR: Mmm. That's perfect, “Be a freaking dime,” and, “You are a vibrant happy woman,” the same thing. (Laughs)
JP: Exactly. And then that’s the other thing I would say is follow the energy, you know? So if there's something that they get you excited and there's something you're not looking forward to, go towards the one that gets you excited; that's always the right direction.
JR: Perfect. And tell us where our listeners can find you and then leave us with a challenge.
JP: Sure. So my website is spiritualathlete.life. So there's… it explains a bit about what I do, I do corporate speaking and executive coaching. All of my coaching, you have to be walking; so it's one-on-one walking, either on the phone or in person. And there's online programs there and there's hats that say #dimingonline, as well, I have Instagram, spiritual_athlete; lots of stuff happening there. I do workshops around Canada. And the challenge for you would be for the next 24 hours, I like to do it something that is sustainable, next 24 hours, focus 100% on your energy. So add an alarm to your phone and look at body focus dialog every few hours, and just decide that nothing is going to come before your energy.
JP: So if you start to have a suffering emotion, you manage your energy.
JP: And it could be as simple as like, for the next 24 hours, lift your sternum that one inch and smile when you walk, you know?
JP: It doesn't have to be anything big, you always have time for that. So my challenge would be to manage your energy.
JR: So, so good. Thank you so much for being on the show, Jill. I loved it.
JP: I loved it. And I do have a workbook.
JR: Oh yeah, great.
JP: Yeah, I would love to give it to your listeners. It just has a little more explanation on all the stuff we talked about today, as well as some writing exercises. So if anyone would like that, please send me an email, firstname.lastname@example.org, and really… I mean, I love to hear from people. So if anyone wants to reach out and hear more, they can also just send me an email; so email@example.com.
JR: Perfect. Thank you so much. And everyone, go be a freaking dime. (Laughs)
JP: Be a dime! #diming! Thank you so much, Jen. I hope you have a great day.
JR: Take care.
If you were a member of the Vibrant Happy Women Academy, I am so thrilled to announce that Jill is going to be giving us an exclusive, Academy Members Only, workshop later this week where she can answer all of your questions about your specific circumstances and how you can be a freaking dime. I love Jill so much and I love her energy, and it's going to be a blast to have her answer our questions. If you are not a member of the Academy, you are also in luck, because the doors to the Academy are open for the next week. This is the perfect opportunity to jump in, not only to get access to the workshop with Jill, but to be there when we do some amazing things in 2018. You can sign up or learn more about the Academy at vibranthappywomenacademy.com. Next week, I will be talking with Tonya Dalton, all about how to teach your kids to set goals and be more productive. Now, I'll admit, this is one area I need to work on with my kids, so you're going to love this interview because she teaches you how to set up that first family meeting with… it's a lot of pressure, probably with no pressure, but you get treats and you're going to teach your kids how to set small goals and move forward week by week by week. And this is great if you want your kids to actually fly the nest one day, rather than come crawling back with all their laundry and needing help with everything; so teaching that independence, so that will be next week. And I know I've shared a lot of links during this episode and I want to make it easy for you. I have everything from the fondue recipe to the business workshop to information about the Academy and information about everything Jill talked about in this episode, all on our show notes page at jenriday.com/91. All you need to do is scroll down to the resources section and you'll see all those links. I am so thankful for all of you, for all that you do, for your amazingness and all the goodness you give in the world, shine that out, love that about yourself, celebrate that, you are phenomenal. I'll see you next time. Take care.
Outro: Thanks for listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast at www.jenriday.com.