98 Transcript: How to Slow Down, Find Yourself, and Walk the Fearless Path (with Leah Guy)

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J: You're listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, episode number 98.

Intro: Welcome to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, stories of vibrant women living happy lives. And now, your host, Jen Riday.

J: Well, hey there, welcome back to Vibrant Happy Women. I'm Jen Riday and I'm all about helping you heal your heart. What does that mean? Taking care of you, knowing how you feel inside, knowing your thoughts and your beliefs, and healing those so that you keep the thoughts and beliefs and feelings that serve you and letting go of the rest. Why? This helps you to be a better mom; it helps you to be more patient. It will heal your heart so you can heal the hearts of those around you. Women have massive energetic and emotional capacity. And as we take care of our emotional needs, we radiate a light and an energy that affects everyone around us. Literally, I know without a doubt that as I healed my heart, I healed my marriage. It has affected my family and all of my friends and I'm more of a light. And I don't say that in a proud way, but in a way where I know that, I have potential and I have gifts to share and I have a difference to make on this earth. And I want you to know that about yourself. You have gifts to share, you have a difference to make, you have so much love to give, if you just get out of your own head and get rid of those emotional and mental blocks and just let that light shine; tap into it every day so you can share that love and light in your relationships. So that is what the Vibrant Happy Women movement is all about, and I'm so glad you're part of it.

So it's winter here in Wisconsin and I actually love winter, but not for the reasons you think. The cold is bone-chilling, mind numbing, and we've had many negative degree days here in Wisconsin this winter. But I love winter because it forces us to slow down. Who wants to go out in the cold? Not me. So I get to tuck up in a warm blanket or by the fireplace and be still and think and look into the eyes of my husband or my kids to play a board game or just rub someone's back. There's so much more connection and love and closeness and just being, instead of constantly going and doing. So I want you to take a moment to be grateful for the seasons. And if you're in winter, be grateful for the time to slow down and connect and just be; I love this.

Well, let's talk about our review of the day. I'm so grateful for Murray who wrote a review for the podcast. And she said, “Jen, I love your podcast, and especially loved the last podcast you did about creating 2018 goals. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I was looking for something specific as to what I should do with these ideas I have for changing and approving myself and my family, and you laid it out perfectly. Just wanted to say, definitely write that book. I will get it as soon as it comes out and will likely buy additional copies for friends and family. Thank you for doing what you do.” Murray, that means a ton. I am so glad that was helpful to you and I love being able to share something that helped me and see it's making a difference for someone. So thank you for sharing that. And everyone else listening, your reviews help the show so much. My goal is to reach as many women as I can, and every time someone leaves a review on iTunes, it helps us to reach more people. So if you could take a moment now and leave a review for the show, just go to jenriday.com/review and it will give you a little video instruction on how to leave the review, or just go to jenriday.com/iTunes and leave the review there; it helps so much. And thank you so much for those of you who have left a review. And if you haven't yet but you receive value from the show, please show your gratitude by leaving us a review; it means a lot.

Well, last week, I spoke with Mary Shores all about how to awaken the power of personal creation through manifesting and getting control and connecting yourself to the things you want in life. I love talking with her, and if you want to awaken your power to create and to attract the things you want, go back and listen to that episode. Today, I'm talking with Leah Guy all about how to slow down find yourself and walk the fearless path. You know, we spend time, as moms, as women, rushing, and we have problems in various relationships at work or at home. And there's the never-ending to-do list that leaves us feeling out of balance and like we've lost a piece of ourselves. Can you relate? Well, in this episode, Leah Guy shares how to create 5 minute chunks of time to take care of yourself; doable, right? We all have 5 minutes here or there. She talks about how to begin acknowledging your feelings and emotions and meeting your own emotional needs, which really makes a difference in your marriage and in some of your important relationships, because you don't approach them being needy, but you approach them from the energy of love and what you can give. And then, finally she's talking about how to use your emotional wholeness to improve your relationships; how to get whole, how that's going to help improve your relationships. So this is a phenomenal interview, you're going to love it. And I want to go ahead and introduce Leah.

My guest today is Leah Guy and she's a healer teacher and speaker and offers wisdom from a lifetime of personal triumphs, and more than 22 years helping clients transform their lives from fear and disconnection to heart centered and soulful living. She's a sought-after inspirational speaker who has appeared on numerous television and radio shows on topics such as meditation, the mind-body connection, energy medicine, intuition, and addiction, as well, as emotional and spiritual healing. Also known as ‘the modern sage’, she owns the Modern Sage Healing Center and product line, and A Girl Named Guy Productions LLC. Leah lives in Jersey, City New Jersey. Welcome to Vibrant Happy Women, Leah.

L: Thanks, great to be here.

J: So we love to start off with a quote, and what quote would you like to share today?

L: I think one by Erica Jong which is, “If you risk nothing, you risk even more.”

J: Ooh, I like that. So how do you apply that for yourself?

L: Well, you know, it's interesting, I push myself a lot; it's not unhealthy, I don't think, but, you know, just like anyone, I get bogged down with to-do list and old emotional crap and…

J: Right.

L: … you know, fears and worries and doubts and insecurities. And so it's really easy to just kind of follow along and do what everyone's doing and not put myself out there in any risky way. And, well, just like right now, I converted my Healing Center into a mobile van and I'm currently… I just traveled to Florida yesterday to do a week-long book tour workshop and media tour. And, you know, a lot of people might think that that's crazy, risky, whatever; and it is, but it's something I had in my heart to do and… and so I set out and did it.

J: That's amazing. So…

L: Not knowing what's going to happen. (Laughs)

J: Life on the road, wow. So if someone came into your van, what would they find in there?

L: No, I have a miniature store set up in there.

J: Really?

L: I have our whole line of personal… yeah, we have candles or spray, chakra oils, soaps, facial and my facial line, crystals, jewelry, my bulk, my meditation CD, these really cool t-shirts called… that say ‘fearless’ on the front. I have all kinds of stuff in there; it's like a store. And it's also an inspirational vehicle. On the outside of the van, not only does it have Modern Sage, which is my company, but at the top, it has a whole string of inspirational words like ‘transporting tranquility’.

J: Ooh.

L: And ‘be the light’ and ‘fearless’ and ‘spirit charging station’, and, you know, just some really cool inspiration up there. So the idea is, people can walk in and immediately feel centered and kind of calm and maybe get some things that they need like sage your Palo Santo or… (Laughs)

J: Yeah!

L: You know?

J: Oh, I love that.

L: Yeah!

J: Well, so you call yourself a healer and you wrote ‘The Fearless Path’. Tell us more about the kind of healing you're talking about and how that relates to fear.

L: Well, I've done all kinds of healing. I have studied nutrition since I can remember reading. I was a physical massage therapist for many years since like 1996. And now, more and more I do emotional and spiritual healing. So I… I do energy work with people, I do talk therapy. I incorporate in the physical aspects such as, you know, essential oils, foods, herbs, you know, real tangible things, as well as the more metaphysical stuff like to work with your chakras and your energy system and what that means to your health and your mind your emotion. So that's really where my focus is bringing all that together for a person and helping them transform fully. So what happens a lot of times is, people get very fixated on, “I need to change.” And obviously, you know, we can change our physical body relatively quickly; we can change our hair, our nails, we can lose weight, gain weight, you know, makeup, whatever. But that's just a really quick and surface-level change. And then we can also change relationships and different things around us and sometimes within us. But I find that, to really make lasting transformational shifts, we do have to look at all aspects together. So that's what I help a person do.

J: So really holistic, looking at relationships and body and spirit and mind and every little piece.

L: Yeah, yeah, and really applying it. Yep.

J: Let's say there's a mom who has a few kids, a couple kids, and she's done the mom thing for a while and she's realizing, “Oh my gosh, I am so unhappy and I'm burned out and I need help,” and she shows up.

L: Yeah.

J: And what would you say to her? What steps would you give her?

L: Well, I mean, obviously it is really difficult, as you know, speaking of someone with some kids. It's really difficult to self-manage, even when you don't have several kids or one child or what have you. I myself raised 2 stepchildren and 2 animals, you know, that's what I've done.

J: Right.

L: But I've also had, you know, multiple art projects, work projects, enterprises, and so forth. So no matter what we're taking care of, it can be very hard to regulate self-care. And so I would probably start by suggesting, even like scheduling 5 minutes at a time; 5 minutes of stillness, 5 minutes of a bath, 5 minutes of looking at yourself in the mirror, 5 minutes of taking yourself outside and getting a new perspective. These little chunks of 5 minute self-care can be a good way to just, you know, get back into your body, into your mind and your emotions. When we're fixated regularly on taking care of another person or a business or a boss or whomever, we get outside of ourselves. And just like when you're in a toxic relationship, for example, you're constantly worried what the other person is thinking and saying and doing or… a lot of codependents are like that as well. And the most helpful thing is to get re-grounded and centered in yourself; you know, pull back all that energy into yourself and feel your body, feel who you are, remember who you are before that person or the children or so forth. And you have to come home there regularly, and that's how you get on the path of self-care.

J: Oh, I love that. So it sounds like meditation. Can you tell us more of what your meditation practice looks like or what you would recommend for moms trying to learn how to do this?

L: Sure. Yeah, sure, you know, it's funny, I've taught meditation for 10 years and I hate the word. I think it's scary to people and overwhelming, and everyone's making it something bigger than what it needs to be; although it is important and effective. Meditation can look like a million things. I just meditated on my porch while I was doing yoga. I'm in Florida right now so I had the benefit of looking at the beach, which is wonderful. But I do that every morning in my bedroom, in my kitchen, on my deck, wherever.

J: Mm-hmm.

L: And it's a moving meditation; that's what yoga can be and should be. But you can also just sit down… I wrote an article for elephant journal recently, it's called ‘Sit Down and Shut Up’. Just sit down, close your eyes, be quiet and listen; that's it. You know, don't try to do anything. That's where people get overwhelmed with meditation.

J: Yes.

L: They try to be something; they're trying to be different, they're trying to get into something.

J: Yeah, yeah, it's true.

L: And it's going to be a fight, you know, we fight ourselves; just sit down and shut up. You know, sit down, turn your phone off, close your eyes, you don't even have to close your eyes, stare at the wall and just be quiet and listen; remove the distractions. And that's a great place to start. And once you get comfortable there, then you'll get comfortable being in the car without the radio on or without the phone on, then you'll get comfortable sitting in your home maybe while everyone's taking a nap and just sitting without doing… without, you know, anything else, and let those moments be the meditation. But let the mindfulness kind of take over.

J: I couldn't agree more. So many women who I know who are learning to meditate say, “Oh, I can't stop thinking,” and I'm like, “That's not the point. You're just observing.”

L: Yeah.

J: And like you said, listening; I love that. Good, I'm so glad. So tell us more about your book ‘The Fearless Path’.

L: Okay. Well, I wrote it because after working with clients for so long, I've heard him, you know, every story in the book it seems like. And all the stories are different, but what I realize is that we're suffering very similarly. And so I organized the book to address the 7 main ways that we suffer, and those main ways coordinate with our energy centers or our chakras; it's not about the energy centers. Now, anyone who reads the book, it's very easy to read. There's a lot of real-life stories in there, some from me, some from my clients, about pain, about guilt, about sexual assault, about eating disorders, addiction, grief, fear, all kinds of things. And so the book is… it's laid out where you can almost kind of look through the chapters and find emotional symptoms and physical symptoms that might correspond with what you're suffering from. So if a person, for example, has a lot of shame and grew up feeling very shameful or not good enough or insecure and has a lot of self-doubt, then that would be chapter 3 around the solar plexus energy center. And, in that chapter, a person can learn some of the symptoms and some emotional workouts, what I call emotional workouts; ways to, you know, fortify your emotional health and a meditation and so forth, crystals, oils, colors, all kinds of things that can help to strengthen. And the whole idea about the book is to empower and strengthen what is true in our life. My whole philosophy is against the letting go idea. The whole ‘Let it go and move on’, I think it's dangerous and it's unhealthy. And the book, it really is focused about acceptance heart centered connection to yourself and to others. And that, for my philosophy, is the way towards true healing and true peace.

J: So let me try to pull that apart.

L: Mm-hmm.

J: Let's say someone goes into this observational meditative quiet listening mode and they realize feeling really depressed or mad at someone. Are you saying they shouldn't let kind of feelings go or..? Help us decipher that.

L: Right. Those are symptoms, those are clues; like, thank God we had those things. You know, if we didn't, we would never make any change in our life or we would never have growth. So what I'm saying is, if you're feeling depressed, obviously depression is a symptom, there's either a chemical imbalance or there's a long chain of events in your life that have not been healthily processed emotionally.

J: Yes.

L: Or there's current situations that are not healthy for a person or it could be that nutritionally there's an imbalance as well; there's so many things.

J: Okay.

L: Yeah. It's our job as caretakers to listen and to actually take care of our soul, our body, our emotions and our mind; and same with anger. Yeah, if you're feeling mad at someone, feel mad at them. Mad is a good feeling; mad is a real feeling. If you fake mad and if you deny mad, then you're going to become rageful and then you're going to become resentful, then you're going to become unhealthy in the relationship, blaming, all kinds of contorted kind of emotions come up when we don't allow mad. And that's what's happening, you know, from kids being bullied to relationships falling apart and, you know, abusive toxic communication, we are so afraid of our authentic feelings. We think we're going to get stuck or get taken over by grief or by anger or by, you know, whatever it is. But the truth is, is those things are… they're honest, they're real, they are an emotion that we have access to. And when we experience them, we need to recognize it and listen to what that's telling us and let it process through so that it moves on healthfully.

J: Yes.

L: And then we get somewhere else. We don't get somewhere else by just going, “No, that's not real.” No, it is real, you know, “This is real and I need to speak and feel it, do it,” you know?

J: Yeah. It's kind of like the ‘feel it to heal it’ method, “Oh, this is what I'm feeling. I'm feeling sad, but really, I'm mad.” So it doesn't necessarily mean you need to go express it and hurt your relationship, it's more feeling it for yourself and accepting the feeling.

L: Yeah. Well, the problem is, is that we can express it, but most people haven't learned how to communicate in the healthy way with themselves or with others. And so it… you know, it's hard to express such sensitive topics, and especially when our emotions are riled up, you know, we can learn how to have the communication and conversations when we're not like triggered and really on fire, but still have the uncomfortable conversations from a place of integrity and compassion and empathy and love for the person and for ourselves. That's what emotional maturity is really about and that's why we do our self-work. This is why when a person says, “I don't have time for this,” then they're essentially saying, “I don't have time for a relationship. I don't have time for my marriage. I don't have time for my children. I don't have time for my job. I don't have time for anything,” because they don't have time to take care of themselves and get to this place of a healthy emotional, you know, maturity and processing, then they don't have time to respect or honor that within another relationship either. So it's really critical. And I'm not saying become so self-absorbed; you know, in this world of self-help, you know, it can kind of fall towards that way, and that's not right either. But it is a balance; it's carving in that time for the self; knowing that you're doing so for the other.

J: So would you say that as women get more connected to how they're feeling, that they will have healthier relationships?

L: Yes, of course, definitely, 100%.

J: So how does that play out? Let's say someone's just resentful about a common theme is, “Hmm, my spouse doesn't help around the house. I'm just really mad about that,” and there's years of this resentment build-up.

L: Mm-hmm.

J: And a woman sits and takes the 5 minute self-care chunks, like you talked about, and then starts to take quiet moments where she feels her emotions.

L: Mm-hmm.

J: She's like, “You know, I'm really upset about this,” what would the communication look like for that next step, for example?

L: Well, yeah, every relationship is so different. And, you know, what I find is, we often find relationships to help us process the experience that we learned growing up. So there's probably no doubt that we're recreating some aspect of either our parent relationships together or to us or just a general sense of how we felt when we were, you know, developing. So there's that aspect of it. The next thing that I would say is, you know, when we come to a place of ownership for self, we realize someone else's actions are their responsibility. Women in particular, because we're caretakers, we get into ‘fix-it mode’ and we want to change and help and tell and make better for everyone; and maybe it's all coming from a good place, but it also can get really into a control place. We also have to recognize, we are making our own decisions. You know, some people don't believe in divorce, some people, you know, want to hang in there for the kids or whatever. If you're in a miserable situation and it's stemming from something like, you know, a repetitive issue that you're stewing over for years or so forth, that's work that that person needs to do. They cannot change or fix their partner. It's not their job and it's not their right.

J: Mm-hmm.

L: They have to work with what their experience is. And, you know, if they can have healthy communication with that integrity and so forth and if their spouse does not care or is incapable, then the person (in this case, we're talking about the woman) has to choose, “Can I accept this person as they are or can I not accept this person as they are?” Unfortunately, this is where the resentment comes in. We don't want to let go and… of our stuff. You know, I talked about not letting go of the emotional aspect of where we are and that same kind of… it's almost like it does a 180 within ourselves. We hold on so tight to… I don't want to call it control, like almost like what we deserve or expectations of another, where we don't want to deal with what it takes to find that acceptance or space for the other person.

J: Mmm, I love that.

L: It does ultimately come down to a fact of control in a sense.

J: Yeah.

L: So, you know, it's our job, yes, to have healthy communication, to know what our expectations are, why we're having those expectations, “Are the expectations realistic?” and, “Can the other person fulfill or satisfy,” you know, “what my expectation is? And if not, what am I going to do about it?” We cannot put any kind of fix on another person to fix our experience, period. And that's a really hard pill to swallow, but it's true. You know, and I do it to. You know, I… like with my boyfriend, I… I go into my child self, you know, and I even… subconsciously, and I'm like, “Make me feel better right now,” you know, “You not doing this is somehow offending me.”

J: Mm-hmm.

L: And… you know, and it's like, “Hold on a second, he's doing this for his reasons that have nothing to do with me, whether it's cleaning up or not cleaning up or, you know, whatever the thing is,” and I have to look at that. Like, “What am I expecting of this person in my life?” you know, “Where's that boundary?”

J: Yeah. And then coming back to, “Can I accept exactly what they're doing and still be happy, yes or no?”

L: Mm-hmm, yeah.

J: All back on yourself, yeah.

L: Right, and, “Why is your happiness dependent at all on somebody else?”

J: Ooh.

L: You know?

J: Yeah.

L: I mean, it's… you know, that's… that's another big one. And, you know, believe me, I'm super sensitive. I do energy healing and work around a lot of that kind of thing, so I am very sensitive and intuitive and I… empathic and I feel things, and it can be hard if someone you're with is depressed or someone that you're with is angry or someone that you're with is just negative all the time. However, you know, if we check in with ourselves and do that regular check-in stuff, just like we're absorbing them, they're absorbing us, you know?

J: Mm-hmm.

L: And if we are just falling into and not having our boundaries and not pulling forward our strength and living how we want to live, how can… you know, we're not making a positive impact there either. So, you know, it really does keep going back to… you know, obviously, we want to have compassion and care and do what we can for those that we love, but we need to come from a place of strength and not a defensive, weak place of, “You fix me, you help me,” you know, “Don't hurt me. Don't do this to me. Please do that for me.” It needs to come from, you know, “Here's what I'm doing and I see what your good and bad at, and here's how maybe we can work together,” you know?

J: Yes. Oh, I love that. And I always say, energetically, women are like the Sun because women have this massive emotional and energetic capacity; now, it's a stereotype, but generally speaking, it seems to be true. And as we heal ourselves, like you're talking about, yeah, everyone around us shifts just like the planets around the Sun and things will shift.

L: Mm-hmm.

J: And so…

L: Right.

J: Yeah, just instead of wishing everyone should change around you, just tapping in to exactly what you said, Leah, tapping into our own energetic ability and the peace right inside of us; I love that.

L: Yeah. Every time you we go into the, “You're doing this; you, you, you, you, you,” that's pointing a finger. (Laughs)

J: Uh-huh.

L: And, you know, maybe we could stop for a moment and think about, “What am I doing?

J: Right.

L: You know.

J: “What am I bringing to this?”

L: Mm-hmm.

J: Exactly; I love that. Well, let's take a quick break for our sponsor and then we'll come back and talk about a few of your favorite things.

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(Interview resumes) [27:46]

J: Alright, welcome back. Leah, we would love to hear about your morning routine. You mentioned some of it; you know, out on the porch or having this check-in moments. But what does your morning routine look like to really strengthen your energy and come from a good place to face your day?

L: Well, I make a little more time for myself in the morning now; I used to just get up in a rush, and I hate that. So I've carved out, you know, a pretty good chunk of time. But it doesn't take that much time. I mean, anyone can do 10 minutes, you know, I feel like. And I wake up and the first thing I do when I wake up is I have a conscious thought, and this is where mindfulness can start. You know, it doesn't have to be a 5, 10, 20 minute meditation, I start with a conscious thought and I say, “God, thank you for today. Just thank you.”

J: Mm-hmm.

L: You know, “It's a new day, thank you for today,” I'm awake; and the conscious awareness of being alive. It sounds really simple and small, but it starts me on, you know, a mindset of, “And here I go,” you know, instead of just, “Wah!” and getting out of control. Then I usually have a lemon water, room temperature water with lemon, to help kind of just spark my liver and detoxify my body. I do a cranberry extract with a vitamin C powder drink after that, and then I go do my mindful yoga routine, which is between 5 to 10 minutes, I try to do 10 Sun Salutations and just some movement in that. And sometimes after that, if I have time, I will sit for a few minutes and close my eyes and be still. But oftentimes, I don't have time for that either. So I incorporate that into the movement, like what I was saying. And then, from that point, I'll usually make a conscious, hopefully healthy, breakfast and, you know, and just start in with my day. So all that just takes… I don't know, you know, it can take 10 to 20 minutes in the morning.

J: Yeah.

L: And I've done it in 5 minutes, you know?

J: Mm-hmm.

L: And that's how I start my day.

J: That's awesome and it sounds empowering. And I love that you can condense it without feeling guilty, “Oh my gosh, I didn't spend 10 minutes on this; I've failed,” no. (Laughs)

L: Right.

J: Just do what you can.

L: And if I can't even do it in the day, I tell myself, it's another conscious thought… like if I can't do my yoga and meditation, I tell myself, “I'll do this at lunchtime,” or, “I can do this later today.” Even if it's just bending over, you know, for me, just the bending over it's like… it's movement, it's surrendering, it's just being with my body for a minute getting grounded and just bending over; and I try to at least do that. You know, it can be anything that's simple to get into your body.

J: Mmm, yes; I love this. Well, what's a favorite easy meal that you might enjoy on a typical day?

L: Oh my gosh. Yeah, I don't love to cook. I love to eat a healthy organic food and so forth, and I'm gluten free some kind of a pain. But I don't love to cook, so I often do this brown rice or rice and sauteed vegetables and some nuts and just kind of a rice bowl mix.

J: Mm-hmm.

L: So I do like raw spinach, hot rice, hot veggies. Sometimes, I'll top it off with like a goat cheese or something.

J: Yum!

L: And, you know, sprinkle of chopped pecans and olive oil dressing or, you know, really yummy healthy dressing on it, and that's what I have regularly for dinner. (Laughs). Just because it's so easy and it's fast, you know?

J: Yeah! Well, so do you make homemade dressings or do you have a brand of dressing you recommend?

L: No. You know what? If you're near a Trader Joe's, they have these new homemade dressings. They're not cheap but they're like $4 or $5, they're in a square bottle in the refrigerated section. And there's 3 different ones; there's like a carrot ginger, there's a green goddess and then another one. There's no preservatives, there's no anything in them. There's just… this like pureed, you know, herbs and veggies.

J: Oh, yum.

L: Delicious. They're my new favorite go-to dressing now. Otherwise, I just do olive oil and lemon juice, you know?

J: Yeah, exactly. I'm so going to Trader Joe's. We have a salad dressing recipe that we make a lot; vinegar, olive oil, garlic, and salt. But sometimes, I just don't feel like making it. But…(Laughs)

L: I know, I know, I don't either.


L: I mean, I love all that stuff, I really do and I have the tahini and that, you know, everything. I can whip up something on a… if I had to, but it's just…. I don't know. I… Trader Joe’s isn't the best for everything, but they have come out with some new fresh stuff that is really great. So I would definitely recommend those dressings.

J: Yum! Thank you. So we talked a lot about connecting to self and feeling our emotions and knowing what's going on there. What are some strategies for you to connect with other people and to strengthen those relationships; favorite ways?

L: Yeah, that's a really good point. I like to start with real simple grounded ways because I feel like, if you go too far, it overwhelms people. But, you know, when you're connecting with a person, you can go through it or what you can recognize in yourself, you may go the whole day or a week without really touching a person.

J: Mm-hmm.

L: And so I like to recommend for a person to take their whole palm of their hand and, with real intention and mindfulness, place it on a person, on their shoulder, on their face, on their hand, on their back, wherever, and just like literally every centimeter of your palm, feeling your hand on that person.

J: Mm-hmm.

L: It's amazing when you do that how connected you can become to a person. So many times, we do a quick hug, people don't even touch each other when they hug anymore, they don't hold hands, we just maybe will briefly nudge a person or something. But if you can put your whole palm on someone's body somehow in a safe, gentle way and feel that and let them feel that, it is really powerful.

J: Hmm.

L: And obviously, you know, looking in someone's eyes.

J: Oh, yes, I was hoping you'd say that. (Laughs)

L: Yeah. I mean, you know, we look very briefly. But if we can maintain eye contact with someone, you know, it's a very intimate thing to do; and it's challenging. Sometimes it's the most challenging with our own family, and I know that for a fact. (Laughs)

J: Yeah, I heard a study where they had people looking in each other's eyes for I think a minute and then they had them share how they felt.

L: Yeah.

J: I don't know, something in New York City… did I see it on Facebook? But it was amazing the results this had. So maybe I'll link to that in the show notes; that's great.

L: Yeah, yeah.

J: So what's your favorite book aside from your book the, ‘fearless path’; which is awesome?

L: (Laughs)

J: Everyone definitely needs to grab that. But what do you like to read in your spare time, Leah?

L: Oh, goodness, sometimes I read, you know, other colleagues or like-minded people. There's a good book I've been reading called ‘Women Who Love Too Much’, which I would recommend for anyone that's in a relationship that feels somehow off kilter or if they recognize difficult patterns and themselves. And then other times I like to read just really, you know, I don't know, whimsical and fantastical books that are just totally nonfiction. And I can't… you know, I'm terrible with titles, but I read what's popular at times.

J: Yeah.

L: But I really am terrible with titles. So…


L: Sorry, that's a hard question for me to answer. (Laughs)

J: No, that’s great, no. ‘Women Who Love Too Much’, we’ll link to that on her show notes page. And what's the best advice you've ever received?

L: Mmm, well, I think when I was in my healing crisis, it was the inner child work; learning how to communicate with that inner child of ours. And I do a lot of that work with clients as well now. We all have a wounded self.

J: Mm-hmm.

L: You know, a wounded child; it's just inevitable. Even if the wound feels small or very deep, it doesn't matter. And I think the advice is to… to recognize that we are the same person and we are different, and that we can be an adult, maturing, developing self; and also still pay attention and nurture that wounded inner child. I think when we can understand that it's really life changing.

J: I agree. It's all still wired in the brain. That's what's crazy.

L: Mm-hmm.

J: Even though it was 30, 40 years ago, whatever, it's all still there, and the emotions play out the same.

L: Yeah.

J: So really briefly, what does inner child work look like or mean; for those who aren't familiar with it?

L: Well, it means something different to me a little bit than what psychologists, I think, do or therapists do. But, for me, it's… it's finding the place or the time or a memory when we were younger that felt; where we first noticed our first wound. You know, whether it's feeling embarrassed or belittled or abandoned or lost or whatever it was. And usually there's a developmental stunt that starts to happening from that point forward, and where we can look back and have compassion and full empathy on our little child, and also recognize that, that child can develop and love and have a healthier growth, but we have to help that little child. So it's really redeveloping and re-parenting ourselves in a new loving way.

J: Yeah, so like imagining your younger self and just reaching out with love and compassion; kind of like that?

L: Yeah. I mean, that's, you know, a good way to say it, but it's, you know, it's a deeper process for sure; and depending on the person's experience, they can go really deep, you know?

J: Right.

L: But, yeah, it starts there. You know, sometimes just starts by remembering and, you know, putting kind of connecting the dots between there and here and, you know, how things feel and so forth. But it can be really powerful work. Some therapists to kind of go back and just fixate on that pain or that wound or the…

J: Right.

L: … you know, the parent-child issue and so forth. But I really like to focus on re-developments, like finding that place and then…

J: Moving forward.

L: … working towards moving forward; yeah.

J: Oh yeah.

L: And maturing.

J: Yeah. A lot of people think, “Oh my gosh, that happened, I'm ruined forever,” but I love your approach.

L: Mm-hmm.

J: And I agree, there's so much growth just always happening.

L: Yeah.

J: Awesome. Well, if people want to learn more about you and everything you do to help heal hearts and heal lives, where can they go?

L: Well, my website is a good place, leahguy.com; L-E-A-H-G-U-Y.. But also, I wanted to mention I'm starting a new group on Facebook and I've set it up, but I haven't invited anyone yet. And it's called ‘The Fearless Woman’.

J: Ooh.

L: And it will be a support group for all women of any age that I will lead. It is $6 a month, but that's really just to cover the the… time, because I'm looking at this as a job for people.

J: Mm-hmm.

L: And there will be video there and lessons there and conversation and topics, discussion, meditations on everything from self-image issue to parenting to food and nutrition to healing from assault to relationship, you know, rescue and…

J: Uh-huh.

L: … all kinds of fantastic things. So there will be regular posts and discussions all month long, and anybody is welcome to participate there. So…

J: Nice.

L: That will be starting next week when I get back from Florida; I will be focused on that group and really leading that. Also, if someone's really struggling with fear-anxiety, I just developed a course for the DailyOM, it's called ‘21 days from fear to freedom’, and you can do that in as little as 10 bucks or 25 bucks (I forget what it is) and it's 21 days of leading you through. You'll get something in your email every day and videos and meditations about working through kind of essentially like through the book. But I'm working through finding where your fear and your root issues are to help you overcome that. So…

J: Hmm, that sounds amazing. And we will have links for all of those things on our show notes page, jenriday.com/98. And, Leah, what does it mean for you to be a vibrant happy woman?

L: It means, for me, to be real and authentic; and I work on that every day. It's… I don't think a superficial form of happiness is available every moment; that's not realistic. But I think real happiness is being in my life and being real with that and watching it while it's happening and being an observer as well, as participator. And I really find such joy in my work, and just being alive, it's a miracle; you know, it's a miracle.

J: Mm-hmm.

L: And so it's the simple moment where I can stop. And that's why I encourage people just to stop for a minute and to look and to feel and to see. And that is… you know, there's just an enormous amount of vibrancy in every moment.

J: Yes, ooh, I love that. Well, let's have a challenge from you to our listeners and then we'll say goodbye.

L: Okay. Well, if you don't do my course, then I’ll challenge you to 21 days of fearlessness. Just for the next 21 days… actually, we have almost 21 days left in January; I don't know when this will air. But take a 21 day challenge. You can change a habit in 21 days; so whatever the challenge is, maybe not eating dairy, maybe taking the 5 minutes in the morning, maybe doing a yoga pose bending over, and introducing something new into your life, that'll be the challenge.

J: I love it; 21 days, perfect. Well, Leah, this has been fantastic. I love everything you shared and thank you so much for being on the show.

L: Thank you.

J: Thank you so much for joining us. I loved everything Leah had to say and I really concur that it starts with taking care of yourself. I don’t know if you heard my episode, episode happy 89 (so it was a happy bit) all about how I learned to love myself; my story. Because, many years ago, I was burnt out at a rock bottom in victim mode, thinking I could never be happy, I would never get to do what I wanted, and I would always be taking care of everyone else and never myself. And I made a journey of self-love. And I talked about on that episode, you can find it at jenriday.com/happy89. Most of you have said that's one of your favorite episodes; thank you so much, that touches my heart. Also, I want to let you know that ‘Time Mastery For Women’, my complete A-Z system for learning what you're passionate about, figuring out what legacy you want to leave, and making time to do it, even if you're a busy mom, that program is closing soon. So if you want to learn more, go to timemasteryforwomen.com.

Also, please, if you got any value from this episode, if you felt uplifted, if you felt motivated or inspired, take a moment now and copy and paste the link, jenriday.com/98, drop it in an email to 10 friends. It is my goal and my purpose in life to help spread this light of the Vibrant Happy Women movement; that we can be happy, that we can love ourselves, that we can find joy, and we can let that healing of our own hearts spread and heal the hearts of those around us. So, again, share that link, jenriday.com/98, it will link up directly to this episode, and hopefully your friends will get some value out of it. I will be back on Thursday with a happy bit and also next week with a full episode. I'll be talking with Leyla Salvade all about connecting to the intelligence of our hearts; our intuition, that energetic space. We spend so much time in our intellect with the 4 senses, but when we tap into that intuitive sense and that hard centered space, things can really begin to shift, and you're going to love that episode. So I will see you next week, I hope to see you Thursday for a happy bit, and I hope you are taking good care of yourself, healing your hearts and being the brightest light you can be. Thank you so much for being here and I will see you next time. Take care.

Outro: Thanks for listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast at www.jenriday.com.