119: Deconstructing Divorce (with Sally Boyle)
All marriages can be hard at times, but sometimes a relationship becomes completely unhealthy. How do you know if your relationship needs to end? And if you do decide to end things, how do you let go of resentment and make your separation or divorce as positive as it can be for everyone involved?
What You'll Learn in this Episode:
- Begin to better understand and deal with the natural emotions of divorce,
- Learn how to determine what you need, financially, and personally, so you can better negotiate agreements that work for you and your family,
- Retain decision-making control around your children’s future,
- Understand mediation, Collaborative Divorce, and litigation options,
- Learn how to better prepare for court if you can’t avoid it,
- Develop a strategy for dealing with high-conflict personalities,
- Understand the benefits of trial and legal separations.
Nuggets of Wisdom from Sally:
“Call the attorney last. Know what you want to do first. You should be aware of your options, in terms of divorce. There are multiple ways to get divorced… mediation, arbitrator, kitchen table, and collaborative divorce – hash it out, then litigation as the last resort. Some attorneys have a litigation bias.”
“There is a lot of stigma around divorce. We feel like we are failures if we consider divorce. We failed at our relationships, we failed our family but the reality is, in my experience, we are married for an awfully long time. Rather than blaming ourselves or shaming ourselves at all, I think if we've given our marriage a really fair shot, we’ve communicated to the best of our ability, we have maybe even started some family counseling, I think we should be able to forgive ourselves. As my friend said, we completely replicate every seven years. We are completely different people every seven years. Maybe we should just be a little light-hearted about considering divorce because it’s not a failure. It’s a recognition that two mature people have just grown apart. Your visions with regard to your life and family are no longer the same and it’s OK to acknowledge that so you can live your life in a way that is more consistent with your inner being.”
“It’s not easy, but it’s really worth it to find that place where some level of forgiveness can be. We’ve all had people that we need to forgive, not just our spouses. It’s going to be important to you for the rest of your life.”
What does it mean to be a Vibrant Happy Woman?
“I have seen so many women leave a marriage and become some of the most full-forced women I have even known. In fact, they would have probably not had the space, the emotional distance to be able to become the women that I have gotten to know after their divorce. It takes years, don’t misunderstand me, it doesn’t happen in two weeks. It takes you a while to get your feet underneath you, but I really believe that sometimes a divorce allows us to be those vibrant, beautiful women we really intended to be.”
A Challenge from Sally:
“When considering divorce, just really be true to yourself. If you are divorcing, do it comfortably, confidently, and calmly.”
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Jen Riday is a mom of 6 and life coach who loves to help women experience massive happiness as they let go of stress, sadness or other chronic emotions of negativity.
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