312: Developing Confidence (with Shannon Cubby)
Can you imagine being six foot one in middle school? This was the experience for my guest this week, where there were just two people in the entire school that were taller than her. No wonder she felt self-conscious, right?
Shannon Cubby found herself towering over a sea of heads in the corridors of junior high, and would try to make herself smaller due to how difficult she found it. But developing confidence enabled her to find all those good things on the other side of her fear of standing out, and she joins us to share her story this week.
Join us this week and hear how Shannon learned to develop her confidence and her tips to help others do the same. Shannon shares how she realized she can overcome anything she sets her mind to, and how the choices she made to choose confidence enabled her to go forward in life as a new coach, a mom, and somebody who makes the world a better place.
If you want support working towards your goals from myself and other like-minded women, you have to join us inside the Vibrant Happy Women Club. It’s only $47 per month, but if you buy the annual membership you get two months free!
What You’ll Learn:
- The awesome solution Shannon's mom found to help her develop confidence.
- How everything you want is always on the other side of fear.
- Shannon’s reservations around life coaching as a career and how she overcame them.
- How to develop the confidence to show up as your authentic self.
- Some of the struggles women in business have to overcome and how having a coach can help with it.
- How Shannon kept moving forward developing confidence in her life.
- What is truly at the foundation of confidence.
- Shannon’s tips for managing time and getting things done.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Follow Jen: Instagram | Facebook | Email
- Follow Shannon Cubby: Website | Email | Instagram
- Email me what you find on the other side of your fears!
- Becoming a Master Student Paperback by Dave Ellis
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Full Episode Transcript:
You’re listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast. I’m Dr. Jen Riday and on this episode I’ll be talking with a guest about developing confidence, finding all those good things that are on the other side of fear. Stay tuned.
Hi, I'm Jen Riday. This podcast is for women who want to feel more vibrant, happy, aligned, and alive. You'll gain the emotional, physical, and spiritual tools you need to get your sparkle back and ensure that depression, anxiety, and struggle don't rule your life. Welcome to the Vibrant Happy Women Podcast.
Hey, my friends, I am recording this with a big giant pile of snow outside and a snow plow is pushing said pile around so you may hear scraping and noise. And I decided to keep recording because I’m authentic. I keep it real. Anyway, I am excited to have a fun guest on today, Shannon Cubby who I met through the Vibrant Happy Women coach certification. Shannon is 6’1 and has an interesting and unique series of small but also big stories of how she learned to be confident.
Shannon is not an author or a huge influencer yet. But she has cool, down to earth, real life stories that I loved, and I knew I wanted to have her on to talk about them. Can you imagine being 6’1 in middle school, in junior high? Shannon was. There were only two people taller than her in the entire school and she started to feel self-conscious. Luckily, her mom caught on to this problem and found a very unique and awesome solution.
So, as you listen to this episode keep in mind and notice what Shannon did, how she took leaps past her fears that ultimately helped her to realize she could do anything, that she can overcome anything. And that is the foundation of confidence. So, I think you’re going to love this. Let’s go ahead and dive into this interview.
Jen: Hey, everyone, I am here with Shannon Cubby. And she is going to talk to us today about confidence and how she had to make choices in her life to be confident, to choose confidence. And how she’s using that to go forward as a new coach, as a mom, doing things to make the world a better place. So, welcome, Shannon, and I’ll go ahead and let you introduce yourself.
Shannon: Hi. Thank you. Thanks for having me. My name is Shannon Cubby and I’m a new Vibrant Happy Women certified life coach. I work with professional women who know they want more but feel stuck in the struggle between work and home life. I have a business degree from California State, Long Beach. And I’m a certified paralegal. And I’ve worked in the health insurance and life insurance industry for 20 years. So, I definitely understand the struggles of working women.
I’m from Southern California but I live in Florida now, I live with my husband, and my two girls, and my doggy, Chester.
Jen: Good name, my dad’s nickname is Chester.
Shannon: How funny.
Jen: So, I’m jealous. You’ve lived in two beach states, how fun is that, California and Florida? How are they the same? How are they different for you?
Shannon: Florida has mosquitoes and California does not. California has more traffic though. But it’s funny, I grew up just between the beach and Disneyland. And now I live right down the street from the beach and just an hour or so away from Disney World. So, it really for me isn’t that different. I love it.
Jen: That’s really fun.
Shannon: I know.
Jen: Awesome. So, Shannon, you’re going to share a story of middle school. And we’re all already cringing because we remember middle school. I’ll leave it right there. Tell us that story you were going to tell us and how it led to you choosing confidence?
Shannon: So, I was in junior high school and actually just the summer before junior high school I had terrible growing pains and realized I was growing really fast. And my mom is 5’11 so I knew I would probably be pretty tall. All of a sudden I was 6’ and then I kept growing, I was 6’1.
Jen: Middle school?
Shannon: In junior high school, yes, in middle school.
Shannon: Yes. I know, it was terrible. So, there were two other people in the entire school taller than me and that was a reading teacher and a counselor.
Jen: Oh, my goodness.
Shannon: I know. I mean I towered over the entire hallway, the sea of heads that you see in between classes. I could see all the way down to the end. It was really hard, it was hard in lots of ways. It was hard with friends, everybody was down here and so to hear their little secret conversations you had to crouch down. And so, I definitely started doing a lot of slouching and trying to make myself smaller. Junior high school is hard anyway. And then you add that to it where you stand out, literally it was so difficult.
Clothes were hard. My mom, thank goodness, she’s a seamstress. She’s a fantastic seamstress and she altered just about everything I wore because all of it was too short. It was really hard. I’d have to wear men’s pants sometimes, thank goodness for Levi jeans, they saved me. So, it was just, it was really hard. I felt different and that was tough. But my mom noticed that I was slouching and I’m a pretty outgoing person. And she saw me sort of withdrawing. Through a friend of a friend, she signed me up for modeling school.
And more than anything it made me learn how to carry everything, all of the surround, I mean it’s a lot to carry around. To carry it not only not trip over my own feet but also carry it with confidence and grace. There were other girls there and other women that were walking and standing straight, and their backs rigid. And they were walking like they were proud of it. And it was such an incredible thing to have modeled for me literally by some models. It was not the best lifestyle to be a model, but it was so good for me as a kid to see, no, this could be great, this can be great.
And it also gave me a love of fashion, that’s where I started just really loving different styles and how different trends that are out there can be fun but not everything is meant for you, try different things, be creative. And by the end of eighth grade, I definitely was back to normal Shannon, and outgoing. And I was voted best dressed and I was pretty proud of that because it was really hard for me to find clothes.
I couldn’t go to the store and buy just anything off the rack. It was too high waisted so that meant it was too short, the shorts were too short, and the skirts were too short. And it was terrible. So, thank goodness my mom knew and paid attention to my struggles which was terrific and really helped guide me there, was great.
Jen: That’s amazing by the end of eighth grade to be that tall and to be confident enough to pull off probably unique fashion. So, your mom also was great because she could sew, I’m guessing.
Shannon: Yes. And she taught me how. And so, I would go with her to the fabric store, and I would pick out different patterns to make. And I could pick out the fabric to use. And I would make cool things, things that I saw other people wearing that I just didn’t see, or I would alter things as well. But I mean just so much fun making patterns and coming up with these cool ideas and it was so fun, I loved it, and doing it with my mom was just cool.
Jen: That’s really, really a great story. Eighth grade is so awkward anyway. And I can imagine you towering with that confidence. I have a friend who she’s 6’, I’m 5’11. And when I first met her she had on five inch heels and she [crosstalk], “I just love towering above everyone.” And I thought, she’s so cool. Whereas I’m tall and I’ve always kind of avoided heels.
Shannon: I used to, I used to wear heels when I was younger. And I realized in my 30s that it just wasn’t worth it. Heels just hurt too much, I don’t need to. And there’s so many cute flats these days that I just have tons of cute flats. So, I don’t wear them anymore.
Jen: Yeah. So, you came through high school, keep us going with this confidence theme because I think it’s important to think back. We’re all kind of reliving our junior high and high school years with you thinking about all those awkward moments. How did you keep moving forward and developing that confidence?
Shannon: Modeling helped a lot. And then when I got into high school I found sports. Sports, it was confidence in a different way because I was never I felt like a real athletic or sporty person, but I could put that on. I mean I was tall, and they said, “We need you on the volleyball team, or the basketball team.” And I said, “No, let’s do it.” And it was so good for me. It was good for me to challenge myself and something that felt uncomfortable. I gave it a try. And it’s not like everybody goes into playing basketball knowing what to do, everyone has to be coached.
So, I wasn’t the only one that had no idea what I was doing. So luckily the coaches were great, and they taught me some cool moves. I learned how to do a skyhook.
Jen: Yeah, I did that too.
Shannon: I had so much fun playing sports in high school. And some of my best memories, my best friends to this day I made on those teams. It was just, it was definitely not something I would have chosen for myself, I would have seen myself doing. I really was picked out because I was tall and they’ve said, “Hey you, come over here and play.” And it was terrific. It kept me involved in school and part of what was going on there and it was great.
Jen: You said two important things. Everyone can be coached, everyone needs to be coached. And then something to the effect of, I put myself out there. Kind of like if you apply those two phrases through life it can really go far. But sports are interesting because it’s scarier doing this all in front of a crowd. If you think about the amount of confidence it takes to play sports publicly, thank heavens we have cheerleaders and crowds cheering us on. And I think there’s an energy that can propel us to do this quite scary thing.
But I feel the same energy and choices to get out of the comfort zone, to allow ourselves to learn can keep applying as we get out of that comfort zone as adults too. So, I know you got to the end of high school, and you weren’t sure about college. Tell us that funny story.
Shannon: Yeah. So, I never thought that I was very smart. I mean I knew I was fine, but I wasn’t smart. So, I just never thought of myself as the person that was going to go to college. I figured I would do something else.
Jen: Where did that come from?
Shannon: I don’t know. Nobody seemed to push me toward college. It seems these days most kids are, you know, that’s a given. You’re going to go to college. And I don’t know, when I was growing up, my parents just didn’t expect that of us. My parents really were very laid back, very cool, kind of whatever feels right for you. And I totally support you, whatever you decide to do, we are in.
Jen: That’s cool, yeah.
Shannon: That was, that was terrific. But I was never pushed, which you think about it, it would have been nice to be pushed, to be challenged a bit. I was working for a doctor and his wife right after high school. And we talked about college one day. And they said, “Well, what do you mean, you don’t think you’re going to go to college? Why wouldn’t you go to college?” And I said, “Well, I’m just not the smart one in my family. That’s my sister, she’s the smart one. Just that’s not really expected of me.”
And they challenged me on that. And they said, “Here, take these aptitude tests and we’ll tell you. We will let you know if you should go to college.” And so, he put me in his office and closed the door and I took these tests. And I remember thinking, these are kind of easy. I mean this is going well. Afterward I gave them to him, and he scored everything and came back to me, and he said, “No, definitely you should go to college. You’re smart enough. You’re actually really smart. These tests say so.”
I completely believed him. I bought into all of it whether it was real or not. I said, “Okay, I’m in, let’s do it.”
Shannon: I know. And I had no idea what to do. And they told me, “You go to admissions.” They told me what to do. I just was really, I had no idea. And that was another time where I felt really nervous. It’s not something I would have done on my own but with just a little bit of coaching, a little bit of just guidance in that direction. I mean I never looked back. It was the best choice I ever made. I mean I took a class that I recommend for any kiddo that’s going into college, it’s called, at least where I took it, it was called college 101. The book is called Becoming a Master Student.
And it was fantastic. It taught me how to study. And that’s all I needed was a blueprint, my brain, that’s how it works. I needed a blueprint. I needed steps. I needed to know how to do it. As soon as I took this class, I am not kidding you, I aced most of my classes after that. It’s just like the light bulb went on and my brain knew what to do. And I said, “Okay, give me the next one, give me the next one. I can do it.” And I got a business degree, then went on and got my paralegal certification.
And I completely aced that, and I’ve always gotten really great jobs because of all the hard work I did, but I would have never, I really would have never done, I never saw myself doing that.
Jen: That’s really cool progression. I mean modeling, who would try that? You learned the confidence. Then you go out for sports when you’d never played before in high school, and you learned like you said. And then the college, you had no idea how to go to college. Yet you always kind of had these opportunities that presented themselves. You weren’t looking for any of those. What an analogy for life I feel like because we have a million opportunities that come to us. I think that’s where you took a step and you listened, you were coachable, yeah, that’s it.
Shannon: I have realized that, and it was actually that doctor that I worked for, his wife. She taught me everything is figure out-able, everything. You can figure out just about anything. And as soon as I saw it, you’re right, it did click. It seemed like this was the right thing to do. This is the way I should be. This feels right. When I was going through all of that and I felt that doubt, it didn’t feel good. And I mean you know me, I’m an eternal optimist. I don’t like not feeling good.
So, the fact that it felt icky to slouch and to be kind of quiet, I didn’t like that. That didn’t feel natural to me. And then when I decided I could be these girls. I could be just like these people. There’s nothing different from them and me. I could definitely be that. And so, I tried it on and sure enough it fit, and it felt great. And so, from then on I knew, yes, this is me, this is part of me, this is who I’m supposed to be is this person that can carry all this 6’1 and feel confident about it. And I think that probably did help me with sports too because it really was scary, a lot of it was scary.
And I would feel my knees buckling sometimes when I first ran out on the court and just nervous about the game. But I think you have said, everything you want is on the other side of fear. But so many times we stop at fear and just go past it a little further. I don’t like feeling fear. I don’t like any of those feelings but it’s just like what an amazing feeling to challenge yourself. And then you realize that’s awesome, that’s definitely part of my story. That should have been part of my story all along.
Jen: Wow, that’s good. So, you eventually did something else unique. You became a newscaster?
Shannon: No, I wanted to. That’s what I thought I was going to be. I really, you know, when I was thinking about what I wanted to be, I thought, I want to be Murphy Brown, that show back in the 80s. I thought she was so great. That looked like the best career, I just thought that was really cool. I had no idea that those people, they have degrees. They go to college. I thought you just went there and talked.
Jen: Okay. So, you were just going to go take another leap, I’m going to be a newscaster. So, you were ready, that is optimistic. I really love that about you.
Shannon: Yeah. And I grew up in Orange County, California down the street from LA, from Hollywood. And I mean really in my mind I thought I could just go there. And I’ve driven down the freeway where you see the, you know, here’s where the studio is for whatever, CBS, or ABC, or whatever it is. And just I don’t know why in my brain I feel I could just walk in and say, “Hey, I wanted to try out for this thing.” I thought it sounded cool. And in my mind that seemed feasible.
Jen: That’s the little piece we need to analyze because our listeners want that confidence. So, let’s dissect, what do you think through this progression, what was in your brain that made you think, I can be just as good as anyone else at this, can you remember your thoughts?
Shannon: I really think it was trying something scary and realizing that I was fine. It wasn’t horrible. You feel a little bit of fear, but it doesn’t hurt you. And once you overcome that you get this confidence that ooh. So even if I go there and I walk in and I say, “Hey, I want to try out for this.” If they say no, that’s okay because that doesn’t hurt either. Maybe it’s a bummer but it’s none of these things are going to hurt you, it’s just this feeling that feels a little scary but that’s it. And what happens if they say yes?
I mean I really think it was just doing some scary things a couple of times and realizing that the outcome was really cool.
Jen: Yeah, this is so fun. It’s triggered a memory that I forgot. So, I think the very first scary thing I did, we had a fire prevention poster contest in our state. And I would still remember the picture, I might still have it. I drew pioneers in a covered wagon on the poster. And I have no idea what the slogan was but something about fire prevention. And they loved it enough because the pioneers did travel through Iowa, the state I was from. And so, I had to report to this fancy dinner in sixth grade. And I had to be on the radio, and I was sick to my stomach. But I remember doing it anyway.
And there’s this bit of thrill when you’ve done something that scared you. Do you find that to be true? Hey, I did that. And then it does become a progression. Every time you challenge yourself you’re like, “I’m starting to see I’m really good at everything I try.” That’s a belief I have now, as arrogant as it could sound. I can learn almost anything. I truly believe it. But like you said, it’s born on past experience, so do you feel the same?
Shannon: Well, yes. And I don’t think it’s arrogant. I think it’s confidence that lets you get past the fear. It’s just a thought that helps you feel like maybe you’re not super good at whatever it is that you try. But just the thought that you might be will allow you to try it. And who knows, you might be. Yeah, there are lots of things that still scare me, but I will try things.
Jen: Give us some examples, yes, please.
Shannon: One example is ziplining and repelling down a rope that was way up high in the jungle. But ziplining was something, and this was in a jungle, and it was up really high. This was in Belize. And my husband is a former marine and for him this was like nothing. We were with his best friend from the marine corps and his wife who’s one of my closest friends. And she and I were both like, “I’m not sure but let’s see.” We went to this place in the jungle, deep in the jungle, and Belize is an amazing place to go, but I mean it was up high.
I remember being on the zipline and there was a series of a bunch of them. And I could hear, as you’re going through the jungle you could hear monkeys in the trees making noises. But I mean my heart was racing. And I just thought this is just not something that I should be doing. But at the time and I’ve done this before, I think about a personality, or a persona, or somebody that would do this. And so, I always pictured the Charlie’s Angels and how they do all kinds of cool things.
And I’m just going to put on my Charlie’s Angels outfit. I’m going to put on my cute ziplining clothes and I’m going to go do this thing. And it was amazing. It was incredible. And I would have never, I mean I would have said no, “I’ll be at the pool, come find me when you’re done.” But I am so glad that I did it.
Jen: That is super interesting. So, you were channeling Murphy Brown when you thought about becoming a newscaster and then the Charlie’s Angels. Wow, that’s amazing. So eventually you were a paralegal and then you worked in the corporate world. Tell us how you made that transition.
Shannon: So, I actually worked as a paralegal in the corporate world.
Jen: Got you. Then what then?
Shannon: Yeah. So, I worked as a paralegal for years. And then had the kiddos and was a stay at home mom. And then I did this dance back and forth a couple of times because I felt like a lot of working women, I felt the bit of guilt about being at work when I had kids at home. But I really enjoyed what I was doing so there was a point where I was, “I want to go back to work.” And so, I would do this back and forth thing.
And there were certain times where we were really lucky, and we had some great care for the kiddos. My husband’s mom stayed with us for a couple of years. And it was okay, this is fantastic, and I went back to work for a while. It was actually the last time that I was a stay at home mom, it was 2018. And I remember being at home and it really is hard to go back and forth like that. You really have to change your mindset. It’s hard to go from corporate all the time to at home, and brand new baby, and oh my gosh, how do I do this?
I think that’s one thing that I’ve found with my clients too is they’re used to doing everything really, really well. I can kill this meeting. I can do a great PowerPoint. I can schedule. I can do all of these things at work. And then you become a mom, and nobody has a blueprint for that, it’s just all brand new.
Jen: Yes, it’s interesting. You’ve kind of hit the nail on the head. There’s a blueprint for everything else, sports, college. Where is the manual for the mom role?
Shannon: Oh, my goodness. It was really hard because a big part of my identity was being a great insurance paralegal. I had a hard time with, you have a baby and the baby doesn’t like the formula and so the baby’s crying. These things that you start to feel like you’re failing at this new job that you have. It’s difficult, very difficult to deal with all of that. But everyone figures it out. Everyone works through it and everyone does it in their own way. And so I did and so I was a stay at home mom for about three years, during that time I had two kiddos then my husband’s mom came to stay with us.
And I went back to work and that was also difficult just in a different way. And what’s funny is when I decided, when I put it out in the universe, okay, I think I’m ready to go back to work. The perfect job came to me, and I really believe that when you decide something and you kind of put it out there. You have a clear vision of what your new goal is, things seem to kind of align and it did. This perfect job right down the road. I didn’t have to commute. I mean it was really terrific. My husband’s mom came to stay with us, it was just wonderful.
It all aligned, it was so great, but it was still really hard to go back to work miss your kiddos and that three o’clock cuddle. And what are they doing? And do they miss me? And just all of it. It can be so distracting when you’re trying to work. And that’s something that you also have to work through, that’s definitely something that I wish I had Thought Tables for back then because that would have helped. I was back there for a couple of years, the things changed with Nanna being with us. So, I decided, okay, well, maybe it’s time to be back at home.
And this time when I was back at home I just kept having this thought that I felt I should be doing something else, something more. And it wasn’t paralegal, it was something else. And I couldn’t put my finger on it. And I started listening to podcasts and that’s when I found you. And I was like, “Oh my gosh, this is amazing stuff. This is amazing.” And the more I listened the more I kept thinking, I just kept feeling this pull to coaching. I was just so thankful that I found that. And I listened and listened.
And when it finally hit me that I could actually become a coach, I just had to decide to do it and also get over the thought, because I had actually thought about being – I thought about life coaching and what it maybe was years ago, back years and years ago. I probably heard about it on a talk show or something. I looked up in my area if there were any life coaches and I found one. I wanted to call and say, “What do you do? What is it?” I mean this is so cool. I feel like I’m drawn to this, but I don’t know what it is.
But I just kept having this thought and I had it again in 2018 when I was listening to you. I just kept thinking, it’s not a real career. Paralegal is a career. Life coach, it just didn’t seem, that’s not a real career. When I finally did make the decision I really just feel this, I really feel called to this. And I talked to my husband about it. I thought for sure he was going to say the same thing, “That’s not real, that’s silly.” Not at all. He said, “That’s perfect for you, you absolutely should do this.”
Shannon: I know, I was shocked. I was shocked. And to this day he is my biggest cheerleader. I mean sometimes I’ll hear him on the phone talking to people about what I’m doing, and he just sounds really proud and it’s wonderful. It’s a wonderful thing to hear, it’s great.
Jen: That is amazing. So, you mentioned Thought Tables. So, if you had had a Thought Table at that time, what thoughts would you have needed to take that leap? By the way, why don’t you explain what a Thought Table is in case somebody doesn’t know, I guess. What’s a thought table?
Shannon: Sure. So, a Thought Table is this incredible tool that Jen created, and we all learn about in the certification program where you kind of outline for yourself. You figure out what it is that you’re thinking that’s maybe a problem, if you’re having an issue, you kind of get down to, okay, well, what am I thinking? Or maybe I have a funky feeling. Okay, I have this funky feeling. Well, what’s making me think that funky feeling? So, you decide what the thought is, you write down in this table what the thought is. You write down what the feeling is that it’s giving you.
And you go on this progression from there, if you feel this way then you’re probably acting in a certain way. And then when you act that way, what’s your result? What’s your end result? And what’s really cool about it is that very first piece is the fact. If you take this thought and boil it down to what is just the basic fact about this situation? Like when I was at work, and I was missing my kiddos and I couldn’t stop thinking about my kiddos. Then I would have said my fact was I have kids, or I have a job, depending on which way I wanted to go with it.
And the thought could be, I miss my kids so much. I don’t want to be at work. And the feeling makes me feel sad. And so, you go along from there. Your end result is you’re going to be sad and you’re going to be distracted at work and you’re not going to be getting your work done. And you’re not going to be present at work. And what was funny was at the same time I would go home, I would be at home with the kiddos, and I’d keep thinking about these things about work. And so, I wasn’t present with my kids because I was thinking about…
Jen: Of course, yeah, we all do it.
Shannon: Yes, it’s terrible. In the Thought Table, once you figure out this baseline of what am I thinking and then what am I feeling. Then we up-level, what’s a better thought that I could have about this fact? And the fact doesn’t change. I still have a job, or I have kids. But what’s the thought that I could change about that situation? And maybe it’s, I’m so grateful that I have a great job and I’m so grateful that I have great care at home for my kiddos. And that makes me feel gratitude and lucky, that makes me feel blessed and love.
And when I feel those feelings that makes me take action like I’m grateful for this job, so I’m going to be present in my job. And the result is you do better work and you’re more thoughtful about your work. So, it’s the coolest tool. I love it. I mean I could have used it.
In fact, what’s funny is I thought about my boss that I had right after high school, the doctor. I think that that was kind of like they, in a way, used a Thought Table, where they just presented, maybe try this thought on. They presented a different thought to me about going to college and that completely changed the way I was feeling about it. And that changed the action, I enrolled in school. And then the result was, you know. It’s such a powerful tool.
I really, really like that tool and I use it a lot with my clients on all kinds of things from overwhelm at work, better connections with your family at home. It can be used in so many different ways. It’s a really great tool.
Jen: Awesome. So, before we turned on the recording you were talking about one of your clients you’re working with. How are Thought Tables received by people who are new to them? What’s that like as a coach to teach that?
Shannon: Like a light bulb goes on for them, it really is. And I think most people, unless they’ve listened to your podcast, they don’t know that thoughts create feelings. And sometimes it’s funny, with this client it’s so interesting to see her when she realizes that thought, that’s what’s making me feel this way. And how easy is it to figure out a different thought? It has to come from the heart. It has to come from her. It’s got to really create a feeling to change that action and everything else.
But just walking with them through that process, it’s incredible, it’s great. And I mean the ladies that I work with are businesswomen, they like a tool. Give me the chart. And I’m the same way. I like that type, I like a process. And that’s what that is but it’s just this beautiful process, I love it.
Jen: That’s cool. So, women in business, what are the struggles they’re trying to overcome and how could having a coach help with that? Why is that helpful?
Shannon: Definitely the work life balance issue, that’s something that like I was saying, the things at work that keep you distracted from work, those things. The things at home that keep you up at night. Those are thoughts that sometimes we don’t even realize we’re having. And if you can brainstorm, journal, get all of those thoughts out and then take them from there and work with a coach to really figure out, what is it that’s bothering me so much? Because sometimes you don’t really know what it is or you don’t know how to, not fix it, but figure out how to deal with it differently.
And that maybe it isn’t a problem, it’s just you keep thinking it’s a problem. So definitely there’s all kinds of work issues. I love working with clients on organizing. And organizing just about anything but really the workspace. When the workspace is organized, whether it’s physical files and paperwork or just things on your desk, whatever it is. If it’s just a mess everything is going to be a mess. And I love to organize. So, I really enjoy, show me your desk, and let’s walk through, okay, what’s this? What’s this? Okay, let’s put this here, let’s do this with that, let’s figure out.
So many people these days work at home and it’s hard to sort out all of your work things at home. But there are solutions, there are things you can do. You can get a cute little file holder and put some files in that and put those things in there, that way it’s organized, you know where it is and it’s off of your desk. There are so many things you can do. But I love working with them that way, working with them on organizing electronic files and emails as well. Sorting through emails, cleaning all of that up, that helps productivity and planning your time. That’s another one that’s huge.
Jen: That’s huge, especially working from home, how to balance the child who needs help with something and the boss who has a deadline.
Shannon: I know. Scheduling, I mean I schedule just about everything, and I even schedule the kiddos. I will help you with homework during this time. And then during these times I’m not available. And they know that I’m not available. I try really hard to help my clients with scheduling time, even 15 minutes for tasks, for certain things. To do lists can grow and when you’re a busy mom, when you’re a busy working woman, you’ve got a home life and a work life. It’s so hard to get, even calling, making a doctor appointment sometimes.
And if you just calendar it, 15 minutes during this time, block it out in your work calendar, block it out. And that comes up, you have to be honest with yourself. You have to have integrity with your word to yourself and don’t just say, “I have to do this other thing.” No, take that time, go make the call, get it done. But I really find if I have them schedule things you can get so much done in half an hour if you schedule it and say, “I’m going to turn everything off. I’m going to turn off all these notifications, no kiddos, just work on whatever this thing is,” for even just a half hour.
But that’s another big one is turning off notifications and things, not all day, not even for half a day but even just for an hour or half an hour, uninterrupted thought, you can get so much done.
Jen: Yeah, that’s cool. Stepping back to my life before being a podcaster, or maybe the early days, there are times in our lives where we just want someone to tell us how to be organized. And then you have the bonus of helping them understand how they’re thinking about their ability to be organized and all about that. A lot of people have the belief or a thought they’ve practiced so many times that I’m just not organized, or I can’t stick with my calendar. So, you teach them how to do it and how to think about it, so it does stick then.
Shannon: When you write something down, something that you have to do, especially something that you’ve been putting off or procrastinating, not wanting to do. As soon as it pops up on your calendar, your instant instinct is going to be I don’t want to do it, I’m going to make an excuse. But that is where we work through, what’s the thought? What is it that’s making you have that instant reaction to this thing? Walk through that, you’re feeling that way so what’s the thought that’s making you feel I don’t want to do that thing?
Sometimes those things are difficult things but even if they’re difficult, get it done.
Jen: Even for you when you tried new things, well, you had the belief that all good things are on the other side of fear. So, we’re all going to find unique thoughts that help us to actually take the action and get the result. And that’s why I think coaching is super helpful because you can help them dissect what’s there, baseline thought table. And what it needs to be to actually get that new result, that will stay.
Shannon: Right. And what it needs to be for them. You’re absolutely right because if I inserted an up-level thought for them that might not be what is true for them. That might not be what’s really going to give them that feeling. You’re right, it’s helping them get to that thought that really feels authentic and they can feel, you can feel it internally. And that’s when you know, yeah, that’s going to work. That’s the one that’s going to get me there.
Jen: Yeah. Everyone needs new programming because we all have different old programming. So, reprogramming the brain to get us a new result. I feel that’s the new way of handling life for the 2020, are we in 2020? 2020s and beyond. I think back to the working mom of the 80s and 90s, it was more of the energy of willing yourself. If you just had enough grit you could make it happen. Women were beating themselves up because they couldn’t really do it all. And then here we are at the other side of a pandemic that taught us we really can’t do it all.
I’m so excited to see that people are realizing, it’s all about the programming, the thinking at the subconscious and conscious level that gives you your outcomes. And that’s why coaching is essential. I’m so excited you took the leap to do that, was that scary to think about becoming a coach? What’s it like on the other side?
Shannon: It was scary. It felt right so I felt good about it. And then going through the class, the classes and all of the classes and all of the homework. That gave me all of the tools I needed but there absolutely was scary along the way. And there’s that scary of I’m not sure if I’m going to have – you think to yourself, I’m not sure if I’m going to have the answers for them. I’m not sure if I’m going to be the right coach for them. And then you realize, I’m not supposed to have the answers for them. I’m supposed to help them get to the answers with the tools that I have.
I have so much confidence in the tools. And then I think something that you said, I think about every time I get ready to coach and that is, I’ve got it written down. Interact from a place of love and add value. And I think that every time I get ready to coach because maybe I’m not the right coach for a certain person, but I will definitely add value. And I will love them whoever it is that I coach. And just being able to have that interaction. There was scary, I think worrying more about what my husband’s reaction was going to be to me deciding.
Jen: And that was your biggest supporter, that is so good.
Shannon: I know. I would have never thought, I mean he’s a traditional kind of guy. He’s a former marine and he’s a corporate dude. And I just never would have thought. And he just blew me away. He keeps blowing me away all the time with comments about it so it’s great.
Jen: That’s really cool.
Shannon: I know. I mean and I feel bad that I didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt that way, but it was great. And it was probably one of those things that brought us closer together too, talking about things that I learn in class and some of the tools. And I’ve used him before. I use Thought Tables and the Feel It to Heal It method on him a little bit, but on my kiddos all the time. Oh my gosh, yes, I have one kiddo that really, she is very connected to her feelings. She has big, big feelings. And when we do, she breathes deep.
And so, she’ll put her hand on her heart and she’ll tell me how she’s feeling and what color is it, and what it looks like. And then we’ll just talk through all of that. It’s hilarious. It’s great. My kids know, I’ll make them up-level those feelings.
Jen: Totally. I love that part too. That’s one of the best parts, to have tools. I have to tell you a funny story. So, in the midst of all the work that I do, I have learned a lot about boundaries and now I teach it in the certification. The other day I fell back into an old pattern. And I said to my husband, “You can’t wear those work boots on a date.” And he goes, “Yes, I can. I have a boundary against you telling me what to wear.”
Shannon: Oh, how funny.
Jen: And then I heard him and I’m like, “Of course. Of course, you can have that boundary. But I have a boundary against going on dates with people wearing farm boots.”
Shannon: That’s so fun, that’s hilarious.
Jen: So, we both have our boundaries. I don’t remember what ended up happening. Did he change the shoes or did we just, I think we did something totally different. But it cracked me up because I realized the trickle-down effect from learning these tools, he didn’t take the certification. He doesn’t even listen to my podcast. But he’s heard me talking about it and now he has boundaries in his vocab by some trickle-down effect. It blows my mind and makes me laugh.
Shannon: It’s a lesson that I really feel this should be a class in school, learning how to use Thought Tables.
Jen: Totally agreed. Well, so, Shannon, I just love you. You’re the queen, in my eyes you’re the queen of confidence, the queen of trying new things and the queen of positivity. So, if there’s anyone out there feels like, hey, I want to be confident like Shannon. I want to step into the next version of myself. I want to know how to program my thinking to get a new result. Where should they go to connect with you?
Shannon: So, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org. I have a website, that’s www.shannoncubbycoaching.com and I’m also on Instagram, Shannon Morgan Cubby on Instagram.
Jen: Shannon, I love this, I love your whole story, I resonate with a lot of it. I wasn’t 6’1 but I was 5’11.
Shannon: That’s awesome.
Jen: I’m grateful that you shared this. I hope a lot of our listeners will figure out what they want, maybe what they’re afraid of and do what it takes to get to that next step, that next place, so thank you.
Shannon: Yes, I agree, me too. Thank you so much, it’s been so fun.
My friends, I hope you feel inspired to find out what is on the other side of your fears. What are you afraid of? And what might be waiting for you there? All good things are on the other side of fear. That is the foundation of confidence. And I want to challenge you to practice a new thought every morning and that is this. I can do anything I put my mind to. Shannon asked to play volleyball and basketball, no clue. And she did it, she took the leap because she believed that thought, I can do anything I put my mind to. That is the foundation of confidence.
You’ve got this, my friends, and if you want to tell me what you find on the other side of fear, email me your stories, who do you become? What do you discover when you do those things that are out of your comfort zone? Email me your thoughts at email@example.com. I can’t wait to read them. I love you all. I will see you again next week, until then make it a vibrant, and happy, and confident week. Take care.
If you enjoy this podcast, you have to check out the Vibrant Happy Women Club. It’s my monthly group coaching program where we take all this material to the next level and to get you the results that will blow your mind. Join me in the Vibrant Happy Women Club at jenriday.com/join.
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Jen Riday is a mom of 6 and life coach who loves to help women experience massive happiness as they let go of stress, sadness or other chronic emotions of negativity.
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