38: How to Be More Compassionate with Your Family (with Jill Savage)
In this episode, I chat with Jill Savage and she shares a lifetime of experiences and struggles – including raising 5 children, facing the challenges of her husband's lifelong depression and an act of infidelity, and her triumph over breast cancer – each which helped her learn to feel with others rather than trying to fix others. Author of 11 books, Jill shares many nuggets of wisdom about building stronger relationships and not comparing our “insides” to other people's “outsides.”
Jill Savage is known as The Go-To Mom. She is the founder and CEO of Hearts at Home, an organization dedicated to being a moms best place for answers. She is also a popular public speaker and has written eleven books including, Real Moms … Real Jesus, the best-selling No More Perfect Moms, No More Perfect Kids, and her most recent book authored with her daughter Anne, Better Together. Jill and her husband, Mark, live in Illinois and have five children and three grandchildren.
Nuggets of Wisdom from Jill:
“We have to stop comparing our insides to other people's outsides.” – from Jill's friend
“It is recognizing another person's pain. It is not necessarily agreeing with it. It is not giving them pat answers to pull them out of it. It is sitting in the pain with them. So being able to say, ‘Wow! That must just feel really dark to you, I am so sorry that it gets hard like this.' That is a validating statement.”
“He starts feeling like I am distant from him when I try to fix him. But when I try to feel with him, he says that, ‘That makes me feel closer..' to him, and that is huge. Me learning to feel over fixing.”
“Feel, don't fix.”
“They say people don't care what you know until they know that you care. ”
“Unfortunately, we just live in a very broken world. I think that the struggle, the pain, the hardship is just a natural byproduct of the human experience.”
“I am an introvert, and I am refueled by being alone. And so another part of self-care is figuring out ways that I can be alone. ”
“We cannot be a perfect parent, but we have to stop trying to be perfect and embrace being perfected. That is what God does with the broken places in our life.”
Some of Jill‘s Favorite Things:
Personal habit: “Self-care is not selfish. Each morning I get up and I take an exercise class. I always also take time to have a little quiet time with the Lord. I perceive all of that as self-care. ”
Easy meal: Mexican. Cook lots of beef or chicken in the crockpot, add Mexican seasonings, then serve it throughout the week with veggies and toppings.
Possession: My little chopper from Pampered Chef
Jill's Favorite Book: How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage by Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Best advice received: “You've got to stop comparing your insides to other people's outside.”
Jill's Happiness Formula:
“Faith + Family + Friends”
A Challenge from Jill:
“My challenge is to stop trying to be perfect but embrace being perfected.”
Better Together: Because You're Not Meant to Mom Alone by Jill Savage
No More Perfect Moms: Learn to Love Your Real Life by Jill Savage
Real Moms…Real Jesus: Meet the Friend Who Understands by Jill Savage
My little chopper from Pampered Chef
How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage by Milan and Kay Yerkovich
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Jen Riday is a mom of 6 and life coach who loves to help women experience massive happiness as they let go of stress, sadness or other chronic emotions of negativity.
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