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300: What Do I Really Need?

Vibrant Happy Women with Dr. Jen Riday | What Do I Really Need?

We are all provided a map as we grow up that is supposed to lead us to a fulfilling life. It says get straight As, go to college, get married, get a job you love, have a family, and have a retirement plan. Even though we have this map, so many of us feel dissatisfied with our lives. Why?

I believe it’s because we aren’t truly meeting our needs, and that many of us don’t actually know what we need. And instead of trying to figure it out, we turn to food, Netflix, and attempt to change our spouses, our kids, and our circumstances.

To celebrate 300 episodes and six amazing years of this podcast, I invite you to put down the map you were provided and to listen inwardly. I’m sharing some of the things you might be needing right now, whose responsibility it is to meet them, and how to identify at the heart and soul level what you want. Your needs are your inner GPS; it’s time to start following them.

If you’re tired of not feeling good enough and letting anxiety and depression rule your life, you need to join us in the Vibrant Happy Women Club. The doors won't be open forever, and we have tons of new and exciting features inside. It’s time to make your own happiness a priority, and the Club is where you’ll learn how. I can’t wait to see you there!

 

What You’ll Learn:

  • Why we are so out of touch with our needs.
  • Who is responsible for meeting our needs.
  • What happens when your needs aren’t met.
  • 2 structures that can guide you in discovering your needs.
  • What true pleasure is.

 

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Full Episode Transcript:

You’re listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast. I’m Dr. Jen Riday and in this episode, you’ll discover your answer to the question, what do I really need? Stay tuned.

Hi, I'm Jen Riday. This podcast is for women who want to feel more vibrant, happy, aligned, and alive. You'll gain the emotional, physical, and spiritual tools you need to get your sparkle back and ensure that depression, anxiety, and struggle don't rule your life. Welcome to the Vibrant Happy Women Podcast.

My friends, welcome to episode 300 of the Vibrant Happy Women podcast. I have been here for almost six years loving every minute that I get to connect with you, to read your emails that you send in and to celebrate episode 300, a big round number, also the end of 2021. I want to talk about our needs today and not just our needs but to help you answer the question, what do I really want? This is a harder question than we think.

I have discovered that most women have no idea what they really want. Many of us spend our lives knowing what we should do. We should get A’s, and go to college, and graduate. We should marry and have a family and have a nice house and a nice car. We should have a retirement plan and aspire to retire early. We should have a job we love that pays well, the whole map is supplied for us. But why is it that so many of us, so many people on this planet feel dissatisfied with their lives? What is missing?

I propose and will help you see in this episode that we are not truly meeting our needs. Now, who is responsible to meet our needs? It is not our spouse. It is not our salary or any of those things. It is not the ‘path of success’ that society lays out for us. There’s only one person out there on the planet who can meet your needs and guess who that is? You see her in the mirror every morning. That’s you. You are responsible to identify and meet your needs.

Now, what happens when you don’t know what you need and when you’re not meeting those needs? You’ll feel a dissatisfaction. You’ll feel a boredom, a discouragement, maybe an anxiety or depression. You’ll try to fill that void and meet those needs with things like chocolate, or your favorite dessert, or a streaming platform of choice. Maybe you like wine o’clock, maybe you stay over-busy, maybe you work long hours. Whatever you’re doing you’re trying to meet that need.

You know there’s some itch there that you just can’t scratch but you don’t quite know what it is, where it is, how to fix it. Sometimes we try to fix it by getting our spouse to change, getting our kids to change, trying to change our bodies, trying to move across the country. We seek and we yearn to find that itch that we need to scratch and to satisfy those needs. But sometimes those things don’t work. So in this episode I’m going to be taking about how to identify what you need at the heart and soul level and how to meet that need for yourself.

So let’s talk about needs in the historical sense. Maslow said that we have a pyramid of needs with five levels. At the bottom of that pyramid are our physiological needs like food, water, air, warmth, shelter, clothing, sleep. I hope every one of you listening can meet those needs. I feel I can give that section a check. And I am so blessed to be able to say that and I recognize my privilege to be able to say that. Not everyone can check those boxes and I recognize that.

Next, above physiological we have safety needs like health, having enough resources, security, social and family stability. Okay, above safety we have needs for love and belonging, to connect, to have relationships with loved ones, friends. Then we have a need for esteem, this means a need for accomplishment, respect, recognition, freedom, confidence, being unique. And finally at the very tippy top of this pyramid, self-actualization. This meets our need to be creative, to be the most we can be, to have meaning and to make a difference in the world.

Now, Maslow’s pyramid is just one structure of our needs. Another structure is one of my favorites from Tony Robbins, he says we have six basic human needs, and he lists them in this order. We have a need for certainty which is similar to physiological security. We have a need for variety. I love this one. We have a need for fun, and novelty, and adventure, Tony Robbins would say. Above that we have a need for significance. We have a need for love and connection, a need for growth and a need for contribution.

Now, these are just two structures, and they can guide you as you think about this. But I want to take this deeper. What do you really need? What do you really want? I have asked myself these questions and here is what I have come up with in my journal. I have a need for deep connection to myself, for energetic resonance with other humans, for giving and receiving in complete emotional safety with other humans, for being totally present in the now. To connect with nature and the divine, to share my gifts and talents, to make a difference and to love my life and the people in my life in the moment.

So let me ask you again, what do you really need? What do you really want in this moment? Maybe you need emotional safety, to feel seen, and heard, and valued. What about having a need for quiet? And those of you who are moms, that need for quiet is real. The need to hear yourself think, the need for uninterrupted time, to breathe, plan, to connect with the divine. Perhaps you have a need for making someone’s life better, a need to make a difference, a need for fun, a need to try something new which is why so many of us love to vacation.

What about a need to create, to have your hands in the soil, to have your hands in some dough? Perhaps you have a need for freedom. This one’s big, listen to this, I feel the need in myself, and maybe you can relate, a need for freedom from obligation, obligations like paying bills, maintaining my stuff, maintaining schedules. I want instead freedom to explore, to paint, sit under a tree, stare at the clouds floating by in the sky, stare at the stars, watch my daughter light up as she reads her book, trying a new recipe.

What about the need for pleasure? Now, when I say pleasure you might think I mean sexual pleasure. That is just one small component of pleasure. And this is kind of my big emphasis for you and a challenge for you this week, to think about what truly gives you pleasure. As humans we are wired to avoid pain and to seek pleasure. I truly believe that pleasure is kind of a guidepost or a sign that tells us, you’re on the right path. Now, pleasure is more than eating a ton of chocolate, or binging Netflix series. True pleasure is very connective, nurturing, healing, present.

For example, I feel deep pleasure when I’m in nature, near a tree, looking at a bird, looking at the sky. I feel deep pleasure when I can utilize my five senses, maybe moving my body to beautiful music, putting my hands into the soil. Whatever it is for you, think about what truly gives you pleasure. Now, I’m going to ask that question again and I want you to think about it. What do you truly need? And an even better question, what do you truly want? Maybe it’s not more money, or more food, or more streaming, or more retail therapy. Maybe it’s not a bigger house, or a new marriage, or a move across the country.

What if you just need to sit outside and watch the snowfall? Feel the energy of that big oak tree in your backyard. Maybe it’s feeling the energetic connection of reading a book with your son. What if it’s watching your partner receive pleasure through your touch? Maybe you need connection with the divine? Maybe you need to reduce your obligations with your debt, your scheduling, your stuff. Maybe you need to begin the exploration of your five senses, more dancing, music, painting, baking, hugging, breathing, meditation.

The question is, how good, how pleasurable can your nervous system feel? What would be truly pleasurable for you right now? We are going to be exploring this theme of creating a life we want, a life that is truly pleasurable and connected, all year long throughout 2022 in the Vibrant Happy Women membership. Here’s what we’ll be talking about in January. We’ll discuss being the master of your time. February, connecting with and loving yourself, healing your heart. March, creating emotional safety. April, decluttering your life and calendar.

May, loving, adoring your body. June, deep heart centered connection with your partner. July, heart centered connection with your children, your family, and friends. August, creating more fun and adventure. September, connection to nature and the divine. October, trusting in and receiving the abundance of resources that God or the universe is already willing to send you if you just stop blocking it. November, sharing your gifts and living your purpose. And, December, goals and intention, and the creation of a vision for your future.

All of these steps help you to identify what’s been missing from your life, to show up for yourself, to meet your needs so you can be a whole and complete person. You’ll become a person who others crave to be around because you are so whole and complete. All this by simply identifying and meeting your needs for healing, and connection, and love, and vibrance.

Sign up today and get started with the Vibrant Happy Women fundamentals where you’ll learn about thought tables, feel it to heal it, boundaries and so much more. Sign up today at jenriday.com/join.

Now I’ll leave you with a final thought. You do have needs, these feelings of yearning, and longing, and discontent are your inner GPS telling you, make an adjustment. I’m going to challenge you to stop trying to meet those needs with food, or wine, or Netflix, to set those aside and begin a journey of finding out what you truly need, what truly brings you pleasure, how good can your life be? How good are you willing to let your life be? How good are you willing to let your relationships be? How much can you heal, and grow, and revitalize your life in 2022?

I wish this for you in 2022. May you create more pleasure in your life and meet all of your needs. I’ll see you again next time, until then make it a vibrant and happy week. Take care.

If you enjoy this podcast, you have to check out the Vibrant Happy Women Club. It’s my monthly group coaching program where we take all this material to the next level and to get you the results that will blow your mind. Join me in the Vibrant Happy Women Club at jenriday.com/join.

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About jen

Jen Riday is a mom of 6 and life coach who loves to help women experience massive happiness as they let go of stress, sadness or other chronic emotions of negativity.

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