26: Healing Your Marriage After Infidelity (with Cindy Beall)
Cindy Beall's husband dropped a metaphorical bomb one day when he confessed to multiple acts of infidelity and an out-of-control pornography addiction. Cindy shares her journey of grief, healing and forgiveness and how she was able to come out of that struggle as a victor instead of a victim.
Cindy Beall is a writer, speaker and mentor to leaders. She enjoys watching college football, hanging out with her sons, and sitting on her back porch with her husband, Chris. The Bealls have been married since 1993 and have spent most of their marriage in full-time ministry. They have three sons between them which means there is very little pink in their home but a plethora of airsoft guns and camouflage. Cindy serves alongside her husband, Chris, who is the Oklahoma City Campus Pastor at Life Church and also oversees half of the OKC metro Life Church campuses. Cindy oversees the Equipping team on the Leading & Loving It team that ministers to pastors' wives and women in ministry around the world. She has written two books with Harvest House Publishers: Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken was released in 2011 and Rebuilding a Marriage Better Than New releases on August 1, 2016. You can connect with her at cindybeall.com or on social media using her handle @cindybeall.
Nuggets of Wisdom from Cindy:
“Words have power.”
“A lot of people do not want to deal with pain. It hurts, it is not fun, we do not enjoy it, we want to feel bad but in order to heal, we must grieve.”
“When we are grieving, we are healing simultaneously and that is why grieving is so important to help us get through a struggle.”
“Find your porch, that place where you can connect with your spouse.”
“I just choose to see the things I have walked through as opportunities and not obstacles. Because now, I have this opportunity to be there for other people, to encourage other people and you know, in a world where divorce is so very common, we have opportunities to say, ‘You know what, it is possible to make your marriage better than new.' It is hard and sometimes people just want to throw in the towel but you know that it is possible. Living your life as a victor and not a victim.”
“The thing that people often do is they take what they have done and make that who they are and I want to help people understand that who you are is not what you do.”
“Whatever you go through, do not go through it alone. Tell somebody who you trust and who could be there for you.”
Some of Cindy‘s Favorite Things:
Personal habit: “Spending time with the Bible every morning. I wake up, grab my tea and sit on the porch. That is the most important thing I do everyday.”
Easy meal: “A whole chicken. Just get a chicken fryer from the store and I bake it. I bake til it's real tender, you know, you pull on the legs and they are about to fall off. I put a little olive oil on top. A little seasoning and I bake it and it just melts in your mouth. We'll have it just by itself. Then, I will take leftovers and then I chop them up and make chicken salad.”
Possession: Immersion blender.
[Note: I, Jen, also have an immersion blender and talked about an amazing mayo recipe from Melissa Joulwan's cookbook Well Fed. It's the BEST mayo I've ever had, and it's made from olive oil so it's healthy, too. My husband even likes it, so you know it's REALLY good. Melissa graciously gave me permission to share it below:
Olive Oil Mayo
Makes 1 1/2 cups | Prep 2 minutes
1 large egg
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/4 cup plus 1 cup light-tasting olive or avocado oil
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
1/2 teaspoon salt
Science! The magic of mayo is that it's an emulsion: The oil and egg plus lemon create a colloid. You don't need to understand all the chemistry, but you do need a stick blender and a pint-size Mason jar.
In the Mason jar, combine the egg, lemon juice, 1/4 cup oil, dry mustard, and salt. Whirl with the stick blender until a little froth. With the blender running inside the jar, pour in the remaining 1 cup oil and whirl until thickened. Store covered in the fridge.]
Cindy's Favorite Book: Leading on Empty: Refilling Your Tank and Renewing Your Passion Book by Wayne Cordeiro
Best advice received: “Do not make decisions when your emotions are heightened.”
Cindy's Happiness Formula:
“I am happiest when I hear from God, when I lived disciplined, and when I mentor others.”
A Challenge from Cindy:
“To challenge people to use their past experiences to help others because it will really help those people see that there is hope and that they are not alone in that journey.”
Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken:… Book by Cindy Beall
Rebuilding a Marriage Better Than New Book by Cindy Beall
The Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson
Leading on Empty: Refilling Your Tank and … Book by Wayne Cordeiro
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Jen Riday is a mom of 6 and life coach who loves to help women experience massive happiness as they let go of stress, sadness or other chronic emotions of negativity.
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