You’re listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, episode number 237. We’re talking about heavenly, blissful, relaxing sleep. Stay tuned.
Hi, I'm Jen Riday. This podcast is for women who want to feel more vibrant, happy, aligned, and alive. You'll gain the emotional, physical, and spiritual tools you need to get your sparkle back and ensure that depression, anxiety, and struggle don't rule your life. Welcome to the Vibrant Happy Women Podcast.
Hey my friends welcome back to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast. And we’re talking in this episode about sleep. How is your sleep? Do you get enough of it? Do you sleep all night? Do you sleep in a way where you awake refreshed? How is your sleep?
Tonight I just met with several women from the Vibrant Happy Women Club. We had a class on mastering your bedtime routine. And I asked them a question to start the class and the question was this. How do you want to feel when you go to bed? Now, the women, we had a discussion, some of them said they just go to bed feeling done, fed up, tired, exhausted. And they want to feel accomplished, relaxed, content, peaceful, calm.
Some people go to bed feeling almost afraid of the insomnia they’re going to face. What is your experience when you go to bed currently? And what would you like your experience to be when you go to bed? How would you like to feel about going to bed at night? A really interesting question.
Now, next question we talked about the in the Vibrant Happy Women Club meeting just a moment ago was. What are four things you could do that would help you to feel your desired bedtime feeling? Maybe it’s your own foot massage. Maybe it’s your daughters giving you a back rub, like my daughters like to do with my encouragement. Sometimes we have to swap; I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine. Maybe it’s a certain essential oil.
Whatever it is, what are the four things that need to happen or that would be good if they happened to help you feel the way you want to feel at bedtime? Interesting, right? Now, how often are you doing at least one or two of those four things? 25% of the time, 50% of the time, 75% of the time?
Alright, now, next thought, what are the obstacles that get in your way, that prevent you from doing the four things or so, the bedtime routine that will help you to go to bed feeling the way you want to feel? Maybe it’s kids coming in to chat. Maybe it’s your phone, swiping, scrolling, checking emails, and dings, and notification. And whoops, I missed my bedtime, I’m feeling frazzled. What are the obstacles? What do you need to change to make sure you can go to bed feeling the way you want to feel?
Now, interesting questions. Let’s work backwards, I like to do this. What time would you like to be in bed at night? My desired bedtime is 9:30. I always advise that we try to get to bed in the nines. Generally speaking that’s going to give us enough sleep. So going to bed in the nines.
If you’re going to bed at 9:30, how much time would you need before that to do two or three of those relaxing things you listed earlier, foot massage, reading a good book, having a cup of tea? How much time, maybe 30 minutes? So subtract backwards, that gets you to 9 o’clock. How much time before that do you need to brush your teeth, and floss, and put on your lotion, maybe 15 minutes? That gets us to 8:45, backing up.
What about prep for the next day, packing a lunch, packing school backpacks, finding iPads and papers, whatever it is, maybe another 15 minutes, it gets you to 8:30. Now, what do other people in your life, kids, spouse, other loved ones need from you before you start doing your personal bedtime routine? How long would it take, bedtime stories, physical intimacy, a chat with your teenager? Maybe 30 minutes, 60 minutes, you get to decide, back it up. I’m going to say 30, that gets us back to 8 o’clock, and you keep going.
How much time do you need to clean up after dinner, 30 minutes? Gets us back to 7:30 and go all the way back. What do you need to do at night? And how much time do you need to eat dinner, to prepare dinner? That’s going to get you to this place where you know when you actually start your true bedtime routine. If you want to stick with a bedtime routine you really must understand every little piece that’s involved and exactly when you need to start.
So if you want to have that time to relax and go to bed feeling calm and grounded, then it would be important to start your dinner prep, maybe your homework with your kids, maybe at five. You get to decide when that is and then everything goes better.
Now, looking at the schedule, thinking about it, if you don’t have a sheet of paper with you. I would propose that the number one thing I hear from women that throws a wrench in this bedtime routine, and all of this family togetherness, and all of this relaxation, the number one thing is your phone, your smartphone.
Just think about that, you start to scroll, you’re checking email, someone texts you, suddenly 20, 30, 60, 120 minutes later. Whoops, what happened to your relaxation? What happened to your foot massage? What happened to that bedtime story with your kids? What happened to cleaning up the kitchen so you don’t start the day a mess? So I said bedtime in the nines, lights out in the nines.
Tonight the Vibrant Happy Women Club women and I, we decided, we committed to put your phone away in the eights. That means by 8:59 your phone goes away, powered off, out of your bedroom, out of sight, out of mind. Now, if you want to have a bonus, maybe you put your phone away before your evening routine even begins. It depends what’s happening. Maybe you put your phone away by 4:00pm, that’s kind of an idea I’ve been toying with.
But for Vibrant Happy Women purposes, bed in the nines, phone away in the eights. Walk that in, set an intention, commit to yourself, so you can go to bed feeling the way you want to feel.
Now, there’s a lot happening in the world, switching topics a little bit here, a lot happening, elections, riots, fires, hurricanes, all the things. You can probably feel the anxiety rise in your body as I mention this. How do we go to bed with a peaceful mind?
I want to suggest that in your evening routine you add just a little moment of journaling, and not just any journaling, but a specific type of journaling called a brain download. I’ve talked about this before. It’s where you write everything in your head without a filter, maybe right before you do your relaxation routine you do this journaling and you write this day was horrid. I got nothing done. I don’t like what’s happening politically. I am worried about the fires. You write it all out and you see what shows up on the page.
And sometimes you’ll be surprised what’s in your brain, what’s been churning in your head all day. There’s something beautiful about getting it out on paper. Your feelings start to clear. Your heart starts to relax. Your breath starts to deepen. And you can start to shift your thoughts to something like, hey, I’m so glad I got to play a board game with the kids tonight. I’m so glad I’m taking this time to notice what I’m feeling.
You might, slowly but surely, through a brain download, shift into gratitude, gratitude to be alive, gratitude to have loved ones, gratitude to be able to think and change your thoughts. And this sets off a chain reaction of starting to feel better, starting to let go of those thoughts that churn, and spin, and make you anxious. You go to bed with a clear mind. So think about adding a brain download to your evening.
Now, bed in the nines, phone away in the eights, and remember, think to yourself, when does your evening routine actually have to begin in order to fit everything in? Maybe it starts with helping your kids with homework, then dinner prep, then dinner, then dinner cleanup, then a board game, then baths, and then stories, then yourself, then your relaxation, then your lights out. To squeeze it all in, maybe you realize like me that the phone might need to go away in the fours. But minimum, bed in the nines and phone away in the eights, that’s our vibrant happy way. I’ve laid it out for you.
Try to make that happen and see how much more consistent you can be with your bedtime routine, so you can go to bed feeling the way you want to feel.
Now, let’s have a little bit of a future vision of what this could lead to. Who would you be a year from now if you consistently went to bed feeling calm, you went to bed on time, you’ve got enough sleep, you’ve got your eight hours a night, you woke-up. The house was mostly clean because you were able to fit that in the night before, who would you be a year from now with more consistent sleep? What would change in your parenting if you had time to do that brain download every night? If you had time to journal or time for physical intimacy, what would your marriage look like?
How would you feel about yourself if you had that time for a foot massage, or the cup of tea, or reading a book? Think of how your life could change if you nailed down this one thing, to get everything in, everything that matters to you and putting your phone away in the eights or earlier.
So I had a lot of fun talking with the women in the Vibrant Happy Women Club about this tonight. It was practical. We had a great workshop. We had a great intention. We’re ready to move forward as a group. And I want to let you know that we do a lot of this in the club, practical digging in and figuring out what it takes, what we need to do to become a brighter version of ourselves, adding more of our light to the world, making a difference, loving better, slowing down, finding balance. Doing the things that really show that we’re becoming a brighter and better version of ourselves.
Now, I need to let you know that on October 8th, the Vibrant Happy Women Club will be closing. If you want to be in with us at the current price, ready to join us for our October theme of fun and flow, which is all about having more fun with your loved ones, being mindful and present in a state of flow, so you can feel juicier and more vibrant. Plus what we’ll be covering in November and December, goal setting, holiday preparation, all of the things that will help you feel juicier for this last quarter of the year, join us before October 8th at jenriday.com/join.
You can join a soul circle, a small group of women from around the country and world who are committed to slowing down, finding balance and loving more, feeling more positive, being brighter versions of themselves. If this sounds fun for you, join us before October 8th, you will get the current price. And you will keep that price forever, for as long as you’re a member.
Now, the club will open again in 2021 and the price will be higher. So if you want the current price, join us before end of day on October 8th. The way to join is jenriday.com/join.
Alright my friends, I am off to do my bedtime ritual. It’s in the eights right now as I’m recording this. So my phone is off. Now, try this yourself, put your phone away in the eights, lights out in the nines. Phone away in the eights, lights out in the nines. Make your evening ritual so juicy, so vibrant, so happy that you go to bed feeling amazing, relaxed, calm, accomplished, blissed out, ready for the next day. You’ve got this. You deserve beautiful amazing sleep and your future self will thank you because you’re going to be a way different person by making this one change in your life.
My friends, sending my love, sending you my encouragement, you’ve got this, whatever you’re struggling with, take care of you, prioritize that juice, that vibrancy, that happiness. That is really in the end what we’re here for, to be the best version of ourselves, to radiate joy, and light, and happiness, even when everything seems to be going wrong, we can find that vibrant and happy way. That’s what Vibrant Happy Women is all about. You’ve got this.
I love you and I will see you again soon. Until then, make it a vibrant and happy week. And get some vibrant and happy sleep. Remember, lights out in the nines, phones away in the eights. Take care my friends.
If you enjoy this podcast, you have to check out the Vibrant Happy Women Club. It’s my monthly group coaching program where we take all this material to the next level and to get you the results that will blow your mind. Join me in the Vibrant Happy Women Club at jenriday.com/join.